Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: August 16, 2015 03:09PM
Yes, control issues are definitely at play, here. She's using the cult to control you.
I agree that you shouldn't give her a hard time about going to church. In my experience, arguing and debating with brainwashed Mormons is futile. Yes, she is probably still suffering from childhood brainwashing, which is very hard to undo, sometimes--even in the presence of facts and logic.
So, don't work with logic, but do as the cult does, and work on her emotions.
I don't know what your specific marital problems are (aside from the obvious control issue), but do your best to solve those! Counseling would definitely help, but Mormons are sneaky, and they discourage counseling by anyone, except by a bishop. Mormon counseling will do more harm than good, so do not go that route!
This is what my husband did, to lure me away from the cult:
1. He was open and honest with me. He told me what facts he had discovered, and said that Mormonism was a hoax cult, and that JS was a con-man, and that LDS, Inc. was nothing but a business set up to con people out of their money and time. Use your own words, and make it very brief, and then shut up! It took me a year to stop being angry, and for the Truth to settle into my mind.
2. My husband reassured me that he would not give me a hard time about going to church and taking the kids with me. He kept his promise.
3. The other end of this bargain was that I was not to give him a hard time about not going to church. He said that he was not going to let the Mormons take another dime from them, and that he was not going to go to any meetings. He didn't go to see me play the piano and organ, or to see the children perform, or to hear any of their talks, or to join in on the Christmas party or any other parties. Because my husband was never there, I was excluded from all the couples activities, and felt very awkward. I was marginalized, and Mormon men would hit on me, thinking maybe I wasn't very married, or maybe I was lonely. Your wife will be treated very differently, if you do not support her. The Mormons will chase her away, without you doing anything at all. It's important not to give in, and socialize, or try to smooth out her life. She needs to face the creeps and stalkers all by herself!
4. The upside is the most important of all. Make her life better! Bring more fun into your life! Try new activities. Go on weekend trips (away on Sunday), whenever you can afford it. Offer her LOVE, which she will never find in the Mormon cult. Do the same for your kids. Sign them up for sports teams, music lessons--whatever they like to do. Take them to the movies, on a hike, skiing, to the zoo--whatever. Go on Sundays, but only after church. They will be very eager for church to be over, so they can get on with the fun your family will be having. My husband would take us all out for breakfast (it can be McDonald's, or just to get a donut) before church, and then to the park for a picnic or barbecue in the back yard, which he would have ready for us, as soon as we got home. The kids complained loudly, and wanted to leave church early. My husband didn't help me get the kids ready (he was neutral), and we were often late for church. Mormons glare at you if you arrive late or leave early.
Concentrate on making your wife and children happy--have fun with this!--and let the gloomy old Mormons dig their own grave.
I don't understand how the Mormons get away with being so negative. No one would go to those meetings by choice. Mormons use fear and threats. Obviously, they have threatened that your wife will lose her children, and you, in the hereafter, forever, unless she and you both go to the temple. That's very scary! If she can't force you to the temple, she must find a worthy priesthood holder to marry her and take her and be sealed to your children. It's a screwy cult.
Fight her fears with LOVE. "Perfect love casteth out fear."
You can do this. Be patient. It might take a few months to two years.