Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: August 26, 2015 04:05AM
My very TBM aunt and uncle had their daughter's family live at their house, while they went on a mission, and for years afterwards. When it came time for the daughter's TBM family to buy their own house, they would only look at houses in the same ward. The grandchildren said that if they moved out of the ward, they would lose all their friends!
I said, "Really?" Yes, they said it was common knowledge, that it would happen. Even if they stayed in the same general area and continued at the same schools, the ward friendships would be broken. It was just the way things were. I looked at my TBM brother and said, "What's wrong with this picture...."
Thanks for this thread. I thought it was just me, because I was divorced and single, and couldn't join in the couples-dominated social activities. Also, I was a working mother, so I wasn't available during the day to carpool or babysit. I grew up with the idea that in order to be a friend, you had to be USEFUL. I played the piano and organ. I also had a teaching degree. My family always came first--and it made me unpopular every time I said "No," even though I always had three callings. My family and career came before friends and church, and I felt guilty, because church and fellowshipping were supposed to come first.
Down the road, I have my family, and my children turned out great. I thought it was very strange that I had no real Mormon friends, and I thought it was because they didn't like being a low-priority. I would always show up for emergencies, whenever anyone needed me, though. No one ever invited me into their home, unless it was for a church meeting. No one ever invited me to lunch, or called me just to talk, or did things together on the weekends, like my work friends do.
My only Mormons friends were in the singles group. But as soon as those got married, they disappeared. I don't blame them--they wanted to get out of being single ASAP, and never look back!
My Mormon temporary acquaintances were competitive. If I won, that made them a loser. They were jealous and want wanted what I had--even when they had more. The housewives felt that being single and having a career was "glamorous." Working my head off, always taking classes and learning new things, and trouble-shooting, and raising my children was exhausting, and maintaining a house and yard was exhausting! I was actually very happy, though, and my Mormon friends didn't like that. Time was limited, and I didn't want to spend it with negative, critical, superstitious, fear-driven Mormons. They offered no empathy, no support, no joy, and certainly no love--even when I used to give them all of that. It was never returned.
We met each other half-way, in cutting off Mormon friendships, and we all benefitted.