I'm extremely upset with the way my life is turning out. The years go by so fast. Every time I thoroughly research my options, seek out advice, come to a conclusion, and act on my decision, life proves me wrong! I'm 5 years of of high school and I've accomplished NOTHING with my life.

Here's what I've done since high school:
-Community College - Earned an Associate in Arts degree, no debt
-Quit attending church
-Went to vocational school - Ended up being the wrong path for me
-Experienced failed relationships that drained me
-Transferred to a mediocre 4-year college (enrolled now and in a degree I don't want, but that's another story)
-A few entry level jobs
-Accumulating a lot of debt from college and trade school
-Have not earned enough to buy a car
-Still live with my parents

None of this has gotten me anywhere. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I graduated high school. Five years later though, I'm still in the same place, except now I am less optimistic and hopeful. I believe I have a lot to offer the world if I can develop my potential, but that's the problem. I was not born into a family that could help me pay for college. My dad was never successful and my mom never went to college, so I never received any form of career guidance from them. I was lucky to have mentors here and there who I would ask for help, but not in time to save me from decisions I regret. I wouldn't even mind the debt if I knew I was getting exactly what I wanted out of my degree.

The thing that set me off today was when I attended volunteer training. I learned the woman in charge of training us earned a specialized BA degree at a good college. I looked into the college and program when I got home and realized I would apply in a heartbeat if I could. I'm upset because life always does this to me. I just enrolled at my current university, but wish I could transfer to the one she went to. I don't even know if I would be accepted into the college I really want to attend, so I'd end up wasting more time and money. I don't understand enough about the process to know if it is even viable. I'm terrible at navigating through life because I have no real guidance or experience with these things. Investigation only goes so far, compared to someone who's had a lifetime of experience. Reminders like these come up after I accomplish something, and then it turns out it was no true accomplishment at all.

I try to make the most of my life, but then when something like this happens, I'm reminded that the world is dangerously competitive. I'm reminded that I have no place in it. I'm also reminded that when I try to carve a place out for myself, I lose. Corporations are going to hire those from acclaimed colleges, those with proper connections, those who have the most talent, or those who have had unique opportunities. Everyone else seems to know what they are doing except me. Any decision I make ends up screwing me over in the end. It seems I am going to live and I am going to die having made no real impact on myself or the world.

The hardest struggle is staying optimistic. My life experiences have taught me to give up on myself. That no matter how much I persevere, it will not get me anywhere. I lack the connections, financial stability, proper guidance, education, experience, and self-esteem, so I am not worth developing. I never used to feel this way about myself, but it's where I'm at now. I still take pride in what I have accomplished, but my accomplishments have not built on themselves and have ultimately amounted to nothing, which is the part that hurts me. It feels like I'm destined to rot in the world while everyone else around me is embracing a fulfilling life through their careers or relationships. What is there to do at this point? Just continue living life knowing I likely won't reach my potential? I will never truly be happy unless I accomplish my long-term goals.

This is your biggest problem in my opinion.

demoneca Wrote:
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> I will never truly be
> happy unless I accomplish my long-term goals.

A life is built bit by bit and if we can't find happiness along the way we probably won't recognize it when we have what we think will bring it to us.

Almost everything that you've written could have been me at your age. I was very slow to develop in my late teens and throughout my mid-twenties. I didn't start to hit my stride until my late twenties, and didn't go to grad school until I was 34.

I can also tell you that my brother was a hiring manager at his company until he retired a couple of years ago. His favorite school to hire from? A state university. He preferred its graduates to those of much fancier schools.

If you feel comfortable sharing more information we can give you more specific help. What is your school and program at present? To what school and program would you like to go? What sort of job are you aiming for?

Good luck to you and please know that things will work out for you in the long run.

Thank you, summer :). I always appreciate your advice.

I am currently attending Robert Morris University. I chose to attend because of a scholarship, which would make earning a BA degree much more affordable for me. Unfortunately, the scholarship is dependent on the campus, and there is only one degree (Management) offered at my campus. Aside from working with people, management is not my strongest suit and not what I am truly meant to do. My original plan was to earn my bachelor's in management and then go on to pursue a master's degree in something that I really want to do. Another option I have is a double major degree, for Management and Psychology (this degree would be on a different campus, so the scholarship would be void). That would take longer and cost more, but it is an option on the table. I'm not sure if it is wise to pursue two degrees, especially if I am not passionate about one of them. I'm not sure how marketable I would be compared to someone with a specialized degree. Still, both programs seem to pale in comparison to the one offered at the liberal arts college I am interested in, with a degree much closer to what I want to do with my life. I am trying to set up an ideal path for myself so I can be proud of my success, have a chance in the world, and not feel like my loans were a complete waste.

The program I want to transfer into is Human Development & Social Relations at Earlham College. Their acceptance rate is 68% (not sure if it's less for transfers) and their page showed good financial aid based on income. Other things to sort out are that the college is out of state (but only one state over from me), living on campus, and all the monetary issues that go with this.

