This is to continue previous thread.

I have been out of the church about 8 years. I used to be actively involved in scouting. Bishop asked me to be unit commissioner. I said I was surprised that I would be qualified. He said, "Oh yes, I have already checked into it and you are eligible." My reply: "Okay, let me get this straight. I am qualified to be unit commissioner, but I am not qualified to attend my daughter's wedding next month. Is that correct?" Bishop: "Okay, I understand." End of conversation.

that is one of the best responses I have ever heard, PERFECT !!

Great answer! well, that shut him up!

1st counselor - "Well, we have a calling for you."

Me - "I don't want to be in the primary."

1st counselor - (only slightly taken back) "We need a teacher in primary."

Me - "I just don't think I can do that right now. I am not a huge fan of other people's kids."

1st counselor - "We want you to teach the 7 year olds. So, at least it's not the 3 year olds."

This went back and forth for a minute or so until I was talked into it. The few months I taught the class I never did bear a testimony and I found a way to turn each lesson into a Harry Potter discussion.

No one has to like working with 7 yr. olds or 3 yr. olds, but no one in charge of finding teachers has a right to insult children. That's despicable.

Yeah, especially since my kid was about to go into the sunbeam class!! My other excuse was that I was pregnant and working third shift. Nothing matters when they are trying to make you do something. And this was at a point when didn't feel like I could just say "NO!"

Question Will you accept calling XXX

Answer NO

Question Why not

Answer Is there something about the word no that you do not understand?

End of conversation.

^^^ This.

This is actually part of my exit story.

I was raised to **NEVER** refuse a calling. Ever. Explicitly. Never. You just didn't do it. It just was. not. done.

Because of that, I was the Executive Secretary at singles ward, Home Teacher, Ward Pianist, and Ward Magazine Rep all at the same time.

When the bishopric changed and I was released (TTFC) the new bishop proved to be Punky's Dad's twin brother, "The Choade".

I decided to go to the family ward who's boundaries I was living within. I started to attend, met the bishop told him I'm coming out of a tough few church years and just needed to attend for a few months with no calling. He said ok.

6 months go by, I skip maybe once a month, twice in a guilt ridden month. Bishop calls me into his office, "I think it's time for a calling" he said. Here is my verbatim reply: "Okay, you come up with a calling that isn't going to take a lot of my time, and won't make me be here every week, and I'll consider it".

Which worked out great, because about a month later, he called me in again and told me that he found my calling. I was to be the new Ward Emergency Preparedness Specialist. He explained that it was one 30 minute meeting at the Stake Center once a month, then report back to the ward the following week. I would also have to do something with a phone tree.

Feeling wracked with guilt, I said "oh, ok". Feeling defeated, I had this feeling that "well, shit, vacay is over, back to the grindstone" kind of sunk my soul.

Being an unknowing sufferer of extreme social anxiety that was exacerbated by the mormon church, I missed my very first meeting, was far too embarrassed to go back to the ward and admit I was a failure, I actually never, ever went back to church. I was still, however, a TBM for another year or more until I found out it was a fraud.

"I wish I could, but I don't want to."

I was raised to never ever say no to a calling, too.

Looking back on it now, if I was still in, I would reply something like:

"Give me the priesthood and let me do things my way ( love people instead of shame them) and I'll think about it."

I'm pretty sure that reply would get me out of the calling, and maybe the church, depending on how vocal I was about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2016 03:58PM by idahobanana.

I was asked to be a primary worker for Boy Scouts near the end of my belief. I told the 1st counselor I would think about it and let him know. The following Sunday I was sustained, without me ever officially accepting the job. I showed up intermittently for about three months and then just stopped going altogether. I wasn't even actively going to church at the time either. Not sure what he was thinking...

I was chronically targeted as nursery leader because of my plethora of babies. When I finally broke down crying because of nursery vomit fests and parents complaining their kid got bit, poopy diapers, and so on, the relief society president said "I'm sorry, but we need you to keep doing it because no one else will. We've tried. That made me feel very special and I realized the bishop had been inspired by God to choose me for the job. I do love children and am always willing to help.

He was thinking he'd shame you or humiliate you into doing his bidding. Seems to be standard operating procedure at LDS, Inc.

I was NOT raised to never refuse a calling. I was a convert who was told that TSCC gave its members free agency.

A very young, newly installed bishop asked me to accept a calling.

My reply, "I don't have time".

His reply was a gaping wide open mouth. Dead silence.

I thanked him for the meeting and left.

After I "connfessed" my out-of-wedlock miscarriage at week 39 to my bishop during my "less-activity", that also was the reason why I had to quit my job on a daycarecenter for babys up from 8 weeks because I simply couldn't handle it anymore, and after I told him that I am most likely won't have a baby again due myoma but that it is my desire to be a mother (happy that it turned out to be not true)... after aĺl that... he came up with the bright idea to put me into kindergarten, because he knows™, this is the place I should be, where Gawd wants me and that it will heal my heart.
I was flabbergasted. I just said f|_|ck you you are just a f|_|cking ignorant idiot and left his office.
He never understood why I reacted that way. Not until today.

