Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: January 09, 2016 11:08PM
You made the right decision to stay away. Really, just thinking about it got you upset!
I mistakenly decided that being upset meant that I wasn't fully "recovered" from Mormonism, so I went to my cousin's funeral. The cost was too high!
For other Mormon funerals, I have written and mailed the family a lovely "In Sympathy" card. For Mormon family funerals, in order to express in person my sympathy and to honor the deceased in person, I have attended the viewings. These are usually held 1)the night before the funeral, and 2)the morning before the funeral. I prefer going the night before, because it is more separate from the funeral, and sometimes these are held at the funeral home, instead of at the Mormon church. Be sure to sign the guest register, so they will remember you were there.
My cousin's Mormon funeral was so upsetting to me--the feelings were exactly as you described--and I felt trapped. The reactions of my family were as anticipated. They wanted to know if I had left the church. One former friend said, "Did we do something to offend you?" No one really wants to know the real reason WHY.
"We miss you!" Well, I still live in the same house, and have the same phone number, and when you saw me at the grocery store, you walked the other way....
Honestly, I think I'm pretty strong, and I have been resigned for about 10 years, but I felt sick, after going to that funeral. I felt like a victim, again. I felt misjudged, disliked. I was a misfit. Along with that, those old feelings of boredom, guilt, and confusion came back. I had nightmares for three nights. I actually was ill, and missed a day of work, the next day, plus the hours I had taken off for the funeral.
The cost of going was too great.
Good decision. Protect yourself.