As far as the type of job I'm aiming for, I know the qualities I want it to have. I want it to involve psychology and sociology. The woman who was training the volunteers today has an Early Learning Specialist title. She has BA in Human Development and a Master's in Early Childhood. The two degrees pair up nicely. I don't know the other aspects of her job, but it appeals to me that she is an expert and that she is involved in training. Her job is respected and probably pays well. I like careers that focus on improving team dynamics in companies and improving individuals. This type of job has a big picture aspect to it that motivates me. I don't know the title of my dream job, so I can't offer much detail beyond this. It's the gist of what I want to do though.

My advice would be to finish off your degree in Management. Study hard and get high grades. Robert Morris offers classes and majors in the field of Psychology. If you are able, take as many classes as you can as electives. You don't have to have a double major for the classes to be useful. If you are not able to squeeze psychology classes into your schedule, see if you can take some online or online through another school.

Start looking into possible jobs. Somewhere there are people in corporate America doing types of jobs that you would find appealing. You need to find those people and talk to them. Your business professors might be able to help you identify possibilities for specialty fields that might interest you. Start looking into internships. Internships are often critical to getting good jobs.

Get a few years working under your belt. When you have a better idea about what you want to do, *then* apply to master's programs. My grad school used to offer a program in corporate training. The school would have loved to admit someone with a background in management.

Your first job after your undergraduate degree will likely *not* be what you want to do in the long run. But it will nevertheless give you valuable experience. To give you an example, a friend of mine graduate with a degree in Economics. His first job post-college was working as a manager at a local bank. He told me with a sense of hilarity how he used to manage the lunch schedule. A few years later, he got his M.B.A. He spent most of his career after that working as a securities analyst.

You will be fine. It is not always necessary to have your undergraduate program precisely match what you ultimately want to do. Pay attention to your grades because that will help you with grad school admissions. And an internship will look great on your resume. I don't think most employers would differentiate too much between Earlham and Robert Morris. Get the degree finished off and get on with things. Try not to fret too much about it.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 03/18/2016 06:11AM by summer.

The world will kick you around until you die... there are many cliche quotes to answer most of your concerns. Not many of them will mean much until you go through the experience that teaches you. There are no short cuts, continue to work hard. You may not achieve what you want. In the end, you may be glad. Be yourself, practice self-awareness, try some guided meditation. Learn to let your thoughts pass. Learn to concentrate and focus on the present moment. Learn your lessons and know that your family and friends are also learning theirs. Most likely they don't know any better and didn't know any better but did the best they could. Learn to feel that you are a part of everything that surrounds you.

Happiness and Success in Life are not necessarily connected.

Having a "Great Job" that brings in a lot of money is not the secret to a happy life.

Nobody has a lasting impact on the world. You know how many people Genghis Khan impacted? When's the last time you sat and thought about him, or Hitler or JFK? The people responding to your post have more impact on your world than Famous People.

There's no final exam in life. If one person says, "awww, that's too bad; he was nice guy!" when you die, you'll have had a better than average life.

I've coasted all my life. As a sophomore I got my name and photo in the Las Vegas Sun for testing out in the top 2% of the nation's sophomores. The only time I made the A&B honor roll was the six weeks Paula B. and I ditched 8 days in a row.

I flunked out of UofU in two quarters. Then I passed a couple of classes and UNLV, but failed two others. So then I worked a year for the State of Nevada, on a road bed testing crew, and then went on a mission, where I finally matured a tiny bit. It was enough to get me through the Y, with a BA in a field that in theory was all I ever wanted. But in real life, it was the shits because I don't like people. After a couple of years in that career, I went back to grad school, not even certain what I wanted to do, but at least I could 'hide out' for a couple of years. Then I lucked into a career that suited me perfectly, and I've been doing it 41 years now. Still enjoy it!

But I have none of the trappings of success, other than the love of a good woman and some nice kids. And that's enough. I'm happy. Believe me, I planned things only in the most general of ways and somehow pin-balled into happiness. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you.

And here's the thing, I had no idea my career even existed. It may well be the same for you. You're way to young to know about the movie, The Graduate... There was a famous scene in it, where the hero/anti-hero is at the party his family threw him after his college graduation, and a old guy walks up to him and whispers in his hear, "Plastics! That's the future!"

I have no idea what job/career will make you happy, but it's out there. Or you can create it! And you can have happiness, which is nothing more than getting up in the morning with things to do that you like doing. For now, make what you like doing preparing yourself to be a good hire. Work out, dress nice, read to be well rounded and encourage laughter.

Just one woman's opinion, but you seem to have unrealistic expectations.

wine country girl Wrote:
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> Just one woman's opinion, but you seem to have
> unrealistic expectations.


I agree with you. Life is just life, no more no less. She needs

to get over it and get realistic about it.

Thanks, EOD.
Many of us will benefit from your post.

"Corporations are going to hire those from acclaimed colleges, those with proper connections, those who have the most talent, or those who have had unique opportunities."

