I received this email from my sibling today. Written to me and another sibling who has left the church. It's quite long, but it's a good one, I promise. He has never EVER talked to me about my feelings, beliefs, or opinions, so he is clueless. Edited to remove identifying info. If you find any, let me know so I can remove it. Opinions welcome. Enjoy!


Hello my beloved siblings,

It's been quite a long time since we've had a real heart-to-heart with each other, and it's been over six months since I got home from my mission so I thought I would write this email to talk to you about life. I hope you are all doing well and that your children continue to grow up happy And know that they are loved. I'm going to be quite frank with you, the day after I got home, mom filled me in on the details regarding your various situations. When that conversation concluded I retired to my room downstairs and I don't think I could adequately express to you in words the depth of the unequivocal sorrow that I felt. I have never wept so bitterly in my entire life. Since I've been home I haven't said anything to you about it but I think it's about time that I express my feelings as your younger "sibling". A few weeks ago, I saw mom at what seemed to be the lowest point of her life. I have seen her suffer from serious depression in the past but never have I seen her at the level of sadness that I saw her in on Sunday. She feels as though her life's work as a mother has culminated in something very different from what she had expected and in a very negative way. It hurt me more than I can tell to see her in such a state, and I think each one of us, perhaps some more than others, have played a role in her getting there. Now you may be reading this thinking that either I or mom have a problem with overreacting, and though mom may have been known for having such a history, I for one do not have such a history, and I am appalled at the way that she has been treated. The vociferous diatribes which have been unleashed upon her time and time again by her own children are nothing short of damnable. As well as some of the abominable infractions which have taken place. I tell you one thing of a truth, and that is that you could not have asked for a better mother in this life! Yet somehow you manage to disregard so many of the things that she taught you growing up. And then, when she tries to help you and be there for you, you turn things around on her and make her appear as the antagonist. Are you so prideful that you cannot see the truth of these things? Are you so blind that you cannot see that mom loves you more than any mother could ever love their child? I think it's about time we all do more to show mom that we genuinely do love her. Because she deserves it! She may not be perfect, and she might not have always handled situations properly, but she did the best that she could and that’s all any parent can do.

Now, that being said I wish to discuss some other important topics with you. I don't know exactly what all of your feelings are toward the church, but I think it's safe to say that you've chosen not to be a part of it. I'm still awe-struck by this. How is it that you have chosen this course? Because you don't believe in it anymore? Bull crap. I know and recognize that you may have legitimate questions that you want answered, but I think it's more than that. If you were humble and genuine and had questions, then you would have asked for answers. I hope you know that the area in which I spent two years of my life preaching the gospel, is the area that has the highest concentration of anti-Mormon activity in the world. I heard every slight of doctrine, every slander against Joseph Smith, and every trivial and profaned incarnation of verities imputed to the church. And how easy it was to see through such a transparent illusion. So please don't try to respond with essays, articles, websites etc. about anti-Mormon dogma. The one thing I still cannot get over is how on earth does a person come to the conclusion that Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon. Really? You mean to tell me, that a pre-twenties young adult boy, with very little education, who grew up a farm boy doing manual labor all his life, who hardly knew how to compose a sentence in his earlier years, and who was only mildly versed in the Bible, as well as Semitic culture and custom, and knew nothing about middle eastern and Central American topography and geography, or ancient Hebrew literature, wrote what has become nearly the greatest theological literary work in the history of the world!? Sadly, I believe anyone who claims this to be the truth can be fairly given the not so flattering title of "lunatic". And if he didn't write it, then there can really only be one other feasible explanation, and that's the one that Joseph gave as its translator. Now I know you might be bothered by things like polygamy, the radical and controversial statements of Brigham Young, the interesting changes that have been made to the temple ceremony over the years, or current Egyptologists discrediting the Book of Abraham. However, all of these legitimate and understandable questions have legitimate and understandable answers. And were you humble enough to ask me sincerely and seek those answers I would discuss them with you. You would not be the first person that I would answer these questions for in a satisfactory manner. In truth, I don't think you actually believe that the church is false. If Joseph was a conman, the greatest conman in the world, who was cunning, witty, deceitful, full of guile and feigned love, why would he do it? What was the purpose? To get rich, to have more sex, to hurt people? None of those claims can be backed up! And if you'd like to talk more about that I'd be happy to give you the explanation. But anyone who has thoroughly studied the life and teachings of Joseph Smith, much as I did on my mission, would know that such a character as I described above is quite literally the antithesis of the man that was and is Joseph Smith! Claims of an evil and dark man were made by his enemies. But those who were closest to him gave very contrasting definitions. Definitions that he felt were too grandiose for him, or gave him too much credit. For anyone to believe that the church is not true, is by implication also testifying that Joseph Smith was an evil and awful human being. And that hurts me more than you know. I love the Prophet Joseph Smith and I know and can testify before God, Angels, and the world, that he restored the church of Jesus Christ.

