If it is not too personal I would be interested in hearing what the church thought you did that was so heinous that you needed to be booted from the super speshul club. What was the "court of love" like? Were the penishood holders assholes?

Between my period of inactivity and leaving the church I fornicated with several different women. While I was inactive I planned on coming back to the fold and getting back into good graces at some point and I knew this would involve confessing my "sins" to the bishop. I'm almost certain my activities would have at least got me disfellowshipped. Do you think I may have been exed for this also?

If one of the ladies was his daughter, yes, you'd have been ex'd.

If they were all gentiles, or as we used to call easy non-member girls, 'genitiles', like the girls from St. Mary's of the Wasatch, you'd have gotten a complete pass if you'd left 'pass along' cards. You think I'm joking?

I had sex before my mission, with a non-member. When the bish and the dude from SLC asked for details, I had to admit that although I had felt an almost physical cascade of horrible guilt that washed over me like a heavenly Niagra Falls, I went back for seconds and then thirds, before deciding that I shouldn't do it anymore. They seemed to appreciate my descriptions of her ripe young body...

My only 'punishment' was having to wait a year before departing, borne aloft by clouds of angels, on my mission.

Men have it so easy...

I was excommunicated, but I'm not going to talk about why.

Anyway, if all those things were while you were inactive, they may have gone easy on you when you went back. Then again, if you got a real prick stickler bishop, he may have exed you.

Seems to me that it's very subjective.

I had always thought it would be with a bunch of men from the stake, but I assume that since I'm a woman, not a priesthood holder, it was just my bishopric and the ward clerk. I was not going to go if it was a bunch of strange men from the stake. I almost didn't go to it anyway, but I decided I should, just so I wasn't forever in the dark about what was said and done, and to be sure there were no lies being told. Plus I was still hanging on to the church for some reason.

No one spoke but the bishop and me. He's a fairly decent guy, most of the time, and was polite and courteous then, too. The bishop wanted me to tell the rest of them, in detail, why I was there. I refused, and told him he could tell them himself. We all decided it would be best for me to be exed, as I was not sorry for what I had done and said I would do it again if given the chance.

It was pretty painless. And once it was done, I couldn't figure out why I had been so worried about "losing my membership". Turns out it was all about not wanting to disappoint my mother. And I could write a book about that subject, blah.

Wouldn't bishops love to "pickle sticks" for misbehavior.

Maybe that's what's wrong with The Brethren ... pickled sticks?

(Sorry. I just can't seem to get beyond 8 years old for some reason ... )

I requested and received member removal. However, I have a good returned missionary friend who was excommunicated for "losing his testimony" in the old days before member removal was possible. He didn't do anything bad, he just told his bishop that he didn't believe it anymore.

He has never discussed what took place during his "trial", but said it was very demeaning and no one should ever have to go through that. He is bitter about it to this day.

With each new day I realize more and more that TSCC is really, really f**ked up! Why is god's name do they have to be such a-holes. If it were not for the legal system, we would all have to go through their nonsense to escape the CULT.

My husband was ex-communicated. He was raised Mormon, but during his teen years he decided that he didn't believe. He was a little bit wild during this time. He apparently went to an interview with his bishop (next door neighbor) when he was 16. When he was asked all the "worthiness" questions he was honest. He told them that he didn't believe anyway. He stopped going to church. Nothing really happened at that point.

Three years later he started going to a Christian church and decided he wanted his name off the Mormon records. He sent in his letter. Instead of just removing him, they held a "court of love" or whatever it is. They decided to ex-communicate him based on that bishop's interview when he was 16.

From what I've heard, they weren't supposed to do that. He was legally out when he sent his letter. This was about 20 years ago. Looking back it seems like a pretty jack-assy thing to do. It must have been really humiliating for his mom to have her friends and neighbors do that. When we got married a bunch of people that made up that court of love were at our wedding. They were all smiles and polite, but I'm sure they grieved over that fact that we were unworthy to have a proper Mormon wedding. We had to make due with 200 of our closest friends and family in a beautiful Episcopal cathedral. It was a hard day. ;) They gave us crappy presents by the way.

There was a time not too many years ago that the only way out was ex-communication. TSCC reluctantly changed after losing a big law suit.

