So, I just found out that my DW outed me over a year ago. My wife called and had me resend an email she needed from her “Sent” folder. She had sent it to the wrong address. I have never gone into her email before. Anyway, there were only a few items in the folder, but there was one string of messages that had a title that caught my eye as it said “anon666 family issues”. Here is what I found:
From DW:
Bishop,

I was going to send you a long e-mail detailing what's going on in our family right now...but I don't have time right now. Suffice it to say that anon666 is having testimony issues right now...he won't accept help or ask for a Priesthood blessing. Right now, all we can do is love him...and pray for him. So your prayers would be gratefully accepted (at least by me).

From BP:
Thank for letting me know what you guys are going thru and I would love to have any more details you would like to share when you have time. He, and your family, will be in my prayers. Would a visit from me be helpful? -BP

From DW:
I don't have much time...but I really think he'd be suspicious of a visit from you...he hasnt' felt very welcomed in this ward...in fact, he really feels like some members of this ward have tried to get us to leave. We both know that this is where we're supposed to be, though.

He's been reading a lot lately about all the different versions in print about the 1st vision. He found out about a journal the Joseph F. Smith just put in the archives that was in Joseph Smith's handwriting that didn't include the appearance of God the Father and Jesus Christ to Joseph. He's just unsure right now about what is true and what isn't. He wants to know why the Church tried to cover that up and didn't publish it when they found it. He's wondering now if the Book of Mormon is true, if the Priesthood is true, if families are forever. I think there's a lot of anger in his heart...I just hope and pray that he isn't past feeling.

From BP:
I felt something as I shook hands Sunday but haven't been attentive enough. I talked to bro Bigmouth this summer, I think he is/was your hometeacher. He was concerned but was trying to address it. Besides prayers, what can we do?

End for now.
…………………………………………………..

OK, just a note to clarify a few things. I did ask DW for help finding the answers. She wouldn’t even look at the questions. Also, bro Bigmouth is not and never was my home teacher. It is interesting to note that the bishops second counselor became my home teacher about a month after this exchange occurred.

Anyway there is more I don’t think I want to share right now. They hatched a plan to give me a calling (SSP). A calling I took only for the sake of DW to save her from the humiliation of having an apostate husband.

I feel betrayed, but I don’t care. It does kind of bother me a bit that I don’t care.

I hate this EFFIN church.

Wow.
Your wife apparently thinks the church (and your belief in it) is more important than a loving, trusting relationship with you.
That's all too common in mormonism, but still very very sad.

Oh yes she does. I posted a while back about how she said she would have to pray first before she would marry a church leader and still be married to me. It’s total brain washing!

What Hi said.... I'm so sorry.

Your wife just destroyed any and all trust you had in her.

That can't be replaced.

Really? Either that or it is someone seeking help from the eclesiastical authorities in her church?

My G/F and I are very proud of the fact that we have each other's back. She does it naturally, while for me, I had to get over a, "...oh, let's take the other person's feelings into consideration..." attitude.

I hate that one mormon spouse will despair of his/his spouse's evolution. Sure, not every attempt to evolve is for the good, but mormons automatically reject that moving away from mormonism can be an improvement.

If a mormon spouses loses his/her legs, the other will stick with stumpy through thick and thin. Go bald? No problem. Infertile? Piece of cake. Want to stop being a doctor and make 17th century french cabinets? I'm with you baby. Want to follow up on the likelihood that the Book of Abraham is pure fiction? Good-bye!!

I'm sorry that happened. It is a complete betrayal. Bishop buttinski should not have participated in communication behind your back/through your ISP. Is he a trained therapist? A marriage counselor? A doctrine expert?

I think I would set up a mtg with a real therapist (non-LDS). She needs to understand what passive-aggressive behavior is, and that she is being dishonest.

Since you are anonymous here, the ramifications are not the same. Bishop buttinski and crew actually affect your life/marriage.

You may want to analyze how you feel. Do you mean you feel resigned to however she reacts to your non-belief?