Honey, you don't necessarily need a college degree to get a good job or have a happy life. You should spend some time looking into other types of careers. I never went to college, and I've owned my own business for nearly 20 years now.

My wife raised four kids and worked in our business for years, and she hadn't worked for a company for 28 years (she quit her last job the week before our first child was born in 1981) until she took a job six years ago as a weekend phone receptionist. She worked there just a few months when the org realized she had a brain, and they put her into the marketing department. After working there four years, she was promoted to marketing director and now makes nearly $40k. At age 57, her company is sending her to management school because she's valuable to them.

My oldest son barely graduated from high school. One of his buddies helped him get a job repairing cell phones for a chain of phone stores. After a coupla years, he was made a salesman, then he was put in charge of inventory for a region. Last fall, the corp brought him to the HQ and made him project manager over a whole new division, with a salary of $60k. This is a chain with 550 stores and 4000 employees. My son, the high school grad, is part of their "brain trust."

My point being, companies need employees who are sharp and are willing to work hard and progress. A lot of companies don't care if you have a degree or not. They just want to know that you can do what they need you to do. And there are a lot of college graduates who don't make good employees.

I suggest that you read this article:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevemoore/2015/03/31/not-hard-at-work-hardly-working/#5e81be47cb78



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2016 11:26PM by randyj.

>
> She has BA in Human Development and
> a Master's in Early Childhood.
>

I am officially irrelevant. But I still maintain that, as they say in the army, "No plan survives first contact with the enemy."

What will it take for you to be happy? A job? A house and a car and a mortgage? A wife and kids?

Why not be happy now? Those of us who have been there, done that can tell you that those things didn't make us happy. We just became happy with them.

No matter how good things are, you can always find a reason to be unhappy. No matter how bad things are, you can always find a reason to be happy. This is all a mind game you're having with yourself. The Kingdom of Heaven is right there in front of you, if you will let yourself enter.

If you think being happy now is a silly belief, remember that you once harbored beliefs far sillier.

True enough, at least I'm purged of living a lie. There's the silver lining :). I guess maybe happy wasn't the word I should have used. Fulfillment is a better way to describe what I'm looking for in life. I want to affect the world on a larger scale. To me that means working for an organization and being respected and admired by those I work with. I want to have earned respect through my ideas and contributions. Personally, I don't understand how anyone can coast through life without some sense of fulfillment. It's easy to feel empty without it. You make a good point about becoming happy with the things that don't make us happy. I'm getting the impression I need to be more flexible with my goals, which isn't a bad thing.

I was just thinking today that if you eliminated the less productive half of the workforce, the drop in output would barely be perceptible. They're basically doing busy work to keep out of trouble. So the desire to be fulfilled through work is about you following a script handed to you by society. It has nothing to do with your worth as a person.

It's more important to want the right things than to try to make them happen, because your subconscious mind will push things along rather than sabotaging you. Also, hard work does pay off eventually.

To quote a line from Kung Foo Panda (originally from A. A. Milne), the present is a gift. That's why its called the present. When I was your age, I thought life's a bitch and then you die. Then one day I was saying that to myself when in mid sentence I distinctly heard a voice in my head say "Beautiful gift". That was a riddle for many years, but I think I'm starting to get it.

Life is golden, and you are the gold. It's okay to not see that it's all love. Nobody can unwrap your present but you because that would spoil the surprise. You made it out of Mormonism at a young age, so don't sweat it. You'll get there.

Are you still young enough to join the military? If you don't have any physical things that would disqualify you from military service, it is a very good way to get out of the house and on your own. You would have to choose wisely. Like the Air Force, Navy, or Coast Guard, not the Army or Marines.

A paid adventure would be Peace Corps, should they feel you qualify for it.It's only 2 years, but looks real good on a resume.

The bad economy isn't your fault.

You're feeling low right now and I'm sorry. You're not the only one in this situation and I wish I could help. Do take care and take heart. You are young and have a good future ahead, but you'll need to keep on trying and be patient. Perhaps you're living in an area with limited opportunities so you need to do what you can with what you have and not take personally what you can't control.

I think you are wise to realize that "business management" is not where you think you have talents or passion.

From what I have seen from my kids' friends a degree in sociology or psychology is not a good investment. Check into employment rates for degrees in those fields.

If you are interested in early childhood development I would suggest getting a teaching degree in special education or in speech pathology. There are lots of open positions and you would get the type of involvement you want.

I don't thinks its wise to spend a lot of money on a degree you are not passionate about career that it leads to.

Life is not a race, you just need time to find your place in the world, take your time and make the decisions that bring you peace of mind and that you are excited about achieving.

Both my brother and I are late bloomers.My twenties were one long and at times,hurtful learning experience.I have the feeling it was the same for my wonderful brother.It really does get better, my 30s and my 3 years of 40s have been good.My brother is doing well in his late 30s.Yeah at times it's no fun being the late bloomer,but I appreciate my life and the people in it the rest is either a learning experience or frosting on my life.

I wanted to add you have done a lot, at a young age school and getting out of a destructive relationship(the church) you should be proud of those things.