They have been bugging me lately. Classmates, doctor, teachers.

I have asperger and ADD like I have written before. I just want to be alone and study on my own. But the rules are the same for everybody so we have to be social in our work. It feels like crap when I leave my state of hyperfocus to switch study material for another seminar. Time after time... yuck!

Today I could not stand it any longer. I was forced this week into writing a work with another student and it feels like being locked into a room and the air is going out. I do not hate people but I can only study with focus. No other way I can get information into my tiny brain with a working memory like the size of nothing. I was trapped, feeling sick, could not find words. Left my task and asked being unlisted from the programme.

They have been on me lately. Bugging me. I am not going to kill myself even if I feel self-hatred and gloom.


It feels like there is a conspiracy. They recruit each other and I only understand hours or days later that it was a set-up.

I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF!

I understand--been there, done that (though not in a university situation).

Are you going for qualifications in a field which is similar to your university studies? (Will there be implicit social requirements in the field you are trying to qualify for?) If so, it might be time to reevaluate other career or professional possibilities which do not require this kind of "social" component.

If this is a requirement which is specific to this particular university, then it might be time to identify other universities in which these studies are not handled in this particular, "social," way.

Most jobs and careers are "social," at least in part. (Even if you are allowed to do your actual work in solitude, you still have to "sell" your project to whoever is financing it, and then--in many cases--you have to keep on "selling" it to your ultimate "customer": consumers, etc.) To me, author appearances at bookstore gatherings, conventions, etc. are a form of forced labor.

Another example: Though extroverts obviously predominate, I don't think most people realize that introverts are also a part of the entertainment industry (on most any level: producers, directors, writers, actors, below-the-line personnel like cinematographers, etc.). I have known many actors (both genders) who are essentially introverts (sometimes in pronounced ways), and they have found ways to maintain careers within the often over-the-top extroversion of the overall industry (sometimes by mentally "playing" the role of an extrovert as they interact with others in the industry--such as financiers or producers).

It can be done--maybe not easily, and maybe with some high level of stress--but it CAN be done.

You just have to locate the right venue for your university studies, which leads to a career in a field which is compatible with your own inner needs.

I wish you well, because I know this is a rough go.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2019 04:34PM by Tevai.

You might do better in an online university. There are plenty of options these days (although even online classes often have group projects.) And perhaps one day you can work from home.

Another thought is to talk to someone in student services. Do you have an IEP? Even colleges have to accommodate special needs students. Perhaps you can work with a counselor at your campus so that your needs can be accommodated.

As a teacher, I understand why other teachers design group projects, because those projects often mimic a work environment where colleagues must work together. But there are certain jobs where you can function in greater isolation. Again, informed counseling from someone at your university is key. You will get it figured out. Have faith in yourself.

We are here for you. Reach out whenever you need to.

So sorry for your distress, Lafayette. I hated "group" projects when I was in school. It seemed like every group I was in had one bright kid (usually me), two regular kids, and one real doofus, who would get on everyone's nerves and distract from the entire project.

With experience, I learned how to manage the two regular kids, basically gave the doofus crayons and told him/her to draw illustrations and be prepared to explain how they were involved with the project.

Then the project could be organized between us three remaining kids, dividing up the research and presentation.

That sounds kind of elitist, but it was the only reasonable way to get the "group" thing done. I very much preferred being responsible for my own work ONLY.

I'm hearing from my colleagues that are taking online courses that it's getting worse. One or two people are having to carry four person groups. I wonder if group projects function more poorly in an online environment where you've never met the other people IRL.

I am not on the autism scale, but am an introvert and group projects drive me crazy! I have sensory issues and noise breaks my concentration. I work more productively by myself.

I agree with summer that school group projects mimic workplace environments. I still find working with others to be excruciating, whether it is for school or work.

As catnip pointed out, some group members essentially freeload and take advantage of the brighter members. This is irritating to the ones who work hard.

Tevai offered good advice as well. Try to find another program that suits you better. What career do you plan to pursue? Do you have access to some good guidance to help you find another university?

Best of luck to you and keep us posted because we care about you.

At least you’re not an active Mormon. Then you’d have real problems.

I am an introvert who needs a lot of alone time in order to function. No one has the right to insist you do otherwise. I hope you can find a way to assert yourself so that you don’t miss out on the things you are also entitled to, as much as anyone else. I’ve also been judged and misunderstood for the way I am. I went back to university at the age of 38 and was surrounded by outgoing girls in their twenties, I didn’t fit in and coping with being surrounded by people all day was worse than usual! I had to go for a walk at lunchtime, and never went to group study. I wasn’t well liked, just like when I was at school. This was very triggering because I was bullied and ostracised at school. All because I’m introverted?!
I think the best defence to any overt criticism is to state who you are and that you shouldn’t be treated in this way. These days people will often back down and leave you be if you hint at discrimination.

