We sat down tonight to think about the upcoming weekend with my parents. We both decided that it's best if we don't have a lot of sitting around time. Sitting around always leads to questions etc. that would be better asked and answered in a public not private setting. Read, it will be much harder for my Mom to cry loudly in a restaurant. At least we hope it will be.

They are coming in Friday afternoon. My Dad knows there is a rental car waiting for them. All he has to do is pick it up.

Here's what the plans are going to be.

-Arrive pick up their car and they then go to the hotel. I will be at work and stormy will also be at work.

-They'll come to stormy's house. A big leap into enemy terrority for my Mom. I'll be there already. We'll all be ready to go to dinner.

-Dinner will be a Fish Fry at stormy's church and the boys school. They serve fried perch or shrimp or a combo, three bean salad, pickled beets, cole slaw and fr fries or mac n cheese. Desert is pastries, make a donations and choose what you want. They can also have beer or wine. I'll be having the beer and stormy the wine. The boys pop with caffefine in it of course.

There will be no green jello or funeral potatoes served that night. Again it is in a public place. Mom has dragged both of us to enough Mormon events, I'm sure she'll be delighted to do this. After all it's for the boys school, a worthy cause.

By the time she takes in the banquet hall and the various statues of saints and the ever present crufix, she'll be worn out.

-Off to their hotel. I have a good book for her to read. The Power of Now. It is non religious. It discusses living now and how worrying robs you of tomorrow. That's one item we will be discussing.

-Saturday. I have PB that day. So we'll meet for breakfast at their hotel and then head with the boys to the museum. They can literally spend the entire day there. I figure she'll need to sit down eventually, so I'll take her and Dad to one of the cafes and we'll have our "religion" discussion.

Then I'll tell her that stormy and I are seriously considering remarrying after we live together for awhile. We've just started seeing each other again. So we'll see where it goes.
If I don't have to take to ER after all this, I think she'll be fine. By fine I mean so shell shocked she won't be able to talk.

My Mom is a good woman but she is a real TBM as is my sister. They worry constantly about eternal families. I intend to tell her to enjoy the one she's with right now. Now is important, the kids are growing up and need to know their grandparents. They don't have any others. Maybe just maybe, she'll get that message. One can hope.

She can ask all her questions concerning my current status, resigned and never intending to be a Mormon again. I will tell her exactly why I left. It will no good trying to convince her, she won't bend and she doesn't have to.

All she has to do is acknowledge that I no longer believe and won't ever believe what the Church says. I will ask her not to discuss the Mormon religion with me. It remains to be seen what she'll do with that one. Time will tell. She doesn't have to answer in complete sentences either, a nod will do the trick.

She will have her time and I'll answer her respectfully but with boundaries. After this time, I won't answer any more questions about why I left.

-stormy thought for sure she'd love to go to 5:30 pm Mass with her since both boys are altar boys for the service and if I want to I can tag along. So we put it on the agenda. Hard for Mom to refuse since again she dragged poor stormy to events. Like when my sister got married and of course stormy couldn't go to the temple and waited for it to be done outside. She hasn't forgotten that at all. In fact she was wishing one of our friends were getting married so they could tag along to that. Stormy definitely has a dark side at times, along with a very good memory.

-Saturday evening we'll go out to eat and if they want to they can come to Stormy's and read bedtime stories to the boys, though the boys might read to them.

-My Mother has expressed a desire -which is a polite word for insisting on going to a Church meeting Sunday. I said fine but it takes a long time and wouldn't you rather be with your grandsons? My Dad point blank told her forget church, I want to see the boys. Some one in the family is getting the idea.

-I go back to work Sunday at 4pm til 4am. I know I'll hear why can't you be a regular doctor with regular hours? It's like a broken record with her. I tell her each time, this is what I want to do. No office, hospital carries the liability insurance, I have good insurance. It's fast paced with different cases and I cover ICU which pays great.

-Stormy said she can handle them while I work. I don't doubt that one bit. Thought we both know she'll get grilled on the living together part. Stormy promised not to tell her we lived together before we were first married.

Yep, that's stormy you hear laughing. She hasn't quit the entire evening. I've been hearing remember when your Mom did this and that etc? I remember. Well stormy wants her to have a wonderful time. I highly doubt Mom will see it that way. But stormy will.

But Mom deserves exactly what she'll be getting. It's not so funny when you're on the receiving end of it.

-We'll give them a bare bones agenda by email and then give them the entire weekend agenda when they get here.

Now that it's done except for some revisions. No I won't be letting stormy do the revisions or she might throw in the Stations of the Cross since it's Lent, just to be ornery.

Any other good suggestions for the runaway train this weekend?

Bring them on.

Jake

Hey! no advice, but just wanted to say its really cool you guys allow us all to come along for your ride. Your story is inspiring and joyful. Love to hear more!

Come back and report.

Hey - don't rule out the Stations of the Cross too quickly. I am not, nor ever have I been, a Catholic; but I LOVE doing the Stations of the Cross... I used to do them with my R.C. friends all the time back in high school; and when I find myself being tour guide at the Basilica here [an amazing and beautiful building!], I impress my Catholic friends by suggesting we do the Stations together.