I was only disfellowshipped for having sex with a woman while on my mission. early 80's

ten years before, my cousin was ex'ed for losing his testimony while on his mission. late 70's.

Why the two different punishments? Why is losing your testimony worse than fornication?

The thing is that the woman who I had sex with told me that I wasn't the first missionary she'd slept with. I told my MP during my confession what she'd said, needless to say all missionaries that had served in that area were suddenly called in for interviews. Some that had already gone home got called in by their bishops for interviews. I didn't mean to "narc" on these guys, I just gave the details of what and how it happened and what was said.

Duh ... You can repent after fornication. Discovering truth has no known cure or antidote. Fornication does not threaten the Church; losing your testimony most certainly does.

...What really makes me sick, is that I went through their steps of repentance and kept in Mormonism for more than a decade.

I'm ex Mormon now, but it sure would of helped if I would of been ex'ed first and enjoyed a "real" true life.

I was disfellowshipped by a prick of a bishop who decided to hold a "court of love" for me right after he became the new bishop. The previous bishop had only placed me on "6 months probation." My experience with the "court of love" was not very pleasant...the bishop was a holier than thou dick and the other men at it were very invasive in their questions...trying to make something more than what it was, it seemed. I started reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness" during this process and studying it and things in it led to me discovering pesky things about the church's history and my shelf collapsing.

My father was excommunicated in the mid 1970's. He was a convert to the church but had been inactive for several years (drinking and smoking again) and had an affair. My mom divorced him over the affair but when they got back together she made him go to the bishop and confess to having the affair. My dad did as she requested and he was excommunicated. Shortly after this, the bishop who pushed the excommunication and was a total ass to my dad (very public about my dad's exing), was exed himself shortly after this for having a multi year affair with someone who worked for him. My dad stayed inactive/excommunicated for another 10 years. He was rebaptized around 1986-87...was active for another 15-20 years, but was inactive and drinking again until his death 1-1/2 yrs ago.

My father-in-law is a lifelong, multi-generational, pioneer heritage TBM...even worked for TSCC his whole career. He was serving a mission with my MIL in Central America and something happened to make him reveal to her that he had struggled since childhood with "same sex attraction" but claimed he had never acted on it. Within 24 hrs of this confession they were back state side and he was excommunicated. Nothing related to his excommunication could be revealed in writing...only over the phone or in person. The only people who could be told of it were their adult kids...no other relatives or acquaintances were to be told. It was kept very hush hush and he was even allowed to have "callings" during his excommunication that lasted 8 years. His rebaptism was also announced and held in the same manner as the exing. Grandchildren were not to be informed of the exing, rebaptism, or attend the baptism.

I was never ex'd or disfellowshipped, but I think that's because the bishop went easy on me. In my early 20's I was inactive for 3 years. I had a lot of sex with my nevermo boyfriend, and also drank and did some drugs. Because I was still a brainwashed believer, the mormon guilt eventually caught up to me. I broke up with my boyfriend and confessed all to the bishop, promising to be a good little girl. He told me to read the Miracle of Forgiveness (which I only read about 1/4 of), and put me on "probation" for 3 weeks, which was basically that I couldn't take the sacrament during that time.

I personally know of three people who have been ex'd. One was a guy who had sex with a woman on his mission, one served jail time for selling drugs, and the other is a woman who had an affair with a guy she met at the gym. She was married with 5 kids, and got pregnant a 6th time with her lover's child. They both divorced their spouses and got married to each other.

Let me preface this by saying that every man I know of in the

church who was screwing around on his wife was never ex'd.

HOwever , the one woman I know who was having an affair with

a married man was disfellowshiped while the man was neither

ex'd or disfellowshiped. The woman told me that six months

after she'd been disfellowshiped, a 70 who was in our ward

called her and told her how sorry he was that things had

turned out that way and that it wasn't fair to her, he had

been in on the "court of Love" and thats why he knew about

it.


Another woman told me that when she went to the Bishop for

the temple recommend, her husband confessed to having

multiple affairs, The bishop never told the wife about her

husband and He was given the temple recommend, the

wife was given her recommend and the husband later went

on to be the serial adulterer that he had been before. It

wasn't until years later that the wife found out about it.


There is no excuse for hiding that information from a wife.

The misogyny and paternalism of the mormon church, and

most christian churches is horrendus. Any woman who subjects

herself to those kind of religions end up feeling like a

second class citizen for her whole life, because in fact,

that's how she is perceived and that is how she is treated.

