In his conference talk from October of 1988, Boyd Packer centered his remarks on the topic of funerals. He stated,

"Many attend funerals who do not come to church regularly. They come subdued in spirit and are teachable. How sad when an opportunity for conversion is lost because a funeral is less than it might have been."

On the roles of family members at funerals, he said,

"There now seems to be the expectation that members of the immediate family must speak at funerals. While that may not be out of order, it should not be regarded as required. Family members ordinarily give the family prayer and dedicate the grave. If family members do speak, and I repeat, it is not a requirement, they are under the same obligation to speak with reverence and to teach the principles of the gospel."

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1988/10/funerals-a-time-for-reverence?lang=eng

Here are Packer's thoughts as relayed in a devotional given at BYU on October 15th, 1996:

"When the family insists that several family members speak in a funeral, we hear about the deceased instead of about the Atonement, the Resurrection, and the comforting promises revealed in the scriptures. Now it's all right to have a family member speak at a funeral, but if they do, their remarks should be in keeping with the spirit of the meeting. I have told my Brethren in that day when my funeral is held, if any of them who speak talk about me, I will raise up and correct them."

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So I say, give Boyd Packer the funeral that he wants and deserves. Let no kind words be said about him by those who know and love him best. Teach, teach, teach. Because goodness knows, Mormons have not heard enough of church doctrine. And really, what is one more apostle anyway, are they not all peas out of the same pod? [/sarcasm.]

I saw this with my grandma's funeral. Of my grandma's children, only my mom remained TBM into adulthood. Of her dozen grandkids, only my sister remains TBM, and she couldn't attend the funeral. My mom spoke, I spoke, my brother spoke, my cousin spoke, my uncle spoke, but only my mom was a TBM, and she barely mentioned the church.

My grandma lived in the same ward for 35 years, but moved into my uncle's basement her last 2 years. The funeral was held in her old ward, but the bishop had moved in since my grandma had left. Four of her previous bishops were in the audience, men I had known since I was a little kid. The Bishop refused to invite them to speak or run the funeral. His talk was about the Plan of Salvation. He never met my grandma, but said he heard nice thing about her.

After the service, we were fuming at how disrespectful the Bishop had been to her. Even my mom complained that he never mentioned my grandma at her own funeral in her home chapel of 35 years.

At the luncheon, which featured ham and 7 varieties of funeral potatoes, the RS gave my mom and her siblings a gift of a framed picture of Jesus. My aunt and uncle were appalled, although my mom liked it. My uncle said he would take the frame and replace the picture with his mother. How thoughtless to assume that everyone wants a framed picture of Jesus to remember their mother by.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/04/2015 10:24AM by axeldc.

To have Boyd's sendoff without a single syllable about him. Just preach that gospel, Dudes, and don't say a word about the Dear Departed.

It would serve the old blighter right.

I hope they follow his funeral rules. He traumatized more people by his stupid funeral rules. IMO they should throw him in a box and hand everyone a pamphlet outlining his funeral rules. End of funeral.

I also hope they follow his funeral rules since those rules have traumatized so many families, and put a lot of others off to the church.

I read a recent comment by Rabbi David Wolpe, (Sinai Temple, Los Angeles) who said that it had been rough going recently, because he has had to preside over a number of funerals.

However, his take on it is this: "To recount the tale of another's life is a rare and precious privilege."

So as he sees it, the funeral is FOR and ABOUT the deceased. This seems so much more compassionate.

Since LDS inc uses Orwell as an instruction manual, I think we will see some Mormons more equal than others.

"Assembled mourners, since we are certain all of you know the plan of salvation, we will dispense with all that and just talk about what a great guy Boyd was. So anyone who wants to say something nice about Bro. Packer, please come up. ...Anyone?

"Hello?... Anyone? Say, is this mic on...?"

My cousin hanged himself in his tool shed. We sang a Mormon hymn over his coffin.

My father's funeral also had an uncle who ranted against the exmo members sitting in front of him. Other than that the funerals for my grandmother and mother and my father were primarily to remember them and send them off to their final destination.

The uncle rant left a bad taste and feeling that bothered me for months, but that uncle is now dead and I don't miss him.

I proudly spoke at my mother's funeral as an exmo, knowing these Packer dictates were out there. Hasta la vista Boyd you cranky old deluded fart

Went with my son to the funeral of a young man who died quickly from an illness. They wouldn't let his friends say anything, share memories, or express their grief. The kid's dad and the local leaders got up and berated the young men present, telling them that they HAD TO GO on church missions. The departed's friends were disgusted and heartbroken.

Another funeral, a GA spoke. Instead of some kind words about the departed, he went on and on complaining about people leaving the church. At a funeral???

I guess that's an insight into what these guys are preoccupied and obsessed with.

Guess this gives some insight as to what is on the minds of GA's these days.... intimidate the believers and shame those who have left.

If this is from the "fastest growing church in the world" wouldn't it be a useless exercise?

