Hey guys, long time lurker, not very often poster but just needed to get this off my chest.

Ok so iv just recently became a father for the second time in early September, bubs and mum are doing great and life in general is awesome. However ive noticed my parents growing hostility toward their 'vile apostate first born' they refuse to call a son.

My 'coolaid drinking' cult parents who live interstate arrived this Monday to visit their new granddaughter... or so I thought, hearing no word from them after their arrival i decided to call and as it turns out my TBM family members and their old friends from church get priority visit and they will not be gracing us with their white and delightsom presence until the end of the week before they leave for home.

My wife and I are upset by this as their attitude seems to belittle the birth of their own grandchild, families are forever indeed (unless your an apostate in which case we merely tolerate your existence).

Am I overracting or being overly critical of them? Is this type of thing normal? Anyone else have any stories theyd like to share with me to help me understand that its not me its just their moronic backward polygamist insane religion? Thanks in advance

I don't think that you are overreacting, and your upset is very understandable. Your parent's behavior would not be considered normal in the non-Mormon universe. It's their loss.

+1

Thanks



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2015 05:32PM by se7enthdagger.

Families can be together forever, except for you.

Let's face it, you're not going to make it to exclusive Mormon heaven so they have decided to just start excluding you now.

Sorry your parents have terrible priorities. Congratulations on the new baby.

I don't think you're overreacting.

Outside mormonism, this would be considered VERY weird (I'm a nevermo).

However, I'd say it's their loss, not yours. They are depriving themselves of (or deflating) a major life experience. More fool them!

Tom in Paris

I'm sorry to disagree but outside Mormonism some, but not so many as inside Mormonism, parents act this way towards children who don't follow the patriarch. Had a grandfather like that. My Dad's side of the family will have nothing to do with any of us just because my mother refused to excuse my granddad's horrible abuse when he drank. He never spoke to us again after my dad stood behind my mom and told him to stop coming to our house drunk. Some people just cannot accept it when their authority is questioned and it doesn't always have to be religious authority. It takes a very special kind of stupid/stubborn to treat your children as outcasts for simply speaking their mind, especially when they are right.

Kind of an underhanded face slap. (I know some may think this rude to do but - tit for tat.)

If they are so discourteous as to come to your town and not see you first, I would say they are trying to do the carrot on the stick thing. (game playing). Rude! Is there anyway you, your wife and children could find something (out of town) to do this weekend and not be home. Let them suffer the consequences of their inconsiderate behavior. (Oops Mom and Dad - Maybe another time.)

BTW, did you invite them or did they invite themselves and just let you know they would be coming. Either way, their behavior is deplorable and I would not allow myself (or my family) to be treated in this way.

Time to set the boundaries of how much BS you will tolerate. No visit is better than allowing them to kick dirt in your face. The fact you had to "figure out" what their visit plans (intentions) were is over the top inconsiderate. Don't let them get away with it.

find something else to do and they can see their new granddaughter at another time.

I wasn't even apostate when I had twins. The ONLY twins on my ex's side of the family was far back as they researched. We took the twins to their house to see them a month after their birth. They held them for a few moments and went in their bedroom and laid them on the bed and went about what they had been doing prior.

As time went on, I learned that my children didn't matter to them and I decided I would never depend on their showing my children respect. I pretty much cut them out of our lives especially after my ex left us.

Look at it this way--THEIR LOSS. Take your beautiful new daughter and do something fun as a family and they can see their granddaughter later--when you have time. They have already started to treat her with disrespect and she isn't even a month old.

You are not over reacting, they are!
This is not 15th century Spain when you could be burned at the stake or tortured to death for changing religions.

This will sound hard and harsh!! IF THEY CANNOT ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE THEN S C R E W THEM.

Another vote for the "completely NOT over-reacting" world view.

Congratulations on your daughter! Are you overreacting? Heck no! Your parents are being very inconsiderate. I agree with the others to set boundaries. Punishing your wife and kids because you won't conform is deplorable! You deserve to be treated with dignity, love and respect and until you get that, they need to be kept at a distance.

I spent way too much of my adult life stressing over how my parents treated me. I finally realized that they are flawed people. I owe them gratitude for raising me, but I don't owe them my adult life.

Be as gracious as possible and don't let them get to you. They might have an agenda, or they might just be clods. Either way, why twist yourself around trying to figure them out?

Enjoy your new daughter. They can have the relationship with their grandchild that they build for themselves.

Thanks axeldc, all part of the recovery experience I suppose. Im still in a frame of mind of "maybe if I just sat them down and explained my views and (hopefully) get them thinking it might change things" but I suppose thats just wishful thinking at this point and might do more harm than good.

There is loyalty and then there fealty.

Loyalty is what you give to someone. If they respond in kind, 'fealty' has been established. This concept arose in days of yore, between knights and their duke, and then between the duke and the king.

The parties would exchange oaths of fealty, and either side could be guilty of breaking the oath of fealty.

Your parents seem to have welshed big time in this regard; they are no longer loyal and supportive of you.

and the rest of the family lives a town or two away, then they probably stayed there for church, knowing that you don't go.