Like a fucking breed sow.

I questioned the authority of the CULT and got kicked out.

Oh if they knew what Ive done they'd probably ex me. But the Bishop avoids me. Last thing I heard from him was that he'd get back to me as soon as he found some answers to my questions... that was over a year ago.

I exed the Mormon church!

That counts for excommunication. I cut it off at the pass.

My trip into the rabbit hole that is LDS started when my neighbor, who I thought was a good friend, was ex'd. He was 28 years old and admitted to having sex and watching porn. What 28 year old isn't having sex and watching porn??

The emotional upheaval was astounding. I couldn't believe that he allowed these people to hold such power over his life and his self worth. After a couple years of not attending, he seemed to be recovering, but then met a molly mormon and fell in "love". Man was that ever a learning experience.

After reading these stories, all I have to say is that I despise mormonism. It's the most destructive force i've ever run across in my lifetime. The crap they lay on good people and innocent children is inexcusable. They do incredible damage to people. It makes me sick.

I would like to add this:
When I was reinstated, I had to interview with a GA. It was Elder Bateman. When he met me the first words out of his mouth were: You never should have been excommunicated. I was a bit stunned. I'd never had a male authority leader ever admit any kind of mistake, ever. He then proceeded to give me a blessing and reinstated me without ever asking a single question. I never expected an apology (of sorts) and to be reinstated without
being beaten to the ground. I have to say, he was a gentle soul.

However, when I suggested my record be wiped clean if i'd been wrongly ex'd, He looked at me like I must be out of my mind. He said something about that not ever happening.

Fast forward 20 years. I tell my stake president what Elder Bateman said. Stake pres. called me a liar. Claimed that NOBODY with authority would ever say that.
I told him that he was defying Christ and would rot in hell for doing so. In fact, what he was doing to me was worse than any sin i'd ever committed. That didn't go well. lol

All I was asking this arrogant asshole to do was sign his name so DH(of 20 years) and I cold be sealed. He was bound and determined to not let that happen. I don't know why he even cared. DH and I had been married for 20 years. During that time we'd raised 3 kids in the church. All good kids, one was on a mission at the time.

Like I told this asshole, we've given our marriage, kids, time, money, energy, and life to this church for 20 years. Explain to me why you don't think we should be sealed to each other. All I got was a blank look. He then proceeded to demand I write down every sin i'd committed in the last 30 years! told him that i'd repented, and wasn't required by GOD himself to do that. Mr. sp. was waaaaay out of line. I wasn't going to comply, not out of rebellion, but for the lack of memory. I have memory problems, and couldn't answer his questions if I wanted to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2015 03:09AM by madalice.

OMG.... they treated you like shit. I was about to say I can't believe it , but unfortunately I can.

That was just plain mental abuse. Christ, I hate that fucking
church.

Aren't you so glad you got out????? What a relief for you.

Back in the late 70's I asked the local ward to take my name off the rolls--I was tired of the constant intrusive invitations to go to church events. I received a letter in the mail inviting me to a court of love. I laughed and tore the letter up and threw it in the trash.

Friends today want to know what horrible thing I did back then to be excommunicated.

I was disfellowshipped and then a few years later came back and resigned (had my name officially removed). The first woman I ever had sex with, went off the deep end and soon afterward had sex with several other guys and then ended up pregnant, and excommunicated. We had the same Bishop. It was her third excommunication. I remember how in general conference as a teen, they said to confess and talk to your Bishop, that he could help. The church leaders actually made everything worse. They simply believed and acted on, a bunch of lies.

The guy she ended up getting married to was a friend (former friend now) of mine who I had introduced so her friend would have a date while visiting town. So he fucks my girlfriend the first chance he gets, and he only gets disfellowshipped. His bishop later tells me that this former friend wouldn't have even been disfellowshipped except that he had been sexually active previously. I was in love with this woman at the time and she and I had discussed marriage. No one apologized. Suddenly in my mind, the value of both my former virginity and my church membership went to zero.

Under great opposition by the church leaders who were involved, I filed a paternity suit. I told her Bishop that I would bring a police officer to his sacrament meeting If I had to, to get the paternity lawsuit papers served. Only then, he started cooperating. The Bishop of this guy's former ward issued a threat of physical violence against me.