The only funeral for a Mormon I've attended was that of a co-worker's teenage daughter who was tragically killed in a car accident. I attended along with several other co-workers and our boss, all of us never-Mos.

My overriding memory of the service, other than the profound sadness at the death of such a young person, was the disgust my co-workers and I felt at the blatant proselytizing by a Mormon leader (the family's bishop?) during what was supposed to be the poor girl's eulogy--there wasn't much said about her other than how much her faith meant to her and how important the church's teachings were to her. I have no doubt that was true, but it would have been nice to learn more about the girl. All of us never-Mos were very put off by the "eulogy." A couple of my colleagues were actually shaking their heads in disgust and muttering things under their breaths like "Seriously? What an ***hole this guy is!"

Incidentally, about a week later, the co-worker whose daughter was killed brought a portrait of her to work and was allowed about 20 minutes by our boss to tell us things about her--that she'd been planning to work as a performer at Disneyland the summer of the year she died, that she loved dancing, animals, etc. I wondered if that was because he felt that we hadn't heard much about her as an individual during the funeral.

If Mormon leaders think non-Mormons are going to be impressed by people using funerals to "spread the gospel," they're sorely mistaken. It had quite the opposite effect.

NeverMo in CA Wrote:
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> If Mormon leaders think non-Mormons are going to be impressed by people using funerals to "spread the gospel," they're sorely mistaken. It had quite the opposite effect.

I think that the Mormon leadership is incredibly clueless when it comes to non-Mormons. They have no idea in the world how they appear to us.

I find it incredibly offensive that a funeral would focus on anything other than the deceased person. Using a funeral as a thinly disguised excuse to proselyte is nothing short of sleazy. What a slap in the face to the decedent and the person's family. This is up there with church leaders asking young teenagers about their sex lives. It is totally out of line. Why do members let these fuckers get away with this type of shit.

I had a long time professor who was a member of the cult. IDK if he was a TBM or not. We never talked about cult stuff. I don't even think we lived in the same region.

When he died of a terminal illness, I refused to go to his funeral because I knew it would be a horrible Morg nightmare. Plus, I didn't want to possibly run into TBM people who knew me or my family.

A few weeks after the funeral, another student gave a detailed account of it to me, not even knowing that I'd been raised in the cult. She talked about how it was a very religious service, & how almost nothing about his life as a professor was mentioned or about how he was a great mentor he was to us all. I sat there not even shocked becsuse I knew that that is what would have happened.

There was a big memorial at school, but I wasn't able to go.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2015 05:49PM by Tristan.

That sounds like a very compassionate thing for your boss to do.
Thanks for sharing.

with a lovely remembrance from MIL's best friend, a nevermo. It was tender, touching, and funny, and was absolutely perfect.

However, things went directly downhill with the other speaker, a longtime neighbor of MIL's who had been a bishop a few times. He bored everybody senseless with a long-winded rant about forever families and the plan of salvation and all that.

Across the aisle, I could see my then teen-aged daughter mouthing, "WTF????" Like, "Who invited THIS clown?" It was my uber-Mo SIL who arranged the whole thing.

I've written up my own eulogy, to prevent this sort of nonsense.

Have been thinking of leaving a Christian Cross or Crucifix on his gravesite. By now he knows that a secret handshake is not required to enter Heaven. Anyone know where is being buried?

Even better, put a pentagram on it. Most people don't even know it's a Christian symbol. They automatically think it's occultic or Satanic.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2015 05:37PM by Tristan.

"I have told my Brethren in that day when my funeral is held, if any of them who speak talk about me, I will raise up and correct them."

He takes see Jesus one step further - be Jesus.

if any of them who speak talk about me, I will raise up and correct them."

World War Z

shodanrob Wrote:
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> if any of them who speak talk about me, I will
> raise up and correct them."
>
> World War Z


Hopefully they tied his shoe laces together. Stops Zombies every time.

That whole concept is repugnant! Everything that old nasty self righteous fucker says about funerals being a proselytizing opportunity make my blood boil. My brother and I made our parent's funerals about them....and I would posit that all their TBM friends in attendance would agree with how they were honored.
Packer and anyone who agrees with him are evil.
I have attended a few Catholic funerals where the deceased is barely acknowledged too. It happened to my best friend at his dad's funeral and the priest was an asshole....it's all about the fucking ceremony...disgusting.

Ron Burr

They should just dump Boyd's corpse in the ocean and be done with it. Don't bother with a service. He couldn't be bothered to be a decent human being so no one should be bothered with being decent to him in his death.

Funerals are overrated. I don't want anyone mourning me. Put me in a cheap coffin, put me in a ground, just have a standing graveside service if you insist, and that's it. I don;'t want to belabor others mourning, nor do I want to belabor my mourning of those around me who I will see die; I'll do that well enough without a funeral.

Funerals should be meant to celebrate someone's life, and in some cultures and religions, that is really what they are, but in some, they seem like somber affairs, overly preoccupied with death and the sadness that accompanies the reality of someones nonexistence.