Thinking back, I remember after I had quit my employment at the COB. Spoke with my bishop about my experience. That I don't feel they want somebody like me talking to other's in the ward. They had already heard some of the stuff i was saying. Crap out of things like Church History or Bible/Bom. It was annoying them actually.

At one point the bishop came up to me after sacrament meeting and said I didn't have to worry about having callings. It's been taken care of.

Kinda nice to get back that part of your life. I don't mind helping people. As long as it's not under some church directive or program they are running.

They didn't bug me for years. And now that I don't even attend church it's much nicer :-)

It just feels better somehow :D

HP Group leader: "I'm looking for a HP Group secretary."

Me: "He's not here."

Lol!

Bishop: Will you do XXX calling?

Me: No.

Bishop: But we all feel like this would be a great calling for you. You will get many blessings. We feel inspired to give you this calling. More guilt trip...Even more guilt trip...

Me: Silence

Bishop: Can I check back with you in a while?

Me: You are welcome to, but the answer will still be the same.

Bishop: Thanks for your time.

The best story I know of was how my old school grandpa responded to some super duper gawd inspired new calling. keep in mind he was an active member of the church at the time. They had just called a new bishop in his ward that felt he could announce callings from the pulpit without conferring with the individual first. When my grandpa's name was announced from the pulpit my grandpa called out "HELL NO!" from the audience. The now shamed and self righteous new bishop met with him after the meeting in which he proceeded to address the new bishy as a pecker wood and self important little shit.

The calling was rescinded and they never ask him to served another calling without asking him first.

i would haved loved to have been there for that one.

Back in the days when husbands had to approve all callings for their wives I usually said no, I need her at home.

Heartless Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Back in the days when husbands had to approve all
> callings for their wives I usually said no, I need
> her at home.


Is it not the policy any more to ask the husband's permission? I hope so, that really used to annoy me, especially when the wife was never consulted before her husband was given a calling.

I don't know if it was ever churchwide policy but it very well may have been. I know that I was executive secretary for a while and it was our stake recommendation/policy to call in husband and wife when issuing a calling to either. As soon as I quit the church they didn't give a rat's ass what I thought and called her in solo.

"No thanks. I won't be there." And I kept on walking, as the invitation was issued while we were passing through the hallways after Sacrament.

Perfect.

The pathetic thing is how when you are young, you can't always think quickly on your feet & you can get sucked in.

Clear thinking sure came in handy when I left the church at 32; the "priesthood" guys were not used to a woman "talking back" or just questioning anything. I would just quip that my Dad told me to never stop asking questions. (They didn't like hearing that he wasn't a mormon. But...heh, you have to respect someone's father...)

I will never forget when one an elder's quorum member said I had lots of gumption and spunk. That's the answer he gave for serious questions I posed. A non-answer.

My experience wasn't exactly refusing a calling, but I think it may qualify. When I was in high school, somebody got the bright idea to have a couple of youth representatives attend the teacher inservice training.

I was informed on a Friday that I had to give the "lesson" Sunday and the topic was chastity. To say no would get me disowned, so, I baked a cake, fuming the entire time.

When I got to class, I waited for everyone to settle in. Without saying anything, I took the cover off the cake and plates and forks out, then looked around and said how nice to see everyone.

"Before I get started, would anyone like some cake?"

"Yes, I would."

"Me, too."

"Hey, how come nobody else brings treats?"

As you can imagine, looks were exchanged...some were sure they knew what was coming. I can't explain why it hit me wrong, other than I didn't want to be there in the first place, I really resented having to be front and center with little warning, especially on a topic I hated and was Sick. To. Death. of hearing ad nauseum.

I never think of the right thing to say at the right time. Never, ever. But for once in my life the idea came full blown and I knew exactly what I was going to say.

"A little or a lot?" I asked, knowing someone would ask for a big piece.

Once I had the order, I reached past the knife and dug into the side of that beautifully buttercream-frosted chocolate cake with my hand, dug out a huge piece, and then dropped that handful onto a plate, scraping my hand off along the edge. I handed it to the guy, who took it with a weird look on his face.

I got some gasps, some laughter, and an "Oh my gosh!" But, if anything, the leaders looked more smug.

"Who else wants some?"

Not so quick now to reply, waiting to see what happens next, I guess.

"Not so appetizing, is it, to have something just shoved at you? Presentation matters. I think we need to be careful when we talk to others that we don't come across that we think we're better than they are, or that we know what's best for everybody. We don't convert people, God does. We shouldn't make God have to shout over our actions."

I was shaking by the end of it, but I covered by using a napkin to clean off the cake on my hand. People started giving examples from their lives and it was a fairly lively discussion. I didn't have to say much of anything else the rest of the time.