Both myself and the guy she married were excluded through blood testing, as being a biological father of the child. I even went as far as meeting personally with her stake president before filing the paternity suit. I didn't want to harm her new family or the child. All of the church leadeds involved opted for the angry, judgemental, self-rightous approach. They refused to consider that this former virgin (me before I met her) might have some parental instincts and a desire to do the right thing, regardless of the personal costs.

A decade later, the public court records show a nasty divorce, and a lot of fighting over child support for several children. Some woman who was both pregnant and later divorced her own husband, got a restraining order against this woman (my long-ago former girlfriend) at about the same time as their own divorce. Eventually, this former girlfriend then married this woman's former husband (soon after the divorce). You have to wonder what they told all of the kids. Yeah, I dodged the bullet. But just look at how the church leaders handled this whole situation back when there was only one innocent child who would suffer. A few apologies, and digging for the truth by church leaders might have gone a long way to helping everyone involved to heal and learn how to have honest relations with others.

Instead, lies, coverups, and pride prevailed. Innocent people were harmed, and I am even not counting myself amongst the innocent. One can only imagine how for them, how their respective betrayls of myself and all of the lies to their church leaders about that and more, might set the tone of distrust between eachother in their new marriage. From my perspective, this is what happens when you share your real-life problems with church leaders, and ask for their help with repentance. You're better off to resign right now, or at the first signs of troubble. Certainly don't trust them or think they'll help you. If you ever need help resolving something like this, just go right to the courts of law. There, you cand find real judges that can act with real fairness and certainly with more compassion.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2015 11:28AM by azsteve.

I admire your courage.

(LONG)

My disfellowshipment story starts with a confession to the bishop. I kind of figured I would get disfellowshipped or even ex'd, but I wasn't expecting it to be such a shaming experience. I was very naive about what was going to happen.

In the bishop's office, the conversation started with an atmosphere of loving support. He had a sh!tty grin on his face and told some stories that encouraged just getting everything out. My confession included talking about years of porn and masturbation (although previously confessed to other bishops many times), a couple of visits to strip clubs and a non-sexual emotional affair that had gone on for several months and which I thought was likely going to end my marriage.

The second I had finished spilling all the beans, his face immediately changed to a stern look. I realized he was being kind at first only to extract the most information and I felt duped (but somehow stupidly remained compliant/submissive). He now moved into reproof mode and scolded me for treating my wife this way for so many years. He explained that this would have to go before the stake president, since I was a priesthood holder.

The stake president met with me and I had to repeat the story, then endure lots of probing about what exactly I had done. I don't think he or the bishop believed that I hadn't had sex with anyone. The stake president didn't lecture me, but did offer a couple of hope-filled scriptures. Then explained we would have to go ahead with the court of love, which involved the stake high council.

I had a friend in the ward who was on the high council and when he found out I would be appearing at a court of love, he immediately dropped the friendship, and that turned out to be permanent. It caught me off guard because I expected a loving response to a "sinner" who was earnestly trying to repent. I felt humiliated, but worse was to come.

On the morning of my court appearance, I was told to come in the back door to the high council meeting room area. It's probably meant to help protect people's privacy, but I found it demeaning. I knew my friend was on the high council and expected him to be there (he never before or after spoke one word about it to me), but I wasn't expecting others I knew. On the stake high council were several people I worked with because this happened in a smallish town and there was one main employer. Others were parents of my children's friends.

I was called in and the stake prez asked me to tell everything again to the whole group. With the stake presidency, stake clerk and high council there were at least 16 men in the room and I think a couple of extras for some reason. Going through my personal, private details in front of a group of people that size was devastating. At the end of my full confession I said I wanted to apologize to the church for misrepresenting it and the priesthood by my actions. When I was done they said they needed to deliberate. While they deliberated they required me to sit in a separate room with the stake executive secretary there with me. He was basically standing guard and I felt like a criminal. He was also another person I worked with and I cannot overstate how awkward I felt and just trapped there.