These are just my thoughts, others grieve in different want and perhaps these somber rituals are cathartic and necessary for those closest to the deceased. I just know what I'd prefer. When I was in the throes of my drug addiction and the reality of me just passing out and not waking up became more likely every day, the thought of people having to mourn me was absolutely overwhelming. Not something I want.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2015 06:57PM by midwestanon.

If you did a head-count to see which of them damaged more lives in the course of their careers, I wonder how it would work out.

BKP deserves the same type of burial that Osama bin Laden received!

Shouldn't they about the deceased and not a plug to non believers to join the morg!??

"If family members do speak...they are under the same obligation to speak with reverence and to teach the principles of the gospel."

How sick can you get?
Making family members be salespeople at a FUNERAL!?
Damn you.

It wasn't that way at my TBM mom's funeral from November 2013!! Here is what I said below. I wonder what Packer would've thought of it!??

MOM’s Funeral Talk
In the year 1979 my mom and dad met at a young single adult dance. They were paired by my cousin. In April 1979 they were married for time and eternity in the Oakland Temple. She had 5 kids from her previous marriage and my father had 2 (me and my older brother ). I’m somewhere towards the middle of the children. After they got married was born. Eventually after getting in foster care they adopted , and . She now had 11 children. We’re a “his, her and ours” kind of family.
During the several last years I’ve been her “right hand man” around the house, going shopping , taking of the animals and other stuff. I know that she appreciated my help even when I was sometimes either too stubborn or tired. But if it was important like one of her friends, family or even her visiting or home teachers coming, I did it. It’s been an honor to been help during all of these years. Now that she’s gone I’ve now got to be my father’s right hand man as life is going to be totally different for the two of us.
Mom was always teaching us kids about the value of work knowing that one day that we would have to enter the working world. I think that one summer she had me sell sodas at one of the constructions sites nearby our house in Pleasant Hill. Eventually I got jobs in fast foods, which lead to other jobs. Then I got my job at Ace in 2003. Of which I worked at for several years.
Mom was always a great animal lover. We had several dogs and cats over the years. In 2001 we got her beloved Jack Russell Terrier Princess and her mate Scruffy before moving to Burley. She then got our family a cat who we named “Tom “or “Tomcat”. Eventually she got two Nubian goats one of which she named “Butterscotch” (since he was tan like Butterscotch) and his brother. We lost his brother a few years afterwards. But then she saw a female Nubian named “Nan”. Nan quickly stole Butterscotch’s heart and hers. One of her last humanitarian efforts was rescuing my new Chihuahua terrier “Poncho” He was a stray running around neighborhood all summer and she took him in and he became my pet. My dad told her before she passed on that Poncho “stole his way into our hearts”. She was always spoiling our pets. Giving the goats grass clippings with our riding lawn mower or branches from our tress. For the dogs, always giving then scraps off the table or rawhide treats.
Lately it seems that Mom was trying to teach me how to cook. She taught me how to cook spaghetti (even though the sauce was from a can) and I’ve kind of have rice figured out somewhat. It’s like that somehow she knew that her time was coming to leave us. We also enjoyed cooking hash browns on Sundays when she was too sick to attend church. I hope that I can learn to cook as time goes on. At least I can cook Stuffer’s Stuffed Peppers and Lasagna Ok in the oven.
I’ve always loved my mom even though we went through some rough patches when I was younger. We eventually got though the rough patches. Over the years I’ve always somehow spoiled Mom. Whether by giving Mom my leftover frosted popcorn from the movies, buying her classic movies when she saw them on TCM or even at the store, many Christmas decorations and knick knacks especially anything with Lighthouses and Penguins. Mom really loved her lighthouses. I think she loved them more than her penguins. I was always sacrificing for her when I could have easily bought stuff for myself instead.
In 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer. During that summer Mom’s support helped me get through it. It was a very rough time for me and the family. Eventually after a summer of chemotherapy, I was cancer free. But without her support and my family’s I’m not sure if I was going to make it. I’ve now been cancer free for about 5 years. After this happened I had to have my right hip replaced. Mom also was a great help and support during this time with hospital visits and getting me to do my therapy exercises at home. Eventually I got back to working again even though I had to dramatically cut the number of hours I could now work.
I’d like to end my farewell talk to my beloved mother with the following quote. It describes my relationship with my mother. It’s from classic “Doctor Who”. Here is the quote.
“During all the years I've been taking care of you, you in return have been taking care of me. One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.”

I love you Mom and I’m gonna miss you very much.

That's how it should be, SII. Loved ones deserve to be remembered by those who knew them best.

Thanks. I'll probably end up using different parts of it when my TBM dad passes on. But that hasn't happened yet.

I have a grown son about your age (I think) and if we have consciousness beyond death, I would feel so proud and pleased if he gave a talk like that about me!

Thank you for sharing that. It was a lovely remembrance of your Mom.

I for one will be distressed beyond belief if the MoTab or anyone else sings "Danny Boy," "Home on the Range," "The Theme from Dr. Zhivago," "Whip It,"or any other non-hymn song that happened to be the boydster's favorite.