I cut everyone a piece of cake, except the guy with the 'handful' piece. He wouldn't give it up, and ate the cake with a smile. The main leader who'd dumped the assignment in my lap at the last minute, however, didn't want a piece of cake. He caught me at the door on the way out and asked me why I didn't "speak to the assigned topic that came from the brethren."

"Well, brother dipsmack, (see how brave I am after the fact?) I just felt so inspired, I couldn't deny it."

What could he say to that?

Funny thing, I had people come up and tell me they'd heard what a good job I did for weeks after. But the powers that be never asked me to do anything in that ward. Boo-hoo for me, hah ha ha ha hah.

LMAO!!

My gut hurts now.

I really appreciate your sharing. I just might do something like that next time I'm harassed about not attending church anymore :D

sorry bishoprick, But I have found out that the worst NFL or NBA game is still much better than the best priestDUD meeting ever. In fact staring at the ceiling at home is better than going to church.

We moved to a ward in Orem in 85. I was hoping so badly that I wouldn't be given a calling for awhile. I had 3 young kids, one a baby. Tried to keep a very low profile, but it was an old established ward so a new young family was a target.

They gave us a few weeks and then we got the call to meet with the bishop. Bishop Rodney Boynton, a professor at BYU at the time and I heard later he'd been a mission president. He just seemed like such a personable guy and his kids had been very welcoming to mine. So I already liked him, but I could not believe what came out of his mouth. I will never forget those words, "You are new in the ward and I don't know much about you. I like to think that I get a little inspiration when it comes to callings, but it still comes down to who is available for which positions need filled. So if there is something I don't know about that makes it difficult for you to fill a calling, please let me know so we can discuss it and make sure we find the calling that works best for you."

I was like, "what did I just hear?" A bishop admitting he isn't all powerful and all knowing and that we might be real people who know what is best for us?" I loved that man. I thought, "I'm going to love this ward." It made me want to try whatever calling he gave me, maybe that was part of the strategy, but it was a good one. Then a few months later he was released and put into the stake presidency and the evil twin of Boyd K. Packer was made bishop. It was all downhill from there.

Stake President: "The Lord wants you to serve as Elder's Quorum President."

Me: "Uh, we just bought a house and we are moving in a couple of weeks."

Stake President: "Well, darn, that doesn't help me."

Me: (laughing inside at his fake inspiration)

I decided to go to college when I was 40. I told the bishop that as long as I was in school I wouldn't be accepting any callings.

I had just read book about an apostle who did that, and everyone was just fine with it. I figured if it was good enough for him, it was good enough for me. After all, I had three kids and a home to take care of when I was in school. The apostle didn't have that responsibility, and he had a wife to take care of everything. (I can't recall which apostle it was).

The bishop looked a bit surprised, but he didn't give me a calling for the 4 years I was in school.

Mine happened in a college-student ward. I competed for one of the school teams and was on scholarship for it. When the bishop called me to a position that would have required my presence every Sunday, I explained that I couldn't do it because I needed to keep my scholarship, stay in college, and graduate.

The bishop called me anyway and told me I would be blessed to find jobs and extra work that would make up for losing the scholarship. I still said no because I had a contractual obligation to be on the team (and because no student-type job available in that small college town could have made up for a full-ride plus books and housing, and I knew it).
I showed up maybe three times -- then our season started and I was gone pretty much every weekend for the rest of the academic year. I have no idea if/when I was ever released, because I devoutly avoided church until I moved into a different student ward the following year.

A long time ago, when I was still a TBM, but was on the verge of going inactive for a lot of reasons... I was stuck in the primary. And had been for a long time. Apparently, I'm good with kids or something.

The leadership felt inspired that I needed something to keep me busy and active. At the time, my wife was having a great deal of anxiety and was suffering from depression, she was already completely inactive and I supported her in this as just driving on the parking lot caused her massive, severe panic attacks. (Hence the need to keep me active, lest I fall away too).

Worried about my wife, feeling very alone, wanting to being a group my own age so I could have something like a support group, maybe make some friends or something... I called the Bishop and asked to be released, citing the reasons above. He stated something to the effect of they needed me in that calling, it was inspired, etc. I was incredibly hurt. I just couldn't deal with a group of kids at the time. No sympathy.

So, I called the primary president and explained the situation. She understood and said she'd rather I be able to attend and released me on the phone and said she'd get someone to cover my next class. (why didn't I just call her in the first place? I'll never know. I think I thought the bishop would understand what I was dealing with.)

As it turned out, that was the beginning of the end. Church, even without primary, was taking more and more time away from my wife who needed me far more than the church did. I went inactive shortly thereafter.

The fun part was having the bishop calling me to see if my wife would accept a calling she could do from home, something like magazine coordinator or something like that. You know, because husbands had to approve callings. I said no, that wouldn't be a good idea and politely ended the conversation as soon as I could. (I still somewhat believed, but it always bothered me that a man had to approve his wife's callings, but a wife had no say in a man's calling... that didn't seem like an equitable relationship!)