Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: February 11, 2016 04:10AM
I agree that these are great suggestions!
You are reacting in a very Normal, healthy way, to abuse. Often abuse is hidden, secret, and veiled in denial. Abusers blame the victim--you--for everything. You are not to blame! You aren't exaggerating anything, either. Your pain and anxiety and sorrow is REAL.
Set your own boundaries with your mother. Who knows--maybe you will have to withdraw temporarily, and will eventually reach that necessary detachment. Maybe you will be able to see your mother and the Mormons as immature children, almost laughable. Maybe not. I could never laugh at my abusive brother.
After I left the Mormon church, I dreaded the TBM family reunions, even when my brother wasn't there, so I told everyone that I would go every-other-year. I do care about these people, and a reunion is a quick way to catch up in person.
Most of our reunion is outdoors, and we have a huge extended family, so I bring soccer balls, whiffle balls and baseball bats, paddle balls, for all kinds of games. I bring toy boats to float in the creek (I'm a certified lifeguard). I take them on a "hike" up to a hidden swing. Children are usually eager to have a good time, and the adults are usually glad to have the children occupied, so they can gossip and preach and brag and eat, and whatever they want to do.
Don't the kids get pretty bored at your mother's testimony meetings? How many days is your reunion? Is there a yard, or a park nearby?
Do you have friends there--maybe the reunion is in your hometown? You could book some appointments with them, and stick to those. No explanation necessary, if old friends are expecting you. That really saved me!
Probably everyone these days has an i-phone. Have your friends text and call you often. Lots of people just stuff the earphones into their ears, and stare into space. How about bringing along a (non-controvertial) book to read alone in the corner, or to read during the "meetings." They will ask you what you are reading, but if you threaten to give them a book review, they will run away, fast!
Your mother is obeying the Mormon admonition to put the church FIRST. She knows no other way of prioritizing. You (and I) never were "high priority." You are not bound to make the reunion "high priority."
If your mother has a plan or schedule, you could just attend the main dinner, on the last day, after all the church junk is over with. Like with "education week", you don't have to sign up for the whole thing.
It can be kind of depressing, when you finally realize what real love is, because you suddenly understand that the Mormon church does not preach, teach, or practice unconditional love. I used to listen for the word "Love" to be spoken in our LDS church meetings, and I never heard it. Love was never the subject of a lesson. At the end of my Mormon years, Christ was talked about less and less. Russell M. Nelson said that "unconditional love is anti-Christ." Mormons believe we must earn (and pay money for) love. Your mother doesn't love you for you, because you were her baby--she will love you only if you go back to the cult. That kind of rejection is harsh!
Outside of Mormonism, there's more love than you could ever imagine! The love in your own heart, which you give to others, is the most important love of all. If some of it comes back to you, that's just icing on the cake. Begin my loving yourself, and protecting yourself from hurt, abuse, and shunning. Find your own non-Mormon "family" of kind people who will appreciate you.
Let us know what you decide to do.
Yes, get a different therapist. A non-Mormon, cognitive/behavioral therapist, who specializes in cults and PTSD.