I thought these would give you a laugh!

Sample -- "I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you."

http://www.knowable.com/a/21-people-were-asked-whats-the-best-curse-free-insult-you-know?

Your sample has nothing to do with Mormons or former Mormons.

Mormon Sample -- "I lost The Spirit a long time ago so I won't be able to help you look for your car keys."

Crayons have everything to do with mormon thinking. Childlike is their mantra.

onendagus Wrote:
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> Crayons have everything to do with mormon
> thinking. Childlike is their mantra.

That may be but childlike is their manner doesn't mean they aren't adults. This is akin to asking them if they need their mommy. It isn't smart in my opinion.

how many mormons have you seen that think like actual adults ?

Many in many respects. It is just in certain compartmentalized places that they really have problems.

Many like to be told what to do. Do kids like this? Mine don't. They like me to make hard decisions for them sometimes. This is a regression or never progressed part of some Mormons, but that isn't in day-to-day things. I didn't pull off my diapers when I pulled out of Mormonism.

Well, I think it applies but feel free to disagree.:)

These are meant more to give a laugh than for actual use, except perhaps in the most extreme cases (when you would be otherwise tempted to get out the hose.)

I use "No, thanks" a lot, like when I'm approached about a "calling" or urged to attend the 2nd or 3rd meeting or queried by a missionary about a home visit.

I think it works as an insult because it goes to the heart of their sense of infallibility. I can almost see the gears locking up as they process the concept of "No."

And the off-hand manner in which you say "No thanks," indicates the incredibly low status their religion and, by extension, their office holds in the scheme of things.

I prefer statements that point out the idiocy of mormonism.

"So your spiritual life is based upon advice from your dentist... Okayy..."

"Fifth child on the way hmmm...You know they found a cure for pregnancy many years ago."

"Oh you did a session in the Temple this morning. I was wondering what the line on your forehead was."

At the bar with a Mormon, "Now cover your ears while the grownups have a drink and talk."

My goal is to repel TBM strangers from approaching my door. I hope they are deeply offended enough to spread the word and stay far away from me.

The trouble is I never think to use the f-word or flip anyone off. That's simply not how I react. So I do need responses that cut to the core and don't feel alien to my personality. Thanks for the tips.

You don't have to use the f-word or flip anybody off.

Open the door just a crack and say, "What is wanted?"
Whatever they start to say, interrupt and put your hand through the crack, and give them the First Token of the Aaronic Priesthood and say, "What is that?"
If they don't answer, or answer wrong, say, "I was expecting messengers from Father!" and shut the door.

+1

The one I use when after I have said something someone looks at me in disbelief:

"Tell me which of those words you didn't understand and I will try to explain it to you."

Those of you averse to the f-word can use another f-word to get rid of them:

"go fornicate thyself."

+1 LOLOL

"I can tell you didn't take your medications today."

"Do you have a license to give unsolicited advice?"

"If you prayed about this, I don't think your message got through."

This one is from Sigmund Freud:
"Am I supposed to believe EVERY absurdity? If not, why this particular one?"

"I have always believed God gave us brains for our use. Why aren't you using yours?"

"I have always said, You can lead a Saint to knowledge, but you can't make him think."

"Do you know that saying of Jesus, where he said to look first for the board in your own eye?"

"Look - let's make a deal: I will promise not to stick my nose in your life if you promise not to stick your nose in mine."

"You know (chuckle, shake head), that's one of the silliest (stupidest, dumbest, absurdest, nastiest) things I have ever heard. I can't believe you actually said it!"

"What does your therapist say about that? Or did you skip again this week?"
If the response is "I don't have a therapist!" then say, "Well, that explains it! No wonder!"

See also "How to answer questions from Mormons" at http://packham.n4m.org/q-and-a.htm



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2016 02:37PM by RPackham.

These are fantastic. The therapist one has me on the floor.

I love those, Richard!

What could also work is using insults from Shakespeare as there are some TBM's who won't get the reference.

But they understand their Elizabethan English. Their most holy book is written in it.

You name your Universities after an adulterer who banged his followers wives.
Mormon scriptures sound like they were the basis for Mein Kampf, only they demonize 2 whole races of people, not just one.
Joseph's Myth, the man you believe to be the only one to see God and live to describe him, did so in Fig 7, Fax2, BoA, Why do you carry around Gods dick pics in your scriptures?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2016 10:12PM by koriwhore.

Well it's not really an insult,but when TBMs try to preach to me or share their testimony or something my new things is to say, "Wow, that's incredible."

randomgirl Wrote:
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> Well it's not really an insult,but when TBMs try
> to preach to me or share their testimony or
> something my new things is to say, "Wow, that's
> incredible."

Funny. I like it.

I would be tempted to say, "Wow, that's uncredible."

" I need a blueprint of your brain.

I'm building an idiot."

"I need a blueprint of your brain to use in microsoft's new robot. The blueprint we are using now keeps thinking for itself."

Why do I drink coffee???

Well for health in the penis and sperm and semen in the testicles and prostate be upon me...

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

Just call them FARGING ICEHOLES and watch them react!

RB

Secret handshakes and magic underwear (laugh and roll eyes).

"He hasn't an enemy in the world and none of his friends like him"

(you could change the 3rd person singular to 2nd person, but if our aim is to be really mean, it's usually more effective if you insult people behind their back)