"You may want to analyze how you feel. Do you mean you feel resigned to however she reacts to your non-belief?"

I mean I don't care that she contacted the bishop behind my back. I think that part should bother me, but it doesnt.

The BP's comment to my wife, that he felt something when he shook my hand, bothers me the most.

That struck me as disturbing also. He insinuated there was something sinister or potentially evil going on with you, which could have caused your wife not to trust you...

(He probably felt you were on to his phony "power.")

I would save all of that for an attorney if necessary/LDS Inc interfering in your marriage...

Ex-Sis Wrote, in part:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I would save all of that for an attorney if
> necessary/LDS Inc interfering in your marriage...
===================================
Definitely!

This kind of disloyalty really bugs me.

anon666 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The BP's comment to my wife, that he felt
> something when he shook my hand, bothers me the
> most.

Yes, this is wrong in so many ways. First of all, it's complete bull$h|+. He possesses no special powers if discernment. If he really did, then they all would, and then TSCC would be true and would have no problems. But it's all make believe.

So, he makes this completely BS comment designed to impugn you and make himself--and the cult--look good. And it drives a wedge between you and your wife. She can't be completely "loyal" to both. The "family religion" strikes again...

If I was you, the next time you shake hands with the bishop, I'd ask him if he feels anything sinister. Drop enough of his own jargon on him that he'll know you're aware of his communiques (let him assume your wife told you). Hang on to his hand while you're asking him...make him jerk his hand lose. Make him uncomfortable.

Yeah, I love it when Mormons suddenly sense "your glow is gone," or whatever, AFTER they learn you are apostatizing. This discernment is never there when you are faking it though.

They get it from the church - which has so many faces, its not funny.

Can't Trust a Mormon. It built it faith upon the sand. Wishy washy like the tide.

They are so scared. The Church takes their strength... and replaces it with a pack of lies.

If my bf were plotting behind my back and giving details of our relationship to a 3rd party, I would be livid. He could talk to his mom or brother, but to a clergyman about me behind my back is appalling.

If she were having personal problems I could understand it. This is just spying on you for the church's behalf. I would confront your wife, but maybe you are afraid she is more committed to the church than she is to you.

Sorry if this is insensitive but I'd just file for divorce and move on. There are lots of fish in the sea and honest non-lds women willing to give you the love, support, and companionship you deserve.
Good luck.

I agree with this. There is life after divorce.

This is the scariest and saddest thread I have ever read!!!

It proves what a creepy, mysterious hold the church has on people.

Your post has stiffened my resolve to Never Stop Speaking Out Against This Church!!!

So, so sorry Anon666.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2015 01:17AM by GodLedMeOut.

I'm so sorry your wife hurt you. Please don't divorce your wife over this. When my husband left the church I did the same stupid stuff as your wife. I was afraid and very sad, I was brainwashed. I eventually saw the light and left. I even resigned and DH didn't. Confront your wife and tell her how it made you feel to know what was going on.

^ Yes, so many of us were horribly brainwashed at one time. I'd so like to forget that, but it's true.

What if she's not going to change? How long would you give her?

If they don't have kids, should they put that off for awhile?

Could she have HIM on the clock? What if she's smiling at him, but in her heart she's already checked out and she's just getting her ducks in a row and he doesn't have the slightest clue?

What if my husband had divorced me? I would still be a Mormon and miserable. You can't put a timetable on this. Why should the OP allow the Morg to ruin his marriage? If he loves his wife he should fight for her. My thought is for OP to have a a heart to heart with his wife. Ask her questions and open up to her. Tell her the exact reasons you left. The best thing my DH did was to start planning family fun days on Sunday and that got me inactive and the rest is history!

"brother big mouth" lol, that says it all.

If you have young children, there's a lot to consider.

If it's just you and her, it's time for a conversation about loyalty and trust. Who does she love and trust the most? You or the church? It takes a ton of courage to ask that question.

