I have a question. How old were you when you stopped one day in the middle of whatever you were doing and it dawned on you that indeed your TBM parents HAD given all their time, talents and money to the church and not you and your siblings? In short, when did you realize you were on your own when all the resources that normally go to help children become adults and adults become stronger adults had been funneled to the church?

And further more, when did it dawn on you that all that money that had been given did not benefit you at all in any way?

Sadly, I knew it at the time. Even as a little girl I knew.
Every time my dad left for his bishopric meeting.
Every time my mom went to another stupid activity.
I always knew the church came first.
I just didn't realize that was wrong.

That realization came this summer. I was 38 years old when I fully realized that I was worth more than the church.
That's what I didn't realize before.

Once I saw that clearly, the full force of their willing neglect hit me hard.

I was about 12. My mom went back to work full time just so that my parents could be full tithe payers. Both parents continued to take time consuming church callings as well.

Everything my mom made went straight to tithing. Because my parents were both absent a great deal, it became my responsibility to clean the house, do laundry and babysit younger siblings after school and during the summer months. I missed out on extracurricular activities, time with friends and just normal kid stuff. It felt like my parents loved the church more than they loved me.

I know there are lots of kids who help out so that parents can make ends meet. If that had been the case in my family, I would feel differently about it today. But, it's the fact that my parents heaped so much on me when they didn't have to that still makes it a sore spot.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2015 10:36PM by want2bx.

Probably primary. I never really got into church. From a very young age I remember not caring about church and then there was the repetitive nature of primary and I remember thinking at a young age about the feeling of being brainwashed or "programmed" while singing songs.

Follow the prophet, follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet; don't go astray.
Follow the prophet, follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet; he knows the way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2015 10:08PM by lush.

and thinking, "Hmmm - the tune is catchy but the words are CREEPY." And then I wondered what was wrong with me, to think that.

It would take about 17 more years to finish the journey.

The church was a cowbird hatchling in my nest. It shouldered me out early, and long before I could fly. I spiraled down to the hard ground, and my spirit snapped like a broken neck. By the time I was fourteen I was simply watching in unblinking horror as the church consumed the resources that should have gone to the family. My pockets were empty, and I stole my school lunches until I got caught. After that I learned to panhandle. The church did very well for itself.

Dad gave hundreds of thousands of dollars to the cult, but later in life was wiped out financially by a rat bastard scumbag Mormon in a business deal.

Ron Burr

I love this..."the full force of their willing neglect hit me hard."

I'm feeling that today. I feel like the church is the great "whore" of my family. They have fed her, paid her and I watch them give all their love to her constantly. I was just home and I was shocked at the level of loyalty they give the church. I thought..."I really wish someone would take an honest interest in me". I'm 45 and felt that way. I thought..."if someone would be as genuinely interested in talking to me as they are to walk out the door and serve "her" my life would be entirely different.

Don...I so hear you. The way you said that was beautiful. I feel the same way. I feel like I'm having to learn to fly but no one taught me how. Although I live in a foreign country alone, I still feel "neglected". Seriously. I meet all these young backpackers from literally all over the world and 9 out of 10 of them have family that they talk to all the time and if something were to happen to them their parents would forward them the money to make sure they were safe. It's such an odd concept to me. There was never extra money for me. That all went and still goes to the church.

I'm processing the neglect of it all today. I feel sorry for us all. The rest of the civilized world actually supports their children...their whole lives. I've seen it...it's amazing and completely foreign to me.

Oh boy...where do I start...

Thing is, my dad was never around for several reasons, the church was just one of them but the teachings of the church led to the other reasons...

let me explain

My parents are extremely materialistic. And they are far from being wealthy. It's clear they lived at the very edge of their means all while I was growing up. We lived in a gorgeous, huge home in Layton, Utah and I'm pretty sure they even took in welfare while living there (another story, but how messed up is that?). My dad was ALWAYS working on the home. Improving it, adding onto it, what have you. That or working on the yard. Or working late. He never had time for us kids. My mom was just a lump on the couch claiming auto-immune illness and playing the role of victim (again I think largely due to the influence of the cult).

So were the involved directly in church things? Yeah sure, but it was the peripheral stuff (albeit directly influenced by church teachings) that consumed them.

To this day I say I won't shed a single tear when either of them pass. They are dead to me, just as I've always been dead to them.

I was around 11.

I confronted my step mother about her desire to look good in front of the bishop and the ward rather than take care of the family.

She ranted for an hour about how evil I was.

I remember the babysitting, especially on the nights of school dances so my parents could save dead souls.

