Posted by:
Anonymity123
(
)
Date: August 02, 2015 05:29PM
I'm in my early 30's and I've been patient and cautious when it comes to finding a partner. I've turned down proposals in the past which was heart wrenching, but I knew I was going to hold out for the best fit, nothing less. My brothers are TBM's and quickly married the second/third person they ever seriously dated.
My younger brother's wife's family lives out of state and so her parents chose to pay for a reception in the Midwest for her family, while my parents were responsible for all the costs of the actual wedding held here in Utah. Her siblings and parents flew in to attend the temple wedding and reception here in Utah.
I have finally found the man I have been waiting for so long. Although he has an excellent and highly respected career, he delayed divorce until recently (he chose to live in a mother-in-law type apartment in his own house after they separated and spent 8 years that way. The divorce has left him with almost nothing, and we'll be started out new together and won't be able to buy a home for some time.
Explainations out of the way, I have been attempting to estimate our budget for a wedding. It will be small, immediate family and a couple of close friends. I never expected or felt entitled to have my parents help out with wedding costs. However, I'm struggling with resentment. They spent a good deal of money on my brother's reception and all the associated costs.
After giving my parents the good news (and they were thrilled as they respect and welcome my fiancé), I asked them in a tactful manner if I could expect any assistance for the wedding, explaining it would be very small, private, and definitely non-extravagant. I told them I had no expectations, but needed to figure out the budget in order to begin planning.
They said that since it wasn't a god-sanctioned marriage, they couldn't even be sure I'd go through with it. They also mentioned that they plan to remodel the house very soon, which will cost in the tens of thousands.
As much as I try not to, I feel hurt by the fact they so easily shelled out money for my brother and that it was such an easy decision to know that they won't be helping me in any way. His reception was huge by the way.
It's also completely appalling that they would have any doubts as to whether I'd cancel the wedding. I've known my fiancé for years and years and marriage is a decision I have never EVER taken lightly.
On the other hand, his wedding was set just months after he started dating his now wife.
So, since I didn't pray about it and receive a godly confirmation they think there's a good likelihood it won't happen!? I don't have a history of canceling or backing out of things, especially something important that I've made up my mind about and am in 100%.
Yes, I realize my attitude may come across as entitled. It just hurts to know that they bend over backwards for the TBM wedding, and shirk off mine, including the validity of my commitment.
Any advice out there to help me let go of these negative feelings? I'm hurting no one but myself, but the favoritism between me and my brothers goes way back and this is but one of the many times I have been treated lowly in comparison to my brothers.
I know one family who said they would pay for temple wedding/reception costs only. One daughter had her ring ceremony (post temple dealing) and reception at what many consider the finest dining (or at least highest cost) in the SL Valley. They spent a total of $80,000+ when all was said and done. It was the most beautiful ceremony and reception I had ever attended. The other daughter chose to marry a non member and her parents wouldn't even attend. Her and her husband got married at the courthouse, just the 2 of them. I can't imagine how hurtful that would have been. It breaks my heart.
I should be grateful I have parents who respect my fiancé, and are happy for me. They'll attend the wedding.
But Christ almighty. Every year I watch them give at least $25,000 to LDS Inc! My father should be retired by now!
I feel like it may be healthy to be angry and hurt. Emotions are important and valid. I just know I can't hold on to these feelings.
Advice? Stories? Am I completely a b*t*h for feeling this way? I'd truly like to hear some feedback.
And if we end up doing JOP and having no honeymoon, I'd still feel like the luckiest woman in the world because I found the man I want to grow old with and be with for the rest of my life, and he is so amazing. Waiting and watching everyone else my age get married a decade ago was tough, but I'm telling you--- it paid off!!!!!
Thank you for your time. :-)