Posted by:
grrlpower
(
)
Date: July 19, 2015 10:24PM
Some context: I'm 23 and now live on my own and am financially independent from my parents (my mom kindly pays for my medication, but that's it). I grew up mormon, but I'd been in limbo since I was about 17 or 18. In January, I decided to start drinking (casually and safely with friends) to try and put things in perspective (plus I had always wanted to see what being drunk felt like). In February, I began my research and decided to leave because I could not live a life dedicated to a religion that was not only a fraud that hid its history, but was horribly racist, sexist, and homophobic. I've struggled a lot with what I call deprogramming from the years of indoctrination and emotional manipulation, but lately I've been doing better. I haven't been to church since about the middle of March, because I became anxious just being in the building, let alone listening to the lies. And I know that no one is consistently happy, but I feel that I am much happier outside of mormonism. I know longer have to justify my beliefs with my religion and be weighed down with cognitive dissonance. The world is so much bigger and more exciting outside of mormonism, and I'm happy to have my life and my body belong to me.
Now the situation. I had my little sister (who's 14) over at my place and she was using my phone. My friend texted me "hey let's go to a rave and do ecstasy." He was completely joking and using it as a dumb opening for how into rave music he is right now, but my little sister saw it and became concerned. Instead of talking to me about it, she deleted the text AND went through my other text messages. Because apparently concern means you are allowed to completely invade someone's privacy. I guess she discovered I drink, because she told my parents about the E and the drinking. And my mom confronted me about it the other day. It took me ages to convince her that I don't do drugs, but I didn't know how to handle the "I know you're drinking." I have anxiety, and being attacked like that out of the blue was not something I was ready to deal with, so I didn't really address that part. But I heard lots of "I'm worried about you" and "I don't want you to throw your life away."
Let's be clear. I am not throwing my life away. Yes I do drink now, but I no longer consider it a sin. And I am always always safe and usually with friends (unless it's a glass of wine with dinner... but that's normal??). I've graduated from university and now live on my own. I don't have debt. I do have a brother in rehab, so that combined with their mormon beliefs has led to an overreaction on the side of my sister and parents.
I wasn't prepared to be outed like this. Now, I feel like if my lack of attendance at church comes up, they will think it's because I'm sinning. I already have the feeling that they view me as a sinner. And I hate that I can feel their mark of extreme disapproval on something that I enjoy doing. And I really didn't leave because of alcohol. I left because it's a fraud. I want to be able to live my own life, but I'm not sure how to approach this with my parents if it ever does come up?? I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is. I just don't have many exmormon friends. My one friend has religious parents who don't approve of her lifestyle, and she said that my parents will come around and accept me. But I'm tired of the control of mormonism. Do you know what I mean? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Sorry this was so long. It was quite the stressful experience, realizing that my coming out of mormonism was no longer in control and was tainted by my family viewing me as The Sinner.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2015 01:28AM by grrlpower.