I was talking to my husband about why I am SO happy to be out of the church. Then we went down the singles ward memory lane and through all of our interesting dating experiences, and we talked about this one...So I am wondering if anyone else had guys try to manipulate them into doing what they wanted based on their "personal revelation". One of the worst ones for me...I JUST graduated HS and started going on dates with this guy who was fresh off his mission. We dated for a few weeks and he decided to drive me to the temple for a date. We walked around the grounds and talked and then he sat me down and said "I've received revelation that we are supposed to get married." This wasn't even a proposal, it felt like a command...I felt totally stunned! And confused-because as a 17 year old girl who had been brainwashed into thinking that the priesthood somehow holds some special magical powers I took what he said into consideration in my head for a min, then realized I had not gotten that feeling AT ALL. I told him that I was not feeling that way and that I didn't think it was right to start planning a future together. He was genuinely PISSED at me. Red in the face and raising his voice! I think he felt that I had wasted 3 precious weeks that he could have been finding some other chick to manipulate into having his babies. I had similar experiences with a couple other guys who wanted to control me and my life with their "priesthood power" and I would resit every time because I am a very independent person. What I learned from the singles ward was that everything they taught me in YW's about men was crap. RM's are just like any other man, they aren't holy or superior beings in any way, haha! From seeing RM's in that light it lead me out of the mindset that I needed a peter priesthood (who bored the crap out of me anyways!) and I found my husband who was real and never acted like the church was more important than me. PHEW! I am glad I didn't get conned out of the life I love now! Did any of you ladies have guys try this "angel with a drawn sword" technique on you while dating? Share some stories! :)

One proposed to me (after pointedly talking about his family is from the Mexican Colonies) after lots of YA lakes & trails excursions whenever I was home from Forest Service summer work. He claimed to know my thoughts.

Another met me in one weekend (we had been in a ward together as Until I was 10 years old/ he knew my l d s family) and he proposed to me immediately after at a YA activity without any alone time, and was indignant I hesitated to commit.

Thank about projection! Talk about protection from projection! I too am glad for my life with my husband, however both of these guys are fine men from wonderful families who have done well. And I wish them well. I guess I knew being raised in a part member family my non l d s dads ranch & culture was a significant part of me, and they had only seen my l d s family's lives represented & they thought that was me. It was frightening rather than exciting at the time. I didn't have the self esteem to be angry about it yet.
I am a non l d s farmers who married a Mormon girl in a backyard weddings daughter. When A non l d s dairy owners second son remembered my birthday for years with flowers delivered and wined & dined me whenever he was in town, we had marched in band together, we were non exclusive when he asked About marriage with all that history- all that shared narrative, still I said no. He's a fine person with wonderful family now, very hardworking success, salt of the earth & fun.
Based on this I think the returned rm scam line is amazingly depreciating or something less ... Don't have the words. I don't know how to say it. Quoting someone important, " love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." - Shakespeare

"He claimed to know my thoughts."

The perfect response to that would have have been "So, you know I think you're creepy, right?"

I did not go through the usual course of RMs too quick marriage. I had a girlfriend I was very serious about when I left and when I came home we picked things up from where we left off and eventually got married, and we have been together ever since. I rescued her from being an "old maid" in her little Utah town. We did not have kids for many years, she got several degrees, we broke the rules a bit.

But you have to remember that many RMs are counseled that they must find a wife quickly by their Mission Presidents. So they fast and pray and may have a spiritual/hormonal experience that points at YOU! Remember these are young men in their max reproductive hormonal levels and they have been exquisitely repressed for two years. Instead of ridicule they should receive some pity for their revelations and red-faced reactions upon hearing their revelations laughed at. If you never spent two years in a psychotic monastic slave service you would not understand.

The young woman sits there and listen as he blusters and whines and somehow owes him pity and free counseling services?

I don't think so.

He needs to learn that his behavior is not normal and that young women are people to be respected. He won't learn these lessons if they fold and cater to his delusions.