Now to be honest, and I know you don't want to hear this, only indolence would cause someone to turn away from the church. I know it's hard, I know there are a lot of expectations, but it's so worth the work. I know that you have to fulfill a calling, do home and visiting teaching, pay tithing, do family history work and temple work, go to three hours of church on Sunday, keep the sabbath day holy, refrain from immoral indulgences, alcohol, tobacco, tea, coffee and illicit drugs, as well as do your duty to spread the gospel and serve other people as much as you can all while trying to work hard to provide for a family, maintain good relationships with everyone and find time for recreation. Is this all possible? Yes! Is it all difficult? Yes, for just about anyone it is. But you know who it's easier for? Those who have been doing it for quite some time. It takes practice, it takes work to improve and progress as a human being. If anyone has a desire to improve themselves, the church has the perfect formula. Now obviously not all members of he church are perfect and we all make mistakes, sometimes really big ones, but remember that does not reflect imperfections in the organization, only imperfections in the individual. The church is perfect, the members are not. I think it’s time that you take a step back and look at the evidences, look at your life. All I have seen, when people leave the church, is an inevitable and major retrogression, as well as a steep descent in the quality of their lives. And sometimes it doesn’t happen right away, but it always happens. Though others have greater descents than others, based on the fact that not everybody who leaves the church will turn to alcohol, drugs, sex/pornography, ill-speech, or other various vices. At any rate, and in any case however, the descent will come in varying speeds and degrees; you may even have already witnessed it in your own life. All I can tell you is that the gospel and the church is true, and that your life will be best lived in it rather than out of it. Take this for what you may, you are your own person and you can make your own choices. But please take time to carefully (and perhaps even prayerfully) consider what I have told you. I KNOW THAT THE BOOK OF MORMON AND THE CHURCH WHICH ESPOUSES IT TO BE TRUE!!! I love you more than you know, and I want what is best for you. I will respect your privacy, your agency and free-will. I will not speak of these things to you further, unless you come to me in sincerity, desiring to find the truth. So, if you do not plan on that, then I would delete this e-mail and forget everything you read. Because without an unfeigned heart, finding the truth is like looking for a pin in the sands of the Sahara. Again, this is all up to you. Remember that I love you and your children. I want the best life for you and for them. And I know that, that “best life” is had by living the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is found in it’s fulness within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Sincerely,

XXX



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2015 07:33PM by peterlynched.

If they can make good on this promise you have more than I ever will.

"I will respect your privacy, your agency and free-will. I will not speak of these things to you further, unless you come to me in sincerity, desiring to find the truth."

Some of them have promised this but routinely break it. A promise not made in a temple means nothing in my family.

I hear you. He didn't have the courage to actually talk to me about it, so I don't think he will bring it up anymore. We will see I guess. Sorry to hear your family acts that way.

This is like when the completely ripped Friberg Nephi didn't merely chastise, but balls out rebuked his brothers.

Sheesh!

I'd be tempted to write back, "Glad that's working for you."

In reality, I would probably reply, "Thanks for your concern."

No point bothering.

I think I would say exactly what you just said at the beginning of your post. "You have never EVER talked to me about my feelings, beliefs, or opinions, so you are clueless. Yes, do delete your e-mail and respect my choices, unless you're willing and courageous enough to have a real and honest discussion from my point-of-view as well."

I couldn't finish it. It amazes me the problems mormonism causes in families.

I wouldn't know what to say. It actually makes me sad, frustrated, etc., to read this.

I actually just finally had to have it out with my daughter last summer. At first it was in person, but then it ended up being in e-mails. I think SHE FINALLY GOT IT.

My feeling is HOW DARE HE? Really. How dare he?

And they wonder why we are angry? Thank whomever my parents didn't react like that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2015 07:49PM by cl2.

It was pretty mind boggling. And I can't blame anyone for not reading it all the way through.

I read the part about it is hard work and he listed all the things we are supposed to do.

So--you are lazy? right? We all are.

But my life is way better outside the stupid church.

Employment promotions, salary increases. Lovely wife who doesn't wear ugly undies. Kids are doing great.

The only ones struggling in my family are the TBMs.

A screed's a screed. And that one's a whopper. You have my sympathy, peter.

"Thank you for promising to respect my beliefs and not continue to convert me to your religion."

Then forget the rest.

Quick update. I decided to tell him it's not his business. He said it was. I said, in no uncertain terms, that regardless of where he got that idea, my life choices are none of his fucking business unless I decide to talk to him about them. And based on his condescending, arrogant, and ignorant letter, I will be doing no such thing. I think my other sibling is going to ignore it.

Sounds like a good answer to me, especially due to the condescension and the arrogance.

And they seem to think they know us better than we know ourselves.

Yeah, boundaries aren't really a thing in my family. So I set them with him. He was confused at first, it was kinda funny.

Your little brother is deluded & brainwashed.

I read the whole thing, & if one of my siblings ever did this to me, I would tell them off.