I had an academic scholarship at a university, and there was a lot of pressure for me to keep my grade point as high as possible.

I figured out, early on, that if a class had a group project, that weighted heavily towards the final grade, that it was putting me at the mercy of the group, and I feel that wasn't fair to me, in my situation.

I found out which teachers and which classes assigned group projects, and I just didn't sign up for those classes in the first place. I enjoyed working with others, and got along well--but never at the expense of my grade-point average! If we were paired up, like with a chemistry lab partner, I would just do all the work for both of us, and my partner would get a free A. I suppose it's valuable to learn how to work with others, in preparation for the real world, and salaries depend on how well your group/partnership does. Perhaps universities could offer some specialty seminars, for example, in the business schools and law schools, on how to work with others--but not have the students be graded on this in a science class.

I took a night school class, to avoid having to have a group project. Night classes and adult education classes usually don't assign group projects, because many of those students work full time, or are parents, or sometimes live far away from the campus, and it is more difficult for them to get together.

Spot on! You do your intel in college and find where all the traps are and avoid them. You did a good job of explaining how the game is played.

Many universities encourage groupwork as it means less marking is to be done.

However, you are going to have to deal with people in adult life whether you want to or not. Avoidance will not solve this. You have to develop techniques to deal with it.

Hello everybody! Thank you for your support and feedback.

Feels a bit better today but I am a bit ashamed of my decision. I am not a fight- but a flight-guy. If I end up in a locked situation I just head for the exit without a rational thought. I am not scorching the earth for anybody else but only for myself. I suspect that the school tried to pair me together with another autist-guy in class but I felt a bit unease with our difference of opinion and our habit of selective listening.

I could not give it time because I did not have a solid time reference. The days look mostly the same because of deacades of life routine on many levels. So one day can be like a month and a month like a day. I was at unease after about four days of cooperation, it was like I was in bondage and just had to be free and get out.

Most of it is based on a form of paranoia. I am a gullible person, been used many times. An endless yes-man afraid of making someone else unhappy. I am glad that I am a man because i am mostly used för pseudo-slavery. Gullibe females tends to be exploited for sex.

I can tell you, there are people out there who act with precision if they spot that your are gullible. They are predators.

One life skill that you will need to learn is to power through days that are dreadful. It happens on every job. There will be days where you just want to run out of the door screaming. But it is in your best long term interest to stay, so you do.

I had one year teaching where my class was just awful. They would throw books, papers, and pencils out of a second story window. They would destroy my room. One child poured a can of soda into my file cabinet (teachers take years to compile files of lessons and activities.) They would fight with each other.

I learned to mentally shake it off each day as I walked out of the door. As I exited the building, I would have this mental image of the day sliding off of my shoulders and being left behind in the building. My time was my time. I wasn't going to give a bad situation free rent in my head.

Sometimes you just need to get any given job done and move on.

My brother used to say "Committee work reduces the thinking to the lowest common denominator".

Catnip nailed it. In group projects, someone takes over and everyone else follows. Hopefully the "someone" has good people skills to insure that everyone has a role that fits.

Even in the elementary school where I worked, these group projects were excruciating for serious students who wanted to work alone and get on with it!

In the last university class I took, the tenured teacher was lazy. No other reason for her to divide the class of 40 into 5 groups of 8 to do the final term paper.

If it makes you feel better, I don't have Asperger's or ADD and I would rather have a root canal than be part of a group project.

As others have mentioned, there are always certain types of people in group projects; the self-appointed boss, the Bad Ideas Guy (can overlap with self-appointed boss), the Load, and the Competent (usually the most frustrated member of the group).

Advice: do only your part of the project and don't be afraid to tell other members of the group to "please f*** off" so you can work.

Everyone hates group projects. I was in one that was half the semester grade and half the group were athletes and never around.

Pick an occupation where you don’t have to deal with people so much. If you like computers learn quantum encryption. There’s going to be a huge demand for people who understand cyber security.

the trouble with computers is that those people (CS and Engineers) got to have brains. Most people don't. Encrypters that actually get their 7 year bachelor degree have to take really hard classes. They've got to have patience for troubleshooting. Which I'm thinking that the OP might not have. These really smart people need IQ of at least 110 to function. Now considering that half the population is below 100, I would say shoot for something like what I do, look into factory, industry, or a warehouse. There are lots of people in the 95 region in intelligence. It's nice not to have to rely on your wits at work.

And to be the bigger fish in a small pond is always nice. You don't gotta be Einstein to find happiness!