Posted by:
ificouldhietokolob
(
)
Date: February 10, 2015 12:50PM
I was 14.
My parents -- TBM mom, inactive dad -- had been having disagreements about the church for some time. Dad objected to paying tithing, mom insisted on full 10%, for example. The church was the biggest point of contention in their marriage, and when it wasn't brought up, we had a pretty darn good family life.
When I was 14, TBM mom got called to be RS president. My siblings and I had to wait around after Sacrament meeting while she went in and met with the bishop for her interview and calling. It seemed to take an awfully long time.
Mom came out, and was unusually quiet and pensive. I asked, "So are you going to be the RS president?" "Yes," she said. And she said nothing else.
Two weeks later, I come home from school one day, and mom pulls me aside and says she wants to talk. Explains that she's asked my dad to move out, and they're probably going to get a divorce. I'm stunned, of course. I ask why. She explains that when the bishop called her to be RS president, he told her that her inactive husband was keeping her from exaltation; that it was time for her to make a choice, him or heavenly father. Told her that she should confront him, and flat-out ask if he was ever going to honor his priesthood commitments. If he wasn't, he said she should get a divorce, and find herself a worthy priesthood holder husband to ensure her alignment with heavenly father's will, and her eternal exaltation.
So she asked my dad. He said no, he was not going to become active again. She told him to move out, and that she was going to file for divorce.
Even at 14, it hit me that the church didn't care about family, it cared about following the rules.
The divorce was largely amicable, not very contentious. Dad paid alimony and child support, mom went to work. We *did* have less income than before, by a fair amount. To insure her blessings, mom not only insisted on a full 10% tithing, but on considerable other offerings, even if it meant we ate peanut butter sandwiches for meals for a week at a time. She told me these "sacrifices" would be worth it, in terms of "blessings." They weren't.
Before the divorce, my parents had a small but useful college fund started for all three kids. My older brother's got tapped, but not depleted, and parents paid for most of his BYU degree. When it came time for me to go to college, after serving a mission, there was nothing left. The church had taken it all. Same for my younger sister.
I got my degrees, by working full-time and going to school full-time for 8 years. And after leaving the church. No help from mom (who by then had remarried a TBM attorney, and actually could afford to help, but wouldn't because I had left the church). No help from dad other than moral support, because he simply didn't have the money.
Putting "exaltation" ahead of family, and having the bishop essentially "command" my mom to ditch my dad for a TBM husband, got me started on the road to leaving. For the rest, I thought and reasoned my way out.