I posted a little bit ago about the confusion I've been going through about the church history. It's been an interesting ride. I stopped going to church about a month and a half ago, and I've briefly explained to my mother why I'm not going... which she just took with the emotionally manipulative answer "I know you'll do the right thing" grrr.

Anyways I'm just wondering, brainwash being as real as it is. How do you define happiness? I literally can't even begin to fathom what happiness is anymore, I had thought that what my family had was it. But really it was just generations of emotional baggage and brainwash.

It's different for everyone, which is one of the gripes I had against Mormonism's one-size-fits-all claims about happiness. No, I had no interest in marriage (eternal or otherwise) and raising children. I had no interest in being with my parents and siblings in this life, much less the next. For me, all that was the opposite of happiness.

People in your position often have a difficult time figuring out what happiness is for themselves, because the church has been telling them what it's supposed to be and that they're bad if they want something different. I think we discover happiness through exercising freedom of choice moment to moment. Given a selection of options, which one is more appealing? What about the next options? and the next? Made a bad choice along the way? Back up and try the other options. Keep the things that work best for you and discard the rest. Now that I think of it, discarding the stuff that doesn't work might be the place to start. It's like a big spring cleaning and yard sale. Do I want this? No. How about this? No. This? Yes, keep that. This? No... Designer William Morris said, "“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” I think the same can be said of our lives.

I love that quote from the bottom, and an interesting input, because that's literally what I've been doing in many aspects of my life since I started opening my mind. Thanks!

Sometimes I agree with those who say happiness is an unsustainable state of bliss. It's great but it can't be a constant thing, just like an orgasm can't be constant. Instead, a much more sustainable state is contentment. Are things good? Yes. No major gripes. Then you can have bursts of elevated joy/bliss/happiness on top of contentment.

I also think contentment is the enemy of religion. When you're content with your life you aren't receptive to those trying to convince you you're broken and need religion to fix you, to save you. I realized this on my mission. We could make headway with discontented people but not the contented one. When we knocked on doors and people said, "No thanks, we're happy," I thought, "Yeah they probably are. I wish I were."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/18/2016 01:03AM by Stray Mutt.

I don't know about you, but as a Mormon I took everything WAY too seriously. EVERYTHING had eternal consequences. I can tell you for sure that happiness is NOT living in a chronic state of anxiety about your imperfections, or fearing that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. We need to be able to laugh at ourselves and not take everything SO seriously.

I think happiness is living a balanced life:

-Doing enough work to challenge yourself, learn and grow, and earn sufficient money that you don't stress about money.
-Balancing that work out with play and relaxation.
-Have fulfilling and supportive relationships.
-Have some things that you are passionate about doing: could be a hobby or skill you are developing, or a project, or even charity work.

That's a short list.

Having been a Mormon I know what happiness isn't.

What ever happiness is, it is not found in being what someone else wants you to be. Happiness does not surface because you obeyed a rule that made no sense or performed a task that was against your own interest. Happiness does not thrive in the bigotry and pride of the Mormon church unless those are two of the things you most want in your life. Wickedness never was happiness and by my count, the Mormon Church is the very definition of wicked as it emotionally enslaves.

Happiness leaves the room when a Mormon parent tries to guilt you or control you. Happiness pops back up when that Mormon parent respects your need to think for yourself and make your own decisions and only wishes you the best. (Yeah. Like that's going to happen.)

I find that happiness is often confused with contentment. I find them to be separate. Contentment is easier to sustain as you continually make wise choices and feel you have some control and power over your own life and you can weather a storm.

Happiness is more serendipitous. Events occur which suddenly combine to be more than the sum of their parts. And you become cognizant that the feeling of happiness is the ability to feel all the other feelings you have--love, empathy, understanding, even pain and sorrow. But just for a moment, for some reason, you get the good stuff--deliriously happy for a few moments and then a few moments more you are left with the after taste left behind.

I think you find more happiness when you don't go looking. The stars and planets align just right sometimes but you only know it because you happened to suddenly feel like looking up for a moment during your exploration. Happiness is more of a jolt than an undercurrent for me.

One of the happiest moments of my life was the moment I realized the Mormon church was false because it was a moment of extreme truth so pure and I wasn't even looking for that. I couldn't even speak for a full ten minutes from the sheer joy.

Jonathan Haidt: The Happiness Hypothesis

http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Hypothesis-Finding-Ancient/dp/0465028020

A little film based on Haidt's findings:

http://www.ted.com/talks/stefan_sagmeister_7_rules_for_making_more_happiness

In a nutshell, meaningful work (activities), close social contacts.