Posted by:
Hmmm...
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Date: February 26, 2015 09:47PM
I was looking forward for months for the release of the colorful high tech science fiction action thriller, "Jupiter Ascending." This film features the saucer eyed Mila Kunis as the Russian immigrant who was born with the fortuitous gene sequence that made her the genetic clone of the murdered former owner of planet Earth. As such, Jupiter is entitled to lay claim upon Earth's assets which includes the entire human population.
So Jupiter is swept away from her earthly job of scrubbing the toilets of her wealthy employers to jaunt around our solar system and fall helplessly from several buildings only to be rescued every time by her half dog/half winged giant raptor/half human (wait...???) savior, Caine Wise. (Get it? Caine? As in canine? You know..Caine Wise,
as in...S M A R T D O G......Yeah, okay, we all 'get it')
At this point I'm beginning to wonder if the Wachowskis have some Mormon influence in their thinking, but then I figure the Mormons hold no exclusive franchise on being f'ed up.
So without going into a lot of plot spoilers for those who haven't seen it, in the end even though our Jupiter is the legal owner of planet earth and all its assets, our heroine (?) ends up back in Chicago with a toilet brush in her latex gloved hands happily scrubbing the effluence off the porcelain of her employers potty waiting for her shift to end so she can spend some free time cavorting with her new winged boyfriend.
I shared all this with a friend who said, "Well then, you KNOW the writer isn't Mormon because Jupiter would have returned to Earth and PAID money to scrub someone else's toilet."
When he's right, he's right.