I remember her getting a call at dinner time asking her to take a dinner to someone and she promptly took all the food off the table and over to the neighbors.

I remember her anger when I chose a school activity over mutual. (Back in the day when it was a week night)

Too many others to write about.

I knew long ago that my parents could spend their money any way they liked and that anything they said they were going to let me borrow could be recinded, if the church or they needed it.

For example: I finished teacher's college during the early 80s when teaching jobs were scarce to come buy. I am by nature or nurture shy and insecure. However, i did manage to get an interview at a school. It was in another city, but parents were going to the temple in the USA. I could use a family car to go to this interview. So i thot. A few days before the interview, the bus or something for the temple trip cancelled, so my parents offered to take their car. Result: my dad tried to teach me to drive a standard one night. All it taught me was that i'd never get off the highway, and can you imagine the stress- i was a timid driver anyway, and stress of interview + stress of wondering if i could start the car at a traffic light on an incline.

I really didn't even think of bussing it to this city and spending the night in a hotel, so i could get to the interview. I was stunned that my parents would do this, and yet at the same time, it was like them to do stuff that others might think weird.

End of story. Mom called a lady she knew who was going to that city that day, and asked her to drive me. I was completely embarassed and humiliated that my parents would think so little of me as to do this. They probably thot that my 'sacrifice' of them using the car would bring me blessings. I didn't get that job, nor did i ever get anything better than supply work as a teacher.

My mother pretty much hated me since i was 14 or so. This went on covertly into my adult years. Until i learned not to care about her or her games.

Funny, now that she is old, and she doesn't haave many friends, church or otherwise, and we left the church, now she wants to have a relationship.

She is not moving in with me, should she need care and now that my father passed away this year, i do not feel the need to phone on a regular basis to see how she is doing. Her attitude my adult life was this: I do things for relief society in my ward. You have a relief society in your ward who is supposed to take care of you. If you're not getting care, it must be your own fault.

Turn about is fair play. If she needs companionship, that is what her ward is for. I have enuf of my own problems to deal with. My children are also not close to my parents b/c i didnt want them to be subjected to my mothers verbal rants and very bad babysitting skills.

I so relate to so much of this. MY parents made it very clear that they loved the church way more than their children.

They gave and gave. Time, money, you name it. All the while their own kids did without necessities, never mind luxuries. Anytime they did or gave something to their kids, it was for their own benefit, not their children.

My mother was famous for telling me I could do things with friends, AFTER I went to a church function. Problem is, we lived out in the country, and nobody would come and get me from the church in time to go out and do social things. Many a time I hitchhiked 10 miles home so I could get home in time. There were several times I was terrified my date for the evening would see me hitch hiking on their way to pick me up. I despised my parents for doing that to me. I think they thought it was funny.

I had a lot of siblings. They did the same to some of them, if not worse. Of course they had a favorite that never experienced any of that and thinks we're making it all up.

My parents are in their 80's now. Most of their kids and grandkids have nothing to do with them. I don't feel sorry for them. If they need something, they can call the church that they gave all of their time, energy, love, and money to. I'm fresh out when it comes to them. If I could divorce them legally, I would.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2015 11:56PM by madalice.

I was 43, standing at the grave of my mother, dead these 21 years, with two of her sisters buried around her.

I stood there and suddenly realized that these women were just losers. They gave their entire lives to a real estate cult, they never did what they WANTED to. My mom (I'm 99% sure) was a lesbian, but suffered in an abusive hetero marriage. My one aunt was married to a gay pedophile (long story), and the other one was a miserable, pain ridden crank.

Their entire existence was focused on a cult! If it were true, it would be sad, but given that it's a fraud is just insult to injury.

paying tithing. Sure we didn't have all that much, but most of the people we lived around didn't either. We had a roof over our heads, food, clothing (mostly hand-me-downs), but everyone pretty much lived like we did.

I would say our farm took a lot of money, but, in the end, it left all the children with an inheritance and money to take care of their disabled children. My dad spent all his time teaching school and running his farm, and my parents took care of their parents. Church was NOT the priority in my family.

I think I suspected it when I was little. I came to the full conclusion when I was about 18.
My parents cared more about pleasing other Morgbots than about the wellbeing of their own son. If I felt something that wasn't what other Mormons felt, guess whose side my parents took. Sometimes I wanted to tell them that they might as well have disowned me and made some dipshit RM their "son."

I was 14.

My parents -- TBM mom, inactive dad -- had been having disagreements about the church for some time. Dad objected to paying tithing, mom insisted on full 10%, for example. The church was the biggest point of contention in their marriage, and when it wasn't brought up, we had a pretty darn good family life.

