For the next 8 hours or so, I'll be asleep. It's 10:30 on Sunday night where I am.

But then, it's my last day of vaycay, so there are a few things I want to get done:

1) Find a McDonalds. I haven't seen one here yet, and I always like to try them in foreign countries.

2) Bangkok History Museum

3) There is a bowl I want, so I'm going to go get that.

4) Last massage

5) Pad Thai on a street corner

Jealous!!!

...except for the McDonald's part. Lol

Got up and started coffee. Fixed breakfast. Sat on front porch and ate and enjoyed the coolness and watched some deer. Not sure what the rest of the day will bring. Maybe work on my restoration project. Life is good

Went rowing in the morning on the Anacostia River and then attended 10 AM services at Historic Christ Church in Alexandria, Virginia. Cycling this afternoon.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2015 11:55AM by unabashed.

A wonderful morning with BF and baby :) a nice Brunch and a walk in the park enjoying spring and life.

Having a BBQ tonight with some friends

Chores and about to plant the rest of my flowers since the sun is finally out and it's not pouring freezing rain. BF's b-day is tomorrow, so making a garlic roasted prime rib for dinner and Game of Thrones. Tonight, House of Black and White! Finally!

Just waking from a late night, so:

When Beauty wakes we'll do rock paper scissor to see who tends to the dogs and makes coffee, after hugs and kisses

In the meantime, Spotify and the news

After coffee? We like making it up as we go on the weekends. Appointments are for the week day.

Happy no-church day!

Human

Human,
I spent Sunday witnessing the spirit give my sister yet another blessing :/
This is your wife. My sister got engaged yesterday and for the first time since we left the church 15 years ago my mind is in turmoil about if leaving was the right thing... My whole litre I doubted the church on some level, and now I am doubting my doubt... Sure I have had the briefest moments when questions came to mind, but as you know when I left, I left it all behind, and didn't ever look back. SO I am sure you can understand how F#CKED up I am today as nothing has rocked my mind regarding the church like it has in the last 24 hours.

So in respectfully keeping distance I chose to spend the whole day here today reading your posts from all years back... hoping that in needing, or perhaps wanting, your guidance once again to help set me free of the brainwashing that is attacking my whole sense of being, I would find something...

This one I am replying to, with you and your 'beauty, playing rock paper scissors', almost killed me to read, (rock paper scissors was ours, or so I thought) but it was the first read of the day and for the betterment of my sanity, I chose to ignore it and continue reading on regardless, trying to prove to myself through your words that indeed, we were right to leave...

I am plagued with thoughts and ideas that I believed long gone and healed. What is it you used to call them AWE YES... 'TAPES' messages that swirl around and around again with years of more altered messages attached to them each one triggering yet again a more deeply and more disturbing message from the last...

And so brings me to our marriage and the new 'new age' belief system of the 'soul half' which helped free me of the church in the first place... I'm re-reading 'the bridge across forever'.

Human, (omg LOL I typed your name and then had to correct it) how is it that the first years of my life where a lie in the church, one in which you supposedly saved me from, hence only to have the years with you also be a lie? How is this possible or fair? The last 3 years I have fought with this question, only for it yesterday to be answered with...

"well if only I had stayed in the church"

DAMN HAS THIS THOUGHT BLEWN MY MIND TODAY!!!

Your choice to be where you are the last 3 years instead of with us me and our children has shaken me to the core of my being, taken me to hell and back again, and to places that make hell seem pleasant, but something in me has kept me from ever falling back to the church... From ever saying, or doubting my choice and my decision to remove us all from it, even when you thought it best we "stay just to keep peace" I thought I knew better, I thought I knew we needed to leave, we needed to raise our children free of the cult! I thought I needed peace of mind to finally get a chance to think on my own to become human and not a mindless mormon drone.

But what if I was wrong to have us leave the church? What if the church would have saved us, as it saves so many??? What of love, and community and family... AWE yes FAMILY!!! As a little girl I longed and wanted for nothing more... Alone in mine, as the naughty little girl with thoughts from satan as I questioned the fold... But now I am even further from having family then ever...
Having lost the TBM one cause of your taking me from it and ours, after your having abandoning me and our children.

