Otherwise...........4get it !!

Okay. So I am having a pity party. 4 years ago , I had (what I THOUGHT ) was the coolest visiting teacher. We'd laugh , talk . do things like go to lunch and stuff. Whenever she'd run into some of my kids (at the store or mall ) , she'd always tell my kids how I was one of her dearest friends. She was one of my dearest friends. Or so I thought. Several times over the last couple of years , I have emailed her & left phone messages. She has never emailed or called me back. ( Yes, yes, yes.........I know. I am SLOWWW.) I guess I keep trying to see the good in people. But , tonight, I was glancing thru my facebook page. Someone else had noted how beautiful the wedding announcement ( of this friend's son ) was . It made me realized that this "friend" had not included me or my husband on the reception guest list . ( These guys are extremely wealthy ---so I know that the guest list wasn't restricted to just a few ).
Sometimes I wonder why I try so damned hard to see only the good in people, and I end up being hurt. I guess I am truly one of the most dense people I've ever met.

I HATE how people are your friends if you're in the same ward. Then , after the ward is divided or you moved, it's like you dropped of the planet.

I am soooo done. *** Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice , shame on ME***.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 02:16AM by momto15kids.

Sounds like you were only an acquaintance; never a friend. It happens all the time in morgville.

We out in the "mission field" tend to think that sort of thing happens only when a person leaves the church, but I suppose it even happens when a move or boundary change makes someone no longer in your ward. Some people are incredibly shallow.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed in any way about your part in having called or messaged without receiving a response. Her behavior was odd. Normal people do not end friendships when nothing has gone wrong between them just because something so insignificant as being in a different ward has happened.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 02:20AM by scmd.

+1!

Mormonism does tend to make us wary of assigned friends, emphasis on the word "assigned."

My exmo sister never went to church for thirty years but had a visiting teacher to went out to lunch or shopping with her every month. Eventually, the woman tried to scam my sister's son and his wife. After it didn't work, she finally stopped being Sis's friend and her VT.

It's sad that Mormons don't understand about friendship or family ties. Their church comes first and everything else is dispensable.

That woman didn't deserve to have a loyal friend like you.

If you want to see it turn real ugly, wait until someone in the morg divorces. After my parents divorce every last one of their "dear" Mormon friends deserted them.

They were nowhere to be found. Like a bunch of rats scattering in all directions when the cat is dropped in the middle of them... they were terrified by the notion that even temple married couples get divorces.

My parents fair weather friends and life as they'd known it had come to a screeching halt.

People who run hot and then cold on you can be very confusing. I know that we've gotten a number of complaints on this board over the years about people who drop you quickly when ward boundaries change.

Over the years, I've had it happen twice with former coworkers. We were very close at work, often sharing lengthy conversations. I hosted both in my home or a family home. Then, nothing. It was like I suddenly no longer existed. To this day, I have no idea what happened.

I had a better idea with a third coworker, who made it clear through her actions that she didn't want her husband anywhere near me. I guess as a single woman I was too much of a threat. [rolls eyes]

I've had other occasions over the years where human behavior was just inexplicable to me. It must particularly hurt in a church setting where you feel that people should be available to support one another. Otherwise, why bother?

Mormons make piecrust friendships: easily made, easily broken.

I had been in my singles ward for 3 years when I quit going to church. I had thought I'd made all sorts of friends, but within 3 months I only had 3 friends left from church. After a year, only 1 person still called me and would talk to me.

I ran into a church "friend" at the grocery store and she said that she had thought I'd moved. I said, "no, I still live in the same apartment. You should come by sometime." She said, "I'd rather see you at church." I said, "That's not likely to happen." She looked at my basket and noticed I had tea in it, and then walked away. Even though I didn't move for 3 more years, I never heard from her again.

Tea has been one of my life's all too forbidden pleasures.

T'would trade a cup of tea any day over the company of strangers at the morg.

Tea is healthier by far, and soothing to the soul. Whatever else might be missed by not attending a session of the three hour block "soul crushers," tea is not one of them.

It's also sanctifying.

;-)

"T'would trade a cup of tea any day over the company of strangers at the morg." I'm going to remember that, this evening, when I curl up with a hot cup of peppermint tea and a good book.

Shunning still hurts, sometimes. I have zero Mormon neighbor friends. I've lived in the same house for 30 years, and was an active organist and teacher, until my kids and I resigned. My children were an influence for good. They were/are friendly, kind, honest, hard-working, good students. It seemed like the Mormon families were falling apart, because of drugs, rebellion, pregnancies, rejection from their parents, being "farmed-out" to relatives, rehab centers, pineapple groves in Hawaii, etc. There was no reason to shun us! My children bought houses in this neighborhood, and their children are going to the same schools. They have the same non-Mormon friends, and friends they made at the university--but are not friends with the Mormons. Their children (my grandchildren) don't get invited to Mormon birthday parties and play-dates.

My sister and her husband and kids are all perfect BIC TBM's. They built a new house in the neighborhood, and her daughter was crying and throwing a tantrum about the move, saying that she was going to lose all her friends. I said, "You will be only two blocks over, and will be going to the same schools."

My niece said, "We will be in another ward, and everybody knows that when you change wards, you lose all your old ward friends. That's just the way it is!"

What a sad commentary on Mormon "friendships".

FUCK THE CULT!!!!!!!

The flip side is that when it comes down to it, how many people in your ward would you choose to be friends with if you weren't assigned geographically to that group?

Several years ago I started getting Facebook friend requests from people who were in the ward I grew up in. I realized that even if I were still in the church, I'd have no interest in those people. There really were only a few people from those days that I'd be interested in being in contact with and those aren't the ones I received friend requests from.

Everyone else, even those who were my age and we ran in the same group were just people who were thrown together because of our weird mormonness. I just deleted the requests, but inside me I wanted to say, "you were a weirdo and by the looks of your FB page, you still are, so why would I clutter up my timeline with extremely uninteresting people?" Or "We were friends? Oh, yes, at church and church functions. But I loved that unspoken rule we had at school when you were with your popular friends, that we pretend like we don't know each other."

You realize that mormons are not only shallow, but all seem made in Stepford. They back bite and gossip all day about each other because there was never really a personal connection there. No matter how sweet they were or what a good friend they called you. You find out real quick who your real friends really are and were.

I have to ask why does that happen? It seems tome that a friend is a friend. Is it that every friendship must be based in the church? Now with a ward change you're still in the same church right? As with many things I read on here your post has left me wondering, does one need a heart of steel to be a good Mormon? I'm totally confused. I'd briefly considered conversion a while back, briefly being the operative word. Heaven forbid. Thank you for your sweet response to my post by the way.

As stated above, she was an assigned friend.

She does not deserve your friendship. Move on and know that you do not need someone like her in your life.

Since I have left the church, I can think of one person that I have stayed friends with in the church. All the others were either people I served with in different callings or they were assigned to me.

My daughter has assigned friends that stop by from the singles ward. They always come over on Sunday afternoon. Next time they stop by, I am going to ask them if they are her assigned friends.