When I was 14, TBM mom got called to be RS president. My siblings and I had to wait around after Sacrament meeting while she went in and met with the bishop for her interview and calling. It seemed to take an awfully long time.

Mom came out, and was unusually quiet and pensive. I asked, "So are you going to be the RS president?" "Yes," she said. And she said nothing else.

Two weeks later, I come home from school one day, and mom pulls me aside and says she wants to talk. Explains that she's asked my dad to move out, and they're probably going to get a divorce. I'm stunned, of course. I ask why. She explains that when the bishop called her to be RS president, he told her that her inactive husband was keeping her from exaltation; that it was time for her to make a choice, him or heavenly father. Told her that she should confront him, and flat-out ask if he was ever going to honor his priesthood commitments. If he wasn't, he said she should get a divorce, and find herself a worthy priesthood holder husband to ensure her alignment with heavenly father's will, and her eternal exaltation.
So she asked my dad. He said no, he was not going to become active again. She told him to move out, and that she was going to file for divorce.
Even at 14, it hit me that the church didn't care about family, it cared about following the rules.

The divorce was largely amicable, not very contentious. Dad paid alimony and child support, mom went to work. We *did* have less income than before, by a fair amount. To insure her blessings, mom not only insisted on a full 10% tithing, but on considerable other offerings, even if it meant we ate peanut butter sandwiches for meals for a week at a time. She told me these "sacrifices" would be worth it, in terms of "blessings." They weren't.

Before the divorce, my parents had a small but useful college fund started for all three kids. My older brother's got tapped, but not depleted, and parents paid for most of his BYU degree. When it came time for me to go to college, after serving a mission, there was nothing left. The church had taken it all. Same for my younger sister.
I got my degrees, by working full-time and going to school full-time for 8 years. And after leaving the church. No help from mom (who by then had remarried a TBM attorney, and actually could afford to help, but wouldn't because I had left the church). No help from dad other than moral support, because he simply didn't have the money.

Putting "exaltation" ahead of family, and having the bishop essentially "command" my mom to ditch my dad for a TBM husband, got me started on the road to leaving. For the rest, I thought and reasoned my way out.

So many of us have taken a boot to the face. You'd think something was terribly wrong.

I feel angry on your behalf. What an awful thing to do to a family.

I had to do the math. I was 39. I remember it as clear as day--it was sparked by a particular incident, which turns out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was a pivotal point in my life where I let a lot of reality sink in.

The worst thing is not that it did not benefit me in any way, in fact it did. As I said, it helped me see reality. The worst thing is that it did not help my parents in any way. It hurt them a lot and continues to. They will die penniless, but that isn't really what matters either. What matters is that they need help and better medical care than they can get. Stupid cult.

When I was 14 it became obvious to me that what the church taught about family could not be reconciled with the reality of my own dysfunctional family. I decided there probably was no eternal family, and even if there was, I didn't want to be a part of it. Other events along the way severely tested the limits of my cognitive dissonance, and I was out shortly after age 18. That was almost 50 years ago.

A slow process for me, starting when I was about 6 and ending when I was 22.

I could tell you the exact day I decided I would never again go back to TSCC. I had recently dropped out of BYU after asking lots of question about the church and discovering how much they had lied. For about 2 months I was in a depressed state having had my word collapse in on me, but not knowing where else to go except back to mormonism hoping somehow if I kept going things would change.

It was November 25, 2012 and I was 20 years old. I had decided to attended a different church for the first time. It was a Nondenominational Christian church and it was the most freeing thing I have ever done. I don't know how else to describe it except I felt like I could breath for the very first time. I felt like I wasn't trapped anymore and am capable of living my own life and making my own decisions. I finally felt like I get to choice what I do and don't believe and the world isn't as dark and evil a place as the Mormon Church would have me believe. There are tons of good people out there who are not mormon and have been better off never being mormon.

From there on out I started doing some research and coming to my own conclusions. In that year following I learned all about the way the church used there funds. If I am going to give money to something, it is not going to be to a church that wastes it on temples that do strange rituals inside or those hunting field (I don't remember what they call those). I am going to donate it to a charity that will use it to help the poor, sick, or injured, somewhere where my money is truly needed...

15.

But, my parents treated my siblings and me with pretty much the equal amount of love

I never felt abandoned by my parents due to the church but knew at a very, very young age that it was all made up...I kind of felt sorry for my family that they fell for it. I could never figure out why I was the only one who thought it was all BS...