It always makes me feel like ridiculous religious prohibitions are well and truly behind me, and that I can enjoy my friends' faith along with them.

Return and report, okay?

The great thing about being an M.D. is that the career has so much versatility. But I guess your mom never plans on getting seriously ill after 5 P.M. on a weekday, right?

...and your mother's comment about "why can't you be a regular doctor" was funny. I suspect your mom would complain if they hanged her with a silk rope. *smiles*

You just gotta remember...

'families can be together fore...'

Sound like a plan! Good luck.

Oh come on, please tell your mom that you lived together before you were married!! Let her realize she was always living.a delusion of her own choosing. What is she going to do, retroactively refuse to acknowledge your wedding?

In one weekend you will give your mom at least six months of material for complaining when she tells all to her TBM friends. What a service you have done for her!

This must have just blown her little white bread world wide open, that all her prayers of you marrying some molly mo would never happen.

The whole thing about eternal families doesn't always make a lot of sense here on this end. I mean, I understand the sealing and BIC and all that, but then again there seem to be a lot of loopholes. :)

I read or heard that BICs will remain sealed, even if they apostasise. They can still be with their family in the afterlife, though it might take a little longer to get to the CK. I would assume the boys were pre-sealed to you since you were still a member when they were born (how does that work)? If that's true, then the boys are covered. :) Stormy's the one that's not sealed to anyone, but all that can be covered with the proxy work at some point.

Granted, I'm not clear on all this, but if there's any truth to it, it might be good to bring it up. I mean, not all hope is lost here. It might make your mom feel better about everything and she won't have to worry so much. :)

It sounds like you have a good plan going and I hope you have a great time together. :)

The boys were baptised Catholic. They have no ties or sealings...they are Mormon free.

You're right..I will mention in passing, we did the living together part once before...

Jake

I guess the boys aren't sealed to you, but I had heard that if you were BIC, you're still sealed to your parents, even though you have officially resigned, so you can still be together, though it might take a little longer to get to the CK. The rest of the family? Guess that's what proxy baptise is for? :)

I'm not clear on how this works or if this is true or accurate, but for all the drama around a child leaving the Mormon church, this could be something for the beleiving parents to hang on to, dontcha think? That you'll still be together in the afterlife?

Of course I have nothing to back this up, but I'd totally use it if it were my mom. :)

I give your plan the jon1 stamp of approval. Sometime during your "ride" she is going "buck". Just be ready with a smile and a firm hand. Sounds like your dad is coming to grips with things. My dad was the first to understand, and accept in my family too. The "patriarch thing" helps take the heat off, if dad's on board. Can't wait for the update Monday!

Great plan!

Not sure about Stations, though. Really not easy for the Morg with their relentless false cheeriness. Stations moves from structured prayer into meditative prayer and back--and most LDS are uncomfortable with those styles of prayer. And hello, Sign of the Cross en mass--that just might send your Mom screaming into the streets if the statues and crucifix haven't already.

But your fish fry sounds delish--way better side dishes than ours!!!!

"The boys pop"....THAT IS SOOO Midwest!! Minnesota here!!(well not for some years) and in the south sometimes i heard sodey pop!! good luck with that wild and wooly weekend!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2011 11:13AM by bignevermo.

They worry constantly about eternal families. I intend to tell her to enjoy the one she's with right now. Now is important, the kids are growing up and need to know their grandparents. They don't have any others. Maybe just maybe, she'll get that message. One can hope.
If you can get it thru her head that this is sooo very true...you will have won a LOT!! :)
EDITED FOR THIS: aw c'mon have them go to...
Stations of the Cross since it's Lent, just to be ornery.
LOLOLOL that was pure torture for me when i used to go!! :)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2011 12:48PM by bignevermo.

I've lived in the Midwest for over 15 years. Stormy was born and raised here so POP it is and it' s very Midwest.

Don't have any Utah accent any more.

Jake

Using stormy's computer and forgot she' s signed in so some of my posts are under her name. No doubt I'll here about that later on.

And Yes I'm at her house.

Jake

and i dont need any help in that regard!! :) thanks for clearing that up!! :)

As they are TBM and this weekend is General Conference, why don't you get them a TV and DVD player and let them watch Conference re-runs and then on Saturday and Sunday let them watch the new and improved version..

JB

Be SURE to mention you had sex before marriage.

It will ruin her weekend LOL.

That'll teach her to show up uninvited in hopes of lecturing adults on how to live their lives.

it sounds like to me that Stormy's ex is even renting them a car at his/her expense...sorry i cant figure out who is male and who is female!! AND they(thats better) are even sending out an itinerary!! so uninvited....no!!

Umh, a "good woman" does not usually try to boss around her adult offspring and their mates.

Sorry, but your mother is a self-centered bitch who imposes herself on others in the name of the Lord.

you can be "good" and still have faults methinks!! but Glo ya got got the quick draw judgement thing down pat!! :(

I can't wait for the play-by-play "return and report! :-)
My best wishes to you ! This is going to put your mom and dad in a whole new set of events. Good for you. They came to see you guys and the grand kids and they will -- doing what they always do!