I just deleted 5 paragraphs, not fair to post publicly. However, I can't help but re-write about the post in which you share about my mother and telling her not to leave the church as to save the finally years of her life in peace. Just days ago, I shared with our son - he can not talk to his cousin about the errors of the church if he can not support her in the fragmenting of her mind and being, as she would dissolve and be cast away from the family, judged and left alone to suffer broken not knowing up from down - he conceded to keep his thoughts to himself as to save her from herself, understanding he didn't have the strength nor the wisdom, power or knowledge to actually save her from the cult. As possibly you do... You are good with words...

Yet didn't you do just this.. what I told him he isn't allowed to do... You pulled me away from my family, church and community, crushing the only belief system I knew. Just as you state you did on here over and over, only taking 3 years to dissolve my mind of it's TBM thinking, only to what? Just be another lie too... To walk away when it got hard... You have post after post... Thousands actually over the years... To help people with leaving the church, to offer support... Yet I, your wife struggle... after all the pain you have created for us all...

It is baffling actually how - still involved you are with the mormon/exmormon thing, when you were a convert only being mormon 2 years, sure you grow up with it beside you too, but you certainly were never a TBM.

Here I am you wife of 23 plus years, struggling with my mind racked with mormon guilt and $hit that should be gone, and you aren't here to support or help ME clear my mind and be safe out of the church... What of all these morals, ethics and belief's you claim to have... Years of posts... YEARS of words... I came on here to find your logic helpful and it has done the opposite causing me further to think I must return!!!

IS EVERYTHING THAT COMES FROM YOU A LIE???

What was it that FIRST made me question the church as a child...
I know you know... the hypocrisy of my father...
And now the hypocrisy of my husband has me question if leaving the church was wrong... thousands of posts to help and support people in their leaving and getting free... Only to be trapped yourself behind a computer screen away from us, your only family, claiming to have wisdom which you don't live by yourself! Your wife and children suffer as you live a cushy, rich life with a mistress... professing the "gospel of HUMAN according to you"

How is this possible, maybe the church isn't perfect, but maybe...

Maybe I should just stop writing, cause I doubt you care enough about any of this, least of all about me, even thou on here you have never stopped called me wife... I guess we are still married thou aren't we... All you will care about is that I wrote on a public forum, not what caused me to do so... So, please do as you will and call me crazy... call me sick and twisted as you did for years...
Just don't call you late for dinner with your mistress, or an "honest human"...

What will I do this coming sunday... sit alone (as always) in church for the first time in my adult life wondering if the teaching of my childhood, might actually have been right???

Came2mysenses, you still have no clue how distorted your reality is..stick around and pay attention to the facts blatantly mentioned on this board..just for your own personal gain, that's enough to keep your attention for sure.

Emmabiteback,

I have NO doubt my reality is distorted... LOL... I come from generations of TBM, to marry a convert that strips me of my faith, convincing me it's all a lie, only to find out in his abandonment of me and our children, everything he taught me too was also a lie... so the first 20 years of my life is a lie in the church and the next 20 with him a lie... so where is the truth??? Maybe HUMAN needed me to not be mormon for his own reasons... He is amazing with words... have you read his thousand plus posts... ACTUALLY, not an exaggeration, he has well over a thousand posts over the years confessing all this 'stuff' but he isn't living it... I followed him out... I trusted him... I believed the words of whom, I trusted and thought was a loving husband and father... to be leading me from what he taught me was false... For him to just abandon and leave us and go against all he proclaims as truth... SO of course I am distorted in my thinking... He leaves with another and refuses to divorce me and I live in pain, suffering while he lives a rich and cushy life... And so when I see him happy and not suffering cause he can hide and lie so well and ignore me and his children... AND then I see my TBM family all happy and loving and everyone getting married - 5 marriages coming this summer... and blessings and community etc... Happy... and in 3 years of HUMAN being gone I haven't bothered to come on here... Or to bother his new life with his mistress... I struggle one day, conflicted, come on here to get some answers and sit and read hundreds of his posts where he mentions me over and over and over... and our life and leaving the church and his support of others... and then the life of his mistress as if we are almost one and the same if someone wasn't to know the back story... YA I AM VERY DISTORTED AT THE MOMENT!!!! LOL I AGREE :) LOL

When I married HUMAN he daily took apart my mind, dissecting the teaching of the church... the brainwashing... and taught me to think... to really question... he helped me change my whole world, altered my reality... striped me of who I was and built me to become who I am today... Only for it to be a worse lie than the church ever was...

So the church might not be perfect... and it might not be true... BUT it might be good... and good is better than the evil HUMAN has put onto me and my children over the years... And yes spending today reading for 7 hours straight... I am so horribly distorted right now... I just wish I didn't exist at all... But that isn't a new feeling for me... It's one I'm used to and can take comfort in, that I know can over come on my own without him or anyone else...

Seeing my families happiness at the loss of my own has placed me on a new edge of insanity... But as HUMAN always says...

It can only get better... AND just maybe going back to church finally after all these years with a new perspective I have never had before... maybe that will be for the best... and maybe finally my children will have the families are forever he took away from us...

About to go flying in my little Ultralight. There is an LDS church house with cars all around that I pass over on take off. As I fly overhead I always count my blessings that I am not down there.

As a kid the only reason I wanted to be a god was so I could fly. Already there...

Going to see a movie, and I always feel guilty.

I'm going to be writing a couple of reports, watching PGA golf to see if Rory holds on to his four stroke lead over some mere mortals, and playing on the computer so as to keep my fingers flexible.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2015 12:43PM by elderolddog.

Coffee with friends and listening to the guitarists at my favorite coffee haunt.

RB

Planting flowers, killing weeds.

Listening to New Order and unpacking my new condo in the city.

Ironically, cleaning toilets! :p

Pulling weeds and doing laundry in honor of all the Sundays I

stayed home and sat on my ass to keep the sabbath day holy .

Helping a friend remodel his travel trailer.

Sitting at home nursing my inflamed sinuses and chest filled with pollen induced mucous. The allergies are crying out and all of our crazy rain is not making it any better this year. We are 10" ahead of last year and the pollen is terrible.

Brunch on the patio, nice long car ride, stroll through a flea market, watching hubby and kids jump on trampoline. Another wonderful day in paradise - true paradise.

I just got back from working on my parents other property across town. My mom, brother, sister in law nephew, and I spent a few hours there going through some storage boxes and seeing what can go where. My family is hoping to start getting the property ready to sell in the future. Now I am home and I am going to drink lots of water, eat a good dinner and relax for the rest of the evening.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2015 04:48PM by kativicky.

Just got back from afternoon coffee. Talked hockey, trucks and other weighty matters.

Ron Burr

I'm at my dads house visiting. He went to S meeting. I made us breakfast. Local style. Spam papaya. Etc. He has his bible & BOM on his lap. I have been on IPad & hiding out in guest room. So I'm on RfM. I'm feeling captive. It reminds me of my childhood. Tomorrow is just a day away.

Patriarch's daughter.

Planning a move so I'm browsing apartments online and enjoying a beer. Went for a run earlier. Love having Sundays to myself.

Getting ready to watch Game of Thrones.

Lumberjacking. It's hard labor, and can be dangerous, but I'll take it every time over the mind-deadening 3 hour block. Much less an additional string of other "leadership" meetings.

Slept in, read a magazine till 10:30, then drove north to livengood and the haul road. Passed a stake center on the way up and shuddered. Took pictures of mountains, cabins and moose. Had a spicy bloody Mary and a pound of king crab legs then back to bed to read more of the magazine. It's amazing how big a chunk three hours (or more if you HT) takes out of your day.

I had my morning coffee in a french press, then spent some time with friends. Just watched the series finale of Mad Men.