IMO, the bishop has ZERO BUSINESS in your marriage. Why the hell is she talking to him about your private issues? If she wants to do that, you should pay a non mo counselor to help you BOTH through this stuff.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2015 01:34AM by madalice.

It doesn't seem like she said anything bad about you. She is just following her beliefs. She thought she was doing the right thing.

I just think some people on the thread are blowing it out of proportion, that's all.

I agree. It wouldn't be uncommon for people in other faiths to talk to a pastor or clergy person in times of marriage stress and loss of faith.

DW is brainwashed. She is doing what she thinks is right, and she is not doing it with ill intent.

If I'm honest, I think the OP is doing an equal disservice to the marriage by accepting a calling even though he knows the church is bogus. He is not being honest and true to himself, he is not treating himself with respect. Why should his wife?

I figured this out using my virtual handshake. I could tell all of that from virtually nothing.

If they are young, sometimes young couples haven't learned how to keep things between themselves. As you get older as a couple, it gets easier. You don't always feel like you have to talk about your problems.

No marriage would last if you didn't allow for a mistake or two along the way.

To clarify some things, we have been married for 12 years and have 2 kids (7 and 6). I love my wife very much. She just has a little brain washing issue we need to sort out. I want her and the kids out. I know she puts the church ahead of family and me, her husband. But she is also very smart. If she could just get over the fear of looking at the truth, she would have a major WTF moment after about 30 minutes. I hope so anyway.

As for me taking the calling, the way I see it is that quitting cold turkey would have done more to push her in. I go to work, I don’t necessarily like it. My true self would rather be fishing. Sometimes we do things we don’t like to achieve a higher goal. DW knew I had issues before accepting the calling. I took it for her. Seeing that it was a scam from the beginning, I’m done with it.

You guys that mentioned moving on without DW, I hope it never comes to that.

Thanks everyone for the support. It sure helps.

None of us know your situation exactly. Do what feels right to you. Other people's opinions and experiences can be helpful to give us ideas about a way forward but ultimately take what is helpful and modify it to your situation. Good luck.

"I think there's a lot of anger in his heart...I just hope and pray that he isn't past feeling."

I don't want to add fuel to the fire, but I know exactly how I'd feel if I had read that about myself.

Not caring could be a defense mechanism to avoid deeper issues. If you are really not festering over this, and are just looking at the bigger picture and how things will pan out in the long run then, great.

I disagree with the previous posters who think it was a betrayal and who suggest breaking off your relationship.

Please see it from her point of view. I suspect that she was truly trying to help you by confiding in the bishop, and that her motive was her love for you. That is precious.

Would you be angry with her if you were having weird health symptoms but didn't want to see a doctor yet, and she called in a doctor?

It was hard and it took me a while, but finally told my wife she could talk to anyone she wanted to and seek support and that she didn't have to come back and report to me what she talked about. So what if she got emotional and said something about me that she would rather that I didn't hear? So what if she was plotting to bring me back? I can probably handle a visitor or two. And if they talk to her about the darkness of apostasy she is a grown woman and can make up her own mind.

The OP was upset bishop whoseewhatsits shook his hand and reported back to his wife feeling something (negative connotation). His wife believes this spiritual giant actually receives personal revelation for his flock (her).

Do you want untrained clergy meddling in your marriage? Has he met with her in person? Some of these bishops are kind and concerned; with others it's a roll of the dice about what they could potentially advise.

It is different than talking to a girlfriend. A therapist could help sort it out and provide assignments to improve communication and loyalty/teamwork. Good luck, dude. We feel your frustration.

I didn't mean to criticize OP or say he shouldn't feel hurt. I'm just saying that if you give her permission to talk, it's not a betrayal any more.

+1

You sound like you are in a similar situation as myself not to long ago. As you grow more and more distant from the church, your wife will try harder to bring you back. I eventually came clean to my wife and told her thr I could no longer pretend for my sake or hers. It want fair to either of us.

You sound like you are exactly where I was only about a year ago. I wish you the best.