Then they probably stayed overnight, just out of convenience and decided to visit you for the finale of their journey. The best part.

You could think of it that way.

Why not try to put a positive spin on it. It just might be true.

It's disappointing to feel your parents don't put you and your family as more of a priority than they obviously do. On the other hand, thank goodness you won't have to put up with their unloving attitudes for an entire week. I'm sure a day or two will seem long enough!

The difference between my wife's non-LDS parents and my LDS parents is like night & day. My daughter was so upset that she didn't even invite my parents to her wedding.

This is what ive found, my inlaws are fantastic and literally the least judgmental people ive ever met and they do all they can to help, even if its not necessary. They want to be there for us and the kids and I love that.

Just rubs me the wrong way when my own parents, people who subscribe to a religion with a heavy emphasis on 'family', cant see how hypocritical they truly are, thanks.

You are not over reacting.

As I see it your parents are just being practical. "Why throw good money after bad?" as the saying goes. Their investment in you didn't pay off, so why waste anymore time. They will "do their duty" and do a quick drive by on the way out so no one can say they aren't doing their part magnanimously.

I may be too harsh, but that is the way I see it. I hope I am wrong and you have a great visit, but . . .

Not everyone waits until the afterlife to stick you into the Terrestrial Kingdom.

And this is exactly how it feels, your analogy about children being an investment to mormon parents is right on the money. Thanks

As I've pointed out here before. The Church doesn't care about
families. The Church only uses families for building up the
Church. Your family does not build up the Church, therefore
your family doesn't matter.

You are not over reacting. Since their CULT friends are more important than you and the grandchildren are, you should take your entire family out of town on the day they are supposed to arrive. Even if you have to just go to the next town and spend the night, you should. But if you can afford it, take a mini vacation and enjoy yourselves. Don't answer your cell phone either.

You should tell the TBM parents that you had planned on them earlier in the week and didn't know that their friends would come first and "SO SORRY" but you made other plans for later in the week. TBMs sure think they are important. I say F*CK THEM.

The EVIL CULT is acting like the EVIL CULT again.

BTW, If your spouse has living parents (that don't act like this), spend more time with them. They probably would like to see their grandchildren.

You have my sympathy. This must be awful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2015 04:12PM by verilyverily.

Oh we do, my inlaws are great and we see them 3-4 times a week, family is so strong for them that we have 3 (now 4 generations) living only 2 minutes drive from eachother.

It certainly follows a pattern seen here all too often, but I have to wonder if something else might be going on. How to find out? I'd ask them straight up.

"Hey, I was under the impression that you were in town to visit your new grandaughter. So I was caught by surprise when I found out you had other plans and we were scheduled for the the end of the visit. I'm really hurt by this. Can you explain what's going on?"

Give them a chance to tell you that it was because other people could only be visited a set times, or they're terrible at communication, or that they thought you really were the last thing they wanted to do.

Then you'll have your answer and you may want to proceed differently in the future. I'd hate to see that they really are excited to see you and just haven't communicated it well, and that damaged your not-so-great relationship further. On the other hand, your hurt might be well founded and you can keep them at a distance for the future.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2015 04:10PM by Devoted Exmo.

It's posts like the OP submitted here that makes me angry I was ever born into the pyramid scheme in the sky...P.s. I have some similar problems with my parents.

when they didn't put your family on highest priority. They do not deserve to see their new granddaughter. If you know when they're supposed to arrive at your abode, DON'T BE THERE! It's their loss that they don't know what is more important.

My son just had our first grand kid. My wife was at the hospital 5 seconds after my he called and invited her. Your house would be our first stop - no question. I'm amazed your mom did that, I know my son would have been very offended.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2015 07:44PM by perky.

Congratulations on your new daughter! Enjoy your lovely family and ignore the attitudes of your rude and inconsiderate parents.

YOu have all your happiness there in your little family, and don't need your parents with their disgusting manner and rejection of you. Stop inviting them and let them decide what they want to do and don't want to do. YOu may or may not be available when they decide that. You can't control them AT ALL, but you CAN control your reaction. If you practice accepting them for the control freaks they are, and react ONLY as you wish to do, you will eventually feel better. I am so sorry it has all come to this.

I send my best regards and a lovely grandmotherly cuddle to your two little ones!!

Do they have a lot of grandchildren? My majorly TBM in laws have so many it's no big deal when another comes Along. We are all just part of the masses. My 13 year old has realized they aren't really that interested in her. She has no interest in them either.

See thats the thing, this is their second of only 2 grandchildren, im the only one to have had children at this point.

You're fine. You're not overreacting.

Of course, your parents are trying to manipulate you. For your own peace of mind, it might be time to begin to disengage from them, if you suspect that's going to be their attitude from now on.

Or maybe a strong dose of hard reality would do them some good. You can let them know that you really don't need their presence or support at all, and that you've got a great relationship with your in-laws.

If you can give your parents the idea that you don't miss them (whether true or not), and that they can easily be relegated to a permanent afterthought, that might wake them up. TBMs don't like their tactics turned back against them.