Eventually, I was ushered back into the meeting room, was told I would be disfellowshipped, which came as a relief and they seemed pleased that I had feared excommunication. Then the stake prez had everyone in the room make a comment on my situation, each offering a bit of "inspired" advice. These amounted mostly to trite mormon cliches, like date your wife once a week. There was no sign of understanding my situation and that is part of what made it so shaming. No one tried to understand *me* or why these things had happened. No one wanted to hear how I had really given my whole heart to the church and Jesus despite falling short over and over again. No one seemed to acknowledge or empathize with how devastating it felt to fail like that when it came to the things in my life that mattered the most, my church and family. Another thing that bothered me is that no one expressed any tiny bit of weakness in themselves. It was as if they were all spotless representatives of god here to mete out his will. The self-righteousness was sickening.

Finally, I was told I could leave and everyone in the room stood as I exited. This was likely supposed to be a sign of respect, but I took it to be another sign that they were good and righteous and I was lowly, that I was supposed to feel privileged to still be counted among them, and that they were so merciful in taking pity on me. It was so humiliating that I burst into uncontrollable sobs in front of everyone. I slipped out back door again and into my car where I cried for a long time. It wasn't the cry of relief from having unburdened my guilt, it was the cry of having been publicly shamed and humiliated.

After that, most of the high councilors rarely looked me in the eyes. One of them tried to do some friendly things, but it wasn't in the way where "we are equals and you are my true friend" but in the "I take pity on you and will do you a favor out of my righteous kindness". Anyone who has experienced this knows what I'm talking about. Remember, these were people I was seeing regularly in the workplace and who had influence over my career.

Obviously, during the period of disfellowshipment, the shaming continues. Basically everyone finds out when you can't take the sacrament, can't hold callings, can't pray in class, etc. People withdraw.

I took it all, because I figured this is what god wants from me. He knows best and this is what he wants me to experience to get back to him. And I was willing to do anything. I never did get re-fellowshipped, or whatever you call it. I never stopped masturbating and the stake prez said that was a requirement. I promised myself I wouldn't lie to save face in the community because I knew that god wanted me to be honest. Then I started noticing how no one else was being honest in the same way. People who hadn't gone through the punishment system just didn't have to put themselves out there at all. They could go around acting righteous and pure without any mention of the slightest sin. I hated that difference, but I told myself it was my fault for creating the situation with my own choices.

The disfellowshipment went on for years. Sometimes in the middle of church I would get shame attacks, where I just felt completely worthless and that everyone was judging me. These were debilitating and excruciating and I would have to leave the service.

Looking back, I'm sad that I didn't have enough self-respect to call bullsh!t at any point. It's sad that there was no one in my life to protect me from all of that and set me on a healthier path.

I'm sorry that happened to you, Anon1Time.

I can relate. Although my actual excommunication meeting went well, everything leading up to it was much like this and I understand your feelings.

They just want their confessions, and then to proceed to humiliate you. They don't care about anything else.

And I cannot BELIEVE that I allowed someone to have that kind of power over me.

Hopefully you, like me, have gone on to realize that it was all bullshit and you are happy now and have put that experience behind you, never to be done again.

I had an affair with my wife's brothers wife (essentially my sister-in-law, yeah it's a dick move) and admitted it to my bishop for a couple of reasons that made sense at the time. The main one was I knew my wife would demand it if there was to be any chance of keeping our marriage together (we have). The second was I knew the woman was going to tell her bishop and they would want to know who and I would be found out. The third was I was having doubts about the church and hoped this would be a tangible way to experience the atonement if it is true (it's not).

After talking to the bishop I was referred to the stake president who then ruled that I could have a disciplinary council with just the bishopric. I was disfellowshipped and the woman was as well.

I moved shortly after and had to explain everything to the bishop of my new ward who was anxious to give out callings. About 6 months after moving there he was replaced by a new bishop and the whole thing started again.

All in all the process is ridiculous and these men are completely at a loss on what to do. They have a manual to go by and that is it. As someone else mentioned there is no interest in the person or their healing, the ONLY thing that matters is your standing to the church. The last bishopric I met with were only interested in hearing the details of my affair and ensuring that I have a testimony. No real interest in how my relationship with my wife is or how I'm doing. The only thing they can judge on is if you have a testimony then you're fine, if not you are messed up.

In one of my meetings one of the bishopric members told me if I don't believe in the restoration fully then I just haven't studied enough. Challenge accepted and you all know where that led. They eventually restored me to full fellowship even though I told them I couldn't care less about my membership (I think they did it for my wife) and I am inactive. The SIL was back and going to the temple pretty much 1yr after the fact. We are both still married to our spouses and family gatherings are a bit awkward.