Love all the stories, thanks for sharing everyone. It just shows how TSCC messes with men and women's minds. They push marriage marriage marriage!!!! Women assume the men are in control and should be treated almost as a master. The men are badgered into finding a wife and being mr. perfect peter priesthood.... it suppress everyones sexuality. No wonder there's a lot of messed up relationships in TSCC, its an organization full of sexually frustrated people. My husband said it was rough being out in the mission for 2 years and not being able to date, or even check anyone out for so long. However, he has a mind of his own and didn't use his RM status to push innocent sweet girls into a corner to declare his righteousness and revelations to them. I am so relieved I don't have to push this way of life on my own children.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/10/2016 06:40PM by liv5.

I had a couple of classes with a guy at BYU. We would sometimes chit chat a few moments before class. It was usually just stuff like "How did you do on the last test or did you think the last assignment was hard?"

He never asked me out. Then on the day of the final in one of the classes, I saw him put a card in my backpack. He asked that I open it after I got home. In the card was several pages in very teeny tiny writing about how he had a revelation that we should get married.

I never responded because it was so weird. A few weeks later, he somehow got my phone number and called me. He was very angry that I hadn't responded and insisted that I was denying the spirit because I told him that I didn't feel the same way.

I think he called me a couple of times after that, but I never took his calls and he didn't bothered me after that. He probably had a new revelation with a different girl.

I've seen this behavior a lot in "nice guys." They think if they do everything right, have the priesthood and serve a mission (for Mormon guys), or treat the girl like a princess (yuck), that they are entitled to her affections. I'm surprised and I'm not by this dude's arrogance in essentially forcing you to choose to marry him. As if you had no brain or your own feelings to go by. He implied you were inferior by throwing a tantrum about your decisions. I hope he got a clue that marriage is 50/50, not 100% priesthood... It's much of the church's fault for putting it into their minds that priesthood = final say, knowing all, having power, etc. I'd say he was genuinely clueless, wanting to begin his happily-ever-after life, or he was a manipulative jerk. Seriously, no one wants to date someone who throws tantrums like a toddler. He was a stalker for getting your number without getting your permission. How dare he demand you talk to him and then get angry when you didn't? The entitlement is gross. The true colors came out with his anger over something you didn't do wrong. There's just so much to point out that is messed up about people who act this way.

I was once instructed to break up with my non-Mormon boyfriend when a guy in my ward had a revelation that I was to be his wife instead. I laughed in his face and then shamefully apologized for not feeling the same way.

And how about the guys at BYU-Idaho who tried getting us girls to go out with them by using a bizarre pick up line that their patriarchal blessing said that the Lord set aside the most faithful and valiant girl to be their wife. And then to ask if that was me. Me:...Nope! Definitely not! Them: But it might be! Me: No, it's really not but good luck finding her!

Many, many years ago, when I was young and in my 20's I went to a church dance with a newly returned missionary. He had the face of Robert Redford and the brain of a turnip. After the dance he drove me home and while saying goodnight, he asked me to marry him. Said he was getting a revelation that I was the one. I disabused him of this notion and never EVER went out with him again.

"He had the face of Robert Redford and the brain of a turnip."

Ya know, a lot of gals would have taken that. :-)

I went out with a guy who told me that he wanted to marry me because he wanted my father to be his dil. He thought my father walked on water.

I told him the real deal, that my father was a selfish, self absorbed, cruel, and deceptive person. He told me I was an ungrateful brat. That was the last time I ever saw him.

Went to Single Adult activity.A guy got my number - not from me - called me repeatedly, asked me when we were going to get married because he had received revelation,I had to tell him to "**** off" He then told me that the spirit told him that the first revelation was only subject to my righteousness and the fact that I swore meant that the revelation was overturned.

My friend had been dating a guy for a few weeks, he came to our stake dance, groped me under the table. I kicked him, told my friend during a bathroom trip. Ten minutes later he proposed to my friend as he had received revelations that she was the "sweet help meet" described in his patriarchal blessing. She gave him his marching orders.

This thread is beginning to sound like the start of the "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago.

♫♪He had it Coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame....♫♪

8^)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/10/2016 05:33PM by wine country girl.

From that song, "Not only was he married, oh no. He had six wives, one of those Mormons, you know..."

No revelations. The closest I came to that was one guy who descended upon me my first week at BYU and asked me out. ON the first (and only) date he let me know that his Bishop had been telling him that he needed to get married soon. I told him that I had no thoughts of marriage just yet, even so, he called for a second date and I turned him down and told him precisely that it was because of what he had said.

