A little background for those who don't know anything about me. I have bipolar disorder which is under control, but there was a large portion of my life where it wasn't. I struggle with alcohol abuse on and off. I have PTSD from things I witnessed while I was a social worker. A few years ago I attempted suicide which caused multiple organ failure but I survived.

I lost my social work license due to seeking help when I was feeling suicidal and drinking too much.

I sought help in AA and one of the friends I met there was a shift supervisor at a machine shop. He got me a job there and I've been running machines and cutting parts for a year.

That's the history.

Recently I bought some army pants from a surplus store for work. They are comfortable and function great at work with the pockets and such. Another machinist there was the one who recommended them. Anyway, I love them.

So tonight, a dickhead coworker starts to literally raise his voice at me saying that I don't deserve to wear them because I'm not military. (He isn't either and never was).

I respond by saying I respect all soldiers and that I'm not trying to be one, and that many fought and died for our freedoms, including the freedom for me to buy them and wear them.

My supervisor (AA friend) adds "as well as the freedom to chose what jobs we want and that we aren't speaking German."

The dickhead coworker starts laughing hysterically. I ask him "what?" A few times. He finally responds:

"Yeah, freedom for anyone to choose their job but you because you attempted suicide."

Impulsively I jumped up out of my chair and into his face with my arm cocked back for a strong jab. Thankfully my brain yelled "stop" and told me I'd lose my job and go to jail. Another coworker pulled me back and took me outside to smoke and cool down.

The punk was sent home for the night.

I realized after that my supervisor (AA friend) was the only one privy to that personal information that the jerk used against me. So my friend/supervisor betrayed my trust at some point.

I know I shouldn't take it personally what he said to me but not a day goes by that I don't fight the fallout of the past.

I wasted 9 years of college and grad school, and years of paid supervision. I'm in debt from student loans up to my neck and I only get paid half of what I used to.

I'm so upset right now. Even out of the mouth of a jerk, it's the truth. It's affected the lives of my wife and children.

I want to kick that guy's ass so bad but don't want to go to jail.

I don't know why I posted this. There really isn't anything to say. I just needed to vent and I don't have any close friends available currently.

Thanks for listening...



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2015 12:19AM by ragingphoenix.

Www.orange-papers.org

I know you know this. But you are going to have to forgive yourself for having attempted suicide. Yes, your trust was betrayed by your friend, and yes, the jerk's a jerk. But the reason it's a trigger is that they humiliated you by making public a shame you wish to keep hidden. When you overcome the shame, no one can hurt you with what they say.

I remember a story--I'm not going to look it up now, but I may even have read about it here, or Google it--about a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived, though he was broken up. He was saved by a sea lion which kept pushing him to the surface of the water when he sank down because he was unable to swim. Witnesses watched the seal keep the boy afloat until he could be rescued, and then it swam away. The guy took his surviving the jump and his being saved by an animal as evidence that he had a great mission in life, and he was saved so he could perform it. He now works to prevent suicides in others.

I don't know why you've been saved, but perhaps you do. Your unique constellation of suffering and survival can benefit many others, just as your working as a social worker did. Social work needs done even without a license or a formal job. There is need for that training even in a machine shop.

Don't give up. You have value, no matter what others think of you. Don't take their side against yourself. Believe in yourself. Thank you for continuing to live. That by itself is a great inspiration to other people. And thanks for speaking up.

Hey RP! Glad to see you. Not glad that it is because of some dickless wonder that gets his jollies off of someone else being in pain.

I would say that MCR has it right. Those of us with this disease who have survived are needed. We're needed to help others survive.

I would talk to your boss and ask why he gave out that confidential information. Maybe he thought he had a good reason. (He didn't have one, but maybe he thought he did.)

(((HUGS)))

Gotta love those tactless, asshole coworkers. And people think it's only women are the gossipy, catty ones. Yeesh.

If you tell HR what happened without omitting anything, your job is probably in jeopardy. It sounds like he was doing anything to get some kind of rise out of you and who knows for what reason? Some people just like to screw with others for kicks.

What a nasty situation. Sorry you have to deal with this.

My job would be in jeapordy for exactly what happened?

Jumping out of your chair and cocking back your your arm; Even though you didn't lay a hand on him, it looks like a heavy incident. IDK what your employee handbook says, and I can only say from experience:

I watched, stunned, a similar scenario with two other coworkers another lifetime ago. No punches were thrown, but one coworker got up in the other's face, like centimeters, yelling how he was going to kick his ass. The coworker doing the threatening was fired.

Both your coworkers sound like absolute dickless wonders.I really think you were provoked on purpose for whatever sick game they wanted to play.

Let's hope not.

Glad it didn't escalate further as in out of control.

He was out of line. Whether your supervisor friend said something or not, or it could've been grapevine and nothing to do with him at all.

Hopefully things will be on a more even keel tomorrow.

We all have terrible, no good very bad days once in awhile. There's a movie with that as a title, a comedy no less. Sometimes if we just laugh a little more, it helps to counter the somber side of things ....

He intentionally tried to push your buttons, and nearly succeeded. Hopefully he won't complain, but it seems he was provoking you. Keep your AA friend on good terms in case there is an investigation of the incident. He should not have betrayed your confidence.

There must be other avenues of social work you would qualify for. See a university counselor to explore some options. It would be worth a bit more school, or certification if necessary in order to improve your finances long term.

Set some positive goals and reward yourself along the way. Life can't be spent at an endless job you dislike, with jerks as co-workers... What are you interested in? Good luck with making some changes. Remember that you deserve happiness and you matter to others in your life.

Tomorrow will be better. It's Friday! (Hopefully you have Saturday off.)

I am sorry to hear about the betrayal. It goes without saying that when you feel ready, I would have a conversation with your supervisor and let them know that this crossed a boundary. Also, go to another sponsor. Just like in mormonism, in 12 step programs people are not always on the up and up and not always trustworthy.

Then, another thing is to recognize when someone is trying to push your buttons. I was an adult (well into adulthood) when I began to recognize this. I think it was growing up in the family I did. Sometimes people are just trying to get a rise out of you because they are bored, or mean or whatever.

The great advice I got was to not take the bait. Don't allow people to push your buttons. Don't be a pushover, but you don't always have to respond.

I may be reading too much into it, but I know lots of former mormons (and people in general) who struggle with anger. Anger is one of the few feelings (in mormonism) that's okay (particularly righteous anger). Dealing with one's anger can be freeing, processing it.

I highly recommend the book "I don't want to talk about it: the secret legacy of male depression" by Terrence Real. It's about men but I've read it and it was helpful. It talks about these patterns in our society about how men are treated - and how the male depression (often anger, alcohol abuse, depression, etc.) impacts everyone in the family. Again, not sure if it would be useful but I liked it a lot.

take a step back and think why the supervisor would have "betrayed" that trust.
could be a hundred different scenarios..... for example. maybe your co worker was in a position just as bad as you and the supervisor tried to counsel him and just let a little too much info slip out.
maybe your co-worker is trying to push your buttons for the same reason that a closeted gay person can act homophobicaly to people already 'out'. maybe your co-worker has had suicidal thoughts.

or maybe the supervisor just got drunk and let it slip

you work with these people so you need to clear the air (with, at least, one of them)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2015 08:02AM by EssexExMo.

Could you get counselling? There are some volunteer programmes that provide some free help.

As a former social worker who lost their job due to on the job stress is there any help from that quarter?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2015 08:11AM by matt.

That was a really cheap shot that guy took, phoenix. I hope that writing about it brings some release for you and that better days come your way.

I want to throw a possibility out there regarding the betrayal. I have seen this happen many times, and there is a lesson in it for all of us.

Sometimes a person will share something that should have been kept confidential because they are sharing something about a person in one part of their world with someone from an entirely different part of their world.

Later, when the worlds collide, the betrayal has already irrevocably happened.

The worst cases of this happening in my own experience have been co-workers who are parents and overshare embarrassing details about their children. Years later, when their children come to work at the same company, some dumbass thinks it is funny to call the kid out on the embarrassing detail.

I'm not talking about "bath-time picture" type embarrassment. These were things like long-since resolved drug/legal/psych types of problems that were nobody's business, and would not be helpful for the kid to have to re-hash.

Not that I know this is how your betrayal happened, but it is a possibility to consider.

*****

On a separate thought, I just want to offer encouragement to search for your inner-strength to get through this. You have come a long way, and probably have more inside you than you realize.

Even physicians have the ability to regain their medical licenses. Why not a social worker? That really has me confused. Aslo if you disclosed your medical issues (bipolar, alcoholism, depression) to your social work HR office, I doubt they could have fired you for that as long as you were seeking treatment.

The hoops I would have had to jump through to meet the board's requirements would have been equivalent to my salary, and I would have had to do it for 5 years. So I would be working just to keep working without bringing any money home.

I was ordered to attend a super expensive outpatient treatment center in the evenings (it was like 800 dollars per week) for 5 years. I was ordered to see a psychiatrist and therapist biweekly so they could report to the board that I was fit to keep practice. I was ordered to have urine and blood drawn drug/alcohol screens 3-4 times per month. I was ordered to restart my completed supervision weekly. I was ordered to take a battery of tests.

I would have had to pay for all of this, and the gas to drive the 75-90 minutes each direction to the closest places.

the requirements were too much.

Have you thought of consulting a lawyer? It seems to me that the board's requirements are completely unrealistic given a social worker's salary. In effect the board has put a permanent ban on your re-employment as a social worker.

You might want to consider retraining for a different field. If you are smart enough to get a Master's degree, you are smart enough to do a variety of things. Look at the career training at your local community college for a start.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2015 05:51PM by summer.

You have gone a long way and after all the pain you have been through I think one jerk can make only minimal impact on you (compared to things you have been through). What doesn`t kill us make us stroger. You are a survivor and not all people could make out of such situations like you did. Good luck.

Well, we both got written up. Guess that's only fair.

Well, not exactly good, but better then some things.

I didn't finish the story about my coworkers. One is my friend, a longtimer at Atmel, and well-respected, responsible tunnel leader. The other was "that guy" we all want to avoid- The kind that's volatile, ignorant, kinda stupid but thinks he's smart, misogynistic dickless wonder, ironically named Angel. This guy was so dumb, he thought it was impossible to swim 100 meters in under 10 minutes.

I don't remember what led up to the altercation, but I think my friend asked him to fill up one of the etchers and Angel blew up.
I had to go in to HR and give statements about the incident and previous issues, and then Angel was fired, rightfully.

Keep your nose clean and don't even bother with those guys. See if it's possible to not even work with them. Don't be surprised by the rumour-milling and if you get portrayed as the bad guy in all of this. Stay calm, do your job, walk away if one of these assbadgers starts with you. If someone else brings it up, "bean-dip" the conversation and walk the higher ground.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2015 08:28PM by Itzpapalotl.

I am sorry for what happened, RP. Try to remember that your co-worker's opinion has nothing to do with your reality. Glad you felt like sharing here.
Best wishes.

Hi, RP, I've read many of your posts in the past and was always glad that you were around.

I hate it when people do things like your coworker did, especially when it seems to come out of the clear, blue sky. One minute things are okay, the next wham! Blindsided. It's miserable and I truly wish that it hadn't happened for you. And that it won't happen again. I'm glad that you didn't hit the jerk, much as it may have been deserved. Some people love to stir up trouble, and take pleasure in seeing how far they can push someone else. Even if they get slugged, they still feel good that they managed to create such a big deal.

You should feel good that you managed to pull back from the jerk's poking.

The betrayal thing is miserable, too. I hope that you can keep it in your mind that you are a good guy, totally worthy of good things. In all likelihood, the jerks will end up punishing themselves, one way or another. But you, I hope, will end up living well and loving your life.

And keep wearing the pants you love. Buy a pair for every day of the week. Let you heart smile every time you reach into your favorite pocket, hopefully one with a really, really loud zipper.

I don't know you at all, I'm fairly new to the board, but by God, it sounds like you keep getting up from some pretty rough blows and keep fighting.

You've earned every stitch of those pants.

Given your description of your reaction...is it possible that NOT working as a social worker is for the best? In my world you would have been escorted from the facility and potentially charged with a crime. This wound seems very unhealed. But some of the best healers are those who have been wounded.

Raging, welcome to the world of machinists. To move with the really good guys, learn cadcam languages and become a programmer. You make 2-3x the money doing cadcam programs and still have all the fun of being a machinist. Virtual gibbs, mastercam. And you can sometimes work virtual.