You don't get thrown out for kicking owls. Not when you are Totally Awesome. Am surprised I'm not an Apostle yet!

first, I was disciplined for testifying at a public meeting of the state Parks & Recreation Commission, neither tscc nor my personal matters of faith were mentioned...


later, I called TSCC on their lies (False Claims regarding Honesty, among others); seems as though they didn't appreciate that...

A bp from Seattle (area) communicated to my SP in ohio (boy are they 'good' at that!) about my yrs prior 'history' incl. things I had posted online (not flattering to church or leaders, hmmmmmm).


Oh Well.

I was disfellowshipped and the "Court of Love" was a horrible experience that didn't offer any "forgiveness". I was mostly disfellowshipped for not believing in TSCC anymore. I was teaching Gospel Doctrine and went in to say that I didn't believe anymore so I really should be released from my calling. A Court of Love was held for me within the month. I confessed to another sin of going to far with a guy who wasn't a Mormon. I was told that this wasn't the reason I was being disfellowshipped, but apostasy was the reason. It never made sense to me because while I taught Gospel Doctrine, I stuck to the basics and never declared my disbelief. I didn't teach anything about what I was learning about the church's falsehoods and history issues. I guess someone might have complained about me as a teacher, but it was ver told to me. I never thought the claim of my being an apostate was really fair, but I sure became one. The hardest part for me was waiting in a dark hallway for 5 hours while the bishopric decided what to do with me. It was also not pleasant to tell them all details about my life and the things I did with the guy I had been with. I think it would have just been easier to tell them I had had sex than to go into details about what we did together. They were shocked. I don't know why, but I jumped through their hoops for a year to get my good standing back. I stopped believing, then went back years later and was re-instated. I just stopped going a year after that, as I asked myself why in the hell I was still attending a religion I didn't believe in and actually hated. I finally officially resigned, after not attending or believing for years, this past summer. I'm Catholic now and confessed sins for the first time last week and was instantly forgiven. The priest emphasized that it was very important to forgive myself as well, as he feared I was not doing (I wasn't). I asked if I could take Communion (the Sacrament) and he looked a bit shocked that I had even asked and said that of course I could. My penance was praying for 2-3 minutes for the other people in my class I had taken leading up to being baptized. The shock for me was actually feeling forgiven. I had never felt forgiveness in TSCC. They make their repentance process so long and painful that it is impossible to walk away feeling good about yourself, IMO. Taking the Sacrament away from someone for a whole year doesn't make sense and just causes a lot of shame and guilt for the believer. It's a pretty quick way for the believer to become non-believing, IMO. I have to say that the "sins" I have done as a Catholic, I believe to be worse than what I did as a Mormon. At least according to my own moral code of ethics.

I never liked, understood or fully agreed with the whole making you refrain from taking the sacrament while you are repenting. It makes it very visible to everyone around you (friends, parents, kids, acquaintances) that you have fucked up in a way that the church deems pretty severe. Everyone will probably assume it was a sexual transgression and in most cases it probably is because sexual sins are usually about the only sins most mormons commit that the penishood holders think are "serious" enough to make you refrain from taking the sacrament.

Why the outward show to the whole ward that you have done something "bad?" Such bullshit to shame somebody like that.

people who attend the 'courts of love' aren't loved, and frankly, TSCC doesn't care if they believe in JS & the rest of the BS. The only issue is conformity-compliance.period.

on me own recognizances...

My aunt got excommunicated for getting pregnant outside wedlock at BYU she was only 19 years old and not endowed. The guy on the other hand a RM nothing happened to him no probation no disfellowshipped.
A scoutmaster sexually abused boys in his troop and when he admitted it nothing also happened to him because it was already over 10 years ago and he had said that he had repented they also didn't tell the wive about it. The scoutmaster is in prison now because he sexually abused another boy in 2013 and got caught buy the police. It took me over 1 year to get an annotation on his membership record so that he can't work with youth anymore. The send him to another ward and yet again he worked with the youth. The annotation didn't help. He did got excommunicated when he went to prison in 2014.
As a teenager I got in to trouble for drinking coke and almost wasn't allowed to attend a temple youth trip because of it.