Funny thing thing is, I thought a lot of the same things things. Then my eyes were opened. I would never have written such an arrogant letter back in the day, maybe just thought some of the same stuff in my head.

That letter was dripping arrogance from every line. Sigh. If my brother sent a letter like that to me, I don't think I'd respond, but I'd be hurt and it would cause immense amounts of damage to whatever relationship there was.

Best of luck. Mormonism sucks.

Where is the highest concentration of anti-Mormon activity in the world?

By my definition it would be in Utah!

Hope he respects your boundaries, very harsh email. Not loving or respectful.

I have a similar letter. Join the club. =[

I'm not the first and definitely won't be the last. Glad people out there understand the insanity.

Wow.
I don't ever have any words that are adequate for this.

Indolence? LOL> How very predictable. Sounds like he has a Nephi complex.

Indeed, he works hard to sound like a GA in his writing. I stopped reading his emails while he was out on the mish (along with a lot of other people) because he writes like such an asshole. He doesn't talk like that in real life. Pretty sure he googles a lot words while he writes.

I usually respond to judgmental preachy mormons with this:

"You'll get over it."

No better testimony that the LDS worship their church and its founder.

Dear Little Sib,

You're right, mom's the best. But as for the rest, I can hardly wait for the day to come when we will both be able to look back on your heartfelt letter and have a good laugh together, instead of just one of us.

Please keep in mind that I am willing to go all the way to a no contact policy if needed to help you enforce your own commitment to show respect for my free agency. Let's not let it get that far out of hand.

Regards,

One of the People Who Changed Your Diapers Once Upon A Time

I hope that's the case. It will be a long time coming if so, but I bet he would get a kick out of what an asshole he was. I know I did. I was mad for about the first twenty seconds, but after that I couldn't help laugh at the absurdity of his letter. I have lived the life he is living. I was similarly committed to TSCC. He is preaching to his older, RM, temple married brother like I never considered anything he is saying.

It's sad, because he might be really cool if not for how fucked up the church has made him. I am mad, but not really at him. I'm mad at how the moism sours relationships when one party discovers the truth. Honestly, he is threatened by me. Why else would he vehemently defend his faith when I've never said a word about it to him?

This is how I would respond:

"She feels as though her life's work as a mother has culminated in something very different from what she had expected..."

Life is like that. You get a good measure of what you planned for, and a whole lot of the unexpected. However if you pin your hopes and dreams on other people's choices, you are bound to be disappointed. And the disappointment that you feel is how you choose to feel about things. You are in charge of your own feelings. You can choose to feel disappointed, or you can realize that life is going to throw you some curveballs and thus develop a mature attitude about it.

Families face far more severe crises than that of what particular church a family member attends (or doesn't attend.) Mormonism has taught both you and Mom to fear those who choose differently, but it doesn't have to be that way. You are both free to make your religious choices, and I am free to make mine. I don't want to live in fear. I think that you will come to find that I am the same decent human being at heart that I always have been, *IF* you open your heart to see that. But if you choose to live in fear, you will only focus on the negative. That will be your choice, and a sad one. Please try instead for tolerance and understanding. They are qualities that wear well in the long run.

You know, I come from a brilliantly fabulous family of sibs,

cousins, Aunts and Uncles, most of whom still belong to the

crutch. If anyone of them had ever had the disrespect and

the audacity to send me a letter like that I'd be outraged

and disgusted, not to mention pissed off that they would

attempt to tell me how I'm living is wrong . I'd take

a big red Scripto marker and write Bull shit all over the

letter and send it back to them and tell them that if they

ever had the nerve to try and tell me how to live my life

again, that would be the last time they would ever see me

or hear from me. That letter to you was written by a pompus

ass who has no right to tell you anything and who does not

have any respect for you. Tell him to shove it.

Summer, I was reading your post scrolled in such a way that I didn't see your name. I thought, "That has to be summer." Sure enough ... LOL

There's a reason why you're my favourite poster. :o)

Aww. :) My initial reaction after reading the OP's post was, "I don't know where to start with that one." lol So I had to think about it for a while.

I don't know your relationship to your siblings, but I would tear my siblings apart with a good lashing if they dared to talk to me this way. Maybe it's because I'm the oldest, but none of my siblings have ever dared to take me to task like this.

I'm actually very kind to them. I remember their birthdays, and their children's birthdays, with presents. I buy them all presents for Christmas. I keep in touch with them by phone or by Facebook fairly regularly. I'm sure they could live without me, but their lives would be a bit bleaker if they cut me off. If they wanted to choose the church over me, that would be a bit foolish on their part.

Me and this sib don't talk often. We aren't friends, but we are nice to each other when together. He is wrapped up in his own life since he got back, and shows little interest in the rest of us, except apparently, to try and rebuke us when we "live in sin". I will have even less contact with him after this little rant of his.

my favorite part:

it's been over six months since I got home from my mission so I thought I would write this email to talk to you about life


Life? after a two year indoctrination tour of duty?

save this letter, in a few years you can embarrass the hell out of him