I think it probably helped that I didn't grow up in Utah.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/10/2016 05:36PM by seekyr.

RM's want to have sex so bad that many of them will marry the first girl who says yes. There's a solution to all those bottled up hormones: masturbation.

"We walked around the grounds and talked and then he sat me down and said "I've received revelation that we are supposed to get married."

Well ya know, as the Prophet Joseph Smith taught, "Some revelations are of God, some are of men, and some are from hormones."

I got engaged to a RM because he told me he had prayed and received revelation/inspiration that we should be married. I enjoyed dating him but had my doubts. But, I was young and it was very fun to be a young TBM and engaged at a church school.

Went home to plan the wedding and had major regrets/cold feet. I told my parents who thought I was over-reacting but fortunately were very supportive. As soon as I told him I was having doubts he FREAKED out and major drama ensued.

Eventually he gave up and I called off the wedding and never heard from him again. Literally--the day he left (he came to convince me to marry him) he said he would never give up because he "knew" I was the one--and I NEVER heard from him again.

I dated a RM (he was probably home six weeks before we started dating) that I met at a church-sponsored dance. It was about two months later he told me he had a dream of us being married in the temple. We got engaged. Then I decided to get dis-engaged. It's embarrassing to give a diamond ring back to a guy. I'm sure he lost money on the deal. ;)

Cheaper than a divorce ;)

Hehe he probably just saved the ring for the next willing victim lol

To hell in a handbasket Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> He probably just saved the ring for the next
> willing victim lol

I got (from Netflix) an interesting Mormon piece of comedic fluff, surprisingly good for an LDS indie, called "Singles Ward - 2." It actually treats the RM's excessive hope for early and fast matrimony rather well:

The RM comes into SLC International, with a fantasy of crowds of family, friends, signs, and balloons, with his one-and-only waiting at the end of the column--in a wedding gown! He arrives--to nobody at all. The bishop forgot to tell his family about his release! He does propose to her--and she shoots him down cold.The jewelry salesman says, "we NEVER refund RMs' engagement rings." He is seen putting a "engagement ring for sale" card on a BYU bulletin board, already wall-papered with other guys' for-sale signs and cards.

The DVD is, of course, Mormon-friendly, but much more fun than I expected.

going to provide for me that I hoped this is what would happen for me, but then not many mormons wanted to date me, well acceptable ones. Dated a lot of nonmormons, though I didn't want to. Even my very mormon neighbor said someone needed to date them.

My nonmo boyfriend (who I dated at age 20 and chose not to marry--we are 58 and 63 now, been together 11 years) told me the other day that after working with a bunch of mormon men for the past 3 years, he thinks I did a good job of who I ended up married to--my gay ex. They know each other well and don't really see eye to eye, but my boyfriend thinks he is a much better person than these other men.

I did date some "interesting" guys who I never went out with more than once. I had a few stalkers from the singles ward. Mormon dating is CREEPY. I swore I'd never date a mormon again when my husband left. I'd rather stay single.

I now have a nevermo partner. What a difference. We really are equals. No comparison to dating a TBM

Same here, after being with my ex-husband, I swore I would never date another Mormon. The nevermo I'm with considers me a true equal, and that includes having the both of us working outside the home. In fact, the straw that broke the camel's back and got me to resign was getting an invite to a singles adult dance before my divorce was even final. Obviously, I refused to go to that meat market, and I realized that if I didn't resign, that invitation would only be the beginning of their constant harassment.

Not long after I got baptized (around 16), I became friends with a guy in my branch. Not long after he kept hinting that we were meant to be together for eternity and that we were promised to each other in the pre-existence. He even wrote some sort of comment in a letter to the branch when he addressed me specifically. It said: look to the sky and remember. I wrote back: look to the sky and forget it. I can't tell you how much this freaked me out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/11/2016 10:24AM by laurad.

At the only reunion I ever went to, two weeks after getting home from my mission, I met up with an LM I'd had the hots for, but who turned me down when I wrote to her after she went home, about a year before my release.

I asked her out at the reunion and the following night, after priesthood conference, we went to see Hawaii. After the movie she asked me to marry her. