When the SP came over to ask my permission to call DW to a position, and I was, like, "Uh, you know she's in her 60's, right? Can't you just ask her?" When he left, he wanted a prayer, but then asked her because I, you know, didn't hold the priesthood and all that. Mormons have such weird, awkward habits. He wasn't a total dick or anything, but still managed to make me angry.

i was in walmart and a member of the stake president was coming down the aisle right in my path. i told him to turn around and go bact the other way or i would flatten him out.

he did

I had a serious crush on a very cute bishop's daughter as a teen. An unrequited one. She was, after all, the bishop's daughter, holy and untouchable. Just before I left for my mission, I finally mustered the courage to take her on a date. It was quite nice. She got more than a little friendly, physically. She let me know she would miss me while I was gone, and would be there when I got back. She wrote me during my mission, not every week or anything, but once every couple of months, always sending photos, and saying how much she was looking forward to me coming home.

I got home. She was gone to BYU. I left the church within 3 months, and didn't see her again.

About 5 years ago, a mormon acquaintance in my hometown mentioned her brother's name casually -- I told him I'd grown up with that family. He said he knew him from the local ward, and he was living in town. I didn't ask him to, but he gave the brother my phone #.

He called me a few days later, and asked if I wanted to stop by and "catch up." What the heck, I figured. So I went by. He'd had some mental illness problems, so I was actually glad to see he was married, had a job, and was apparently doing OK. Then he says he has a surprise for me...

Calls his sister out of the back room of the tiny house. Instead of the hot teen I remembered, out came a grossly overweight woman who looked far older than her 48 years. She was living with him, with 2 of her 6 kids. The faithful priesthood holder RM husband she'd caught at BYU turned out to be abusive and lazy; he'd left them numerous times, then would return, get her pregnant, beat her up some, and leave again. The church (and her now area 70 dad) kept counseling her to stay with him, be a good wife, and help him return to his covenants. She finally left him for good (supposedly), and went to live with her barely able to function brother -- because her mom and dad wouldn't take her in, as she was destroying a temple marriage.

I made some small talk. Then I got out of there as fast as possible. Before I left, they tried to get me to come back to church, which as they said was "the only thing holding our lives together." I paused for a moment, then as I walked out the door, said, "No way in hell."

Haven't seen them since. :)

And it was the church holding their lives together!?!?

When I was "that woman" probably grossly overweight after my temple marriage and being left by my husband, I chose to walk away from the religion that had fucked up my life. I knew the church wasn't holding my life together. Thank god the old boyfriend from my 20s didn't find me grossly overweight and I've lost quite a bit now, but not all of it.

I can't think of my funniest. I've had quite a few, but the one I remember is when the stupid HT couple kept coming the last day of the month (I had been inactive for quite a while) and one month I chose not to be here. For a while, the husband would try to wave at me if they'd see me and his wife would swat his arm down (she definitely wore the pants in the family). What I do love is running into the girls from the singles ward who thought they could do a better job of saving my husband and I'm with my boyfriend. The looks on people's faces around here is priceless.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2015 07:29PM by cl2.

She had completely lost any sense of self-worth or value, the church and her family and her abusive priesthood holder husband ripped it all out of her. I felt so sorry for her, yet so disgusted that she thought the only thing holding her life together was the very thing that brought her such a crappy life.

And I'm glad YOU got out of that trap! Especially given the challenges of YOUR TBM husband :)

This was one screwed-up family. I've written here before about spending the night on a Saturday night with them; the bishop dad would be gone early, mom had to get 8 wild kids ready for church, and was clearly out of her mind -- she'd scream and cuss and yell, then turn on her "perfect bishop's wife" face as soon as they pulled into the church parking lot.

They were mormon health-food nuts as well, with their huge storage of wheat, making all their own bread, and denying their kids ANY "junk" at all. The son, on scout camping trips, would get up in the night and steal the candy out of the backpacks of the rest of us (which we'd bring to play poker with), and gorge himself to being sick, and the rest of us would have to carry his gear. He got sent to pick pineapples in Hawaii right after high school, as a punishment, and I'm pretty sure he was abused there in that wonderful church program. It's no wonder he had a mental breakdown.

One of their other daughters (3rd kid) started cutting herself in high school and was anorexic -- they got her no treatment, counting on priesthood blessings to heal her. She also wound up in an institution.

So, so screwed up, and so so mormon :(

And they can't see what the cause of all their problems is.

I have seen a ton of those behaviors too. I guy I dated when I was 20 was sent to pick pineapples for swearing and back talking. The guy said he learned much worse behavior on the plantation than if his parents would have let him be. I also believe Mormonism causes mental issues and makes existing mental problems worse.

Back in 2006, one of my dear friends was killed in a roll-over accident back in Provo. I'm not exactly the best at dealing with death in a healthy manner and ate a bag of psychotropic fungus right before the grave service. When the psychotropic started to kick in, I realized my seminary teacher and his wife were there, all the way from Colorado Springs. My mom had mentioned the Robbins were going to Utah for a funeral, but it thought it was just a coincidence, people die everyday, right?

There I am, trying to act straight, talking to him when he decided to call my mom while I'm in a constant state of perception and have me talk to her as well.

I don't think he noticed nor my mom, but it was a surreal experience overall. It was something like out of a Hunter S. Thompson novel.

Just say no when you're grieving, peeps.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2015 07:39PM by Itzpapalotl.

your post has me in damn near hysterics!

thank you.

I needed a good belly laugh.

And I'm in the middle of a good say yes, so that helps too

Who told us about the deep doctrine of the "cosmic soup" and was obsessed with the Dead Sea Scrolls. He was a nice guy, but when you're "trippin" those concepts are taken on a whole other level.

When my brother announced his engagement to be married in the temple several years ago it became necessary to tell my family about my faith crisis and that I wouldn't be attending the ceremony. I wrote a detailed several page letter to my parents so they could understand. In it I referenced books and articles to support my position.

Long story short. My parents passed my letter on to my sister who knew an alleged expert on all things mormon. She contacted me and told me that this expert suggested a list of articles and books to read. When she finished giving me the list I told her that he didn't even read my letter. She asked me why I would say that. I told her that the books and articles he told me to read were the same books and articles I referenced in the letter. She said, "Oh." That was the last time she has talked about my disaffection from the LDS Church.

Very innocuous... My two kids with my third wife were the same ages as two of the bishop's seven kids, so we saw the bishop and his RM wife a lot when our matching kids were in elementary, and middle school. The bishop knew I liked to golf and we went a couple of times to the local country club, with a member of the club. Then he invited me to tag along with two missionary elders on their P day outing at this executive course.

The elders made polite conversation and learned that I'd been on a mission and was now an atheist. They made a half-hearted stab at 'understanding' me but gave it up after I made a long putt for a birdie and yelled out, "There is a ghawd!!" They're looking at me like I farted in church, so I followed it up with, "Nah, just kidding..."

" "There is a ghawd!!" They're looking at me like I farted in church, so I followed it up with, "Nah, just kidding...""


Coming from a hacker/duffer/ "golfer".....That's funny

You are a polygamist with three nagging wives? No wonder you like to go golfing.

Within a few months of our leaving the church, half the ward ended up in the front yard across the street from our house. The YM president lived there and men and boys were gathering for a campout.

I was in my front yard the whole time repairing sprinkler heads and not one of them dared cross the street or even look over, even though it was very apparent they saw me.

I was on good terms with the YM president, so it wasn't him...just the rest of them. I think having to see me every day normalized the situation for my neighbor.

I think there's awkwardness on both sides most of the time...like a breakup of sorts.

A set of Elders showed up on my doorstep and asked if I wanted my name removed from the church membership. I told them "No, I was excommunicated 30 years ago."

One of them exclaimed "are you sure?!?!"

A-bahahahahaha!

Fool asses.

Several years ago I was invited to a social gathering at friends house. I was aware it would be mostly Mormons attending. However I was friends of the couple throwing the party. After some group introductions one lady kept asking what I done for a living, being single etc. After about an hour later she said,, "you know if we got married, I could stay home and not work". I was to shocked to answer. Never seen her again.

I went to my brother's funeral. I was from out of town, so while all the local folks were expressing their condolences after the service, I wandered around the church, ending up in the RS room where lunch had been set up. It was just me, three or four RS ladies and several kids. One of the ladies said to me, "These kids are snatching at the food. I guess we should bless it. Would you do it?" I guess I looked enough like a proper priesthood holder. Or they didn't figure they could say a blessing themselves. So atheist me muttered a prayer that was mostly thanks to the RS ladies for doing the food, and thanks for the food in general. Nothing about nourishing and strengthening our bodies, which seemed to throw off the RS ladies. Besides, my prayer didn't have the rhythm and syntax they were used to. Did it count? Hey, my prayer works as good as any other.

thusly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIYxAsZIIP0

That was funny! What was up with the guy in the background?

Having a Chinese buffet with my Autistic grandson. A TBM comes up and makes awkward small talk. As he leaves my grandson asks loudly, "Why is he so weird? Is it because he's a Christian?"

Children are so honest!

I went to a wedding at a chapel [this is the UK where those damned temple weddings are illegal] and got talking to the bishop of a ward I had once attended.

I didn't want to get too heavy, as it was a mormon wedding and all, so I just said I no longer believed.
He asked if I had every had a testimony and did I remember how it felt to feel the wholly ghost.
I replied that I had an emotional experience,but that it was something I had felt much stronger since, like when I watched 'The Railway Children' film, on TV
He went on to give me a lecture on how 'The Railway Children' was an inspired film, and how it exemplified Mormon virtues of Home and Patriarchy, blah-de-blah.
I walked away at the very first opportunity and avoided him the rest of the day.

Luckily there were few people there from my time in the cult.

No racism intended, but I did notice that the ward had a lot of black (african) members ---- in a ward, in an area, where they would still tend to be a minority

When I was doing a lot of horse shoeing I was at friend/client's house. I had done some horses and we had gone inside to visit. She had a plumber there doing some work (who happened to be big in the church)and he needed to ask her something,so she introduced us. He blurted out "I know all about you." Oookay--
I must have gotten a funny look on my face because then he said he knows my brother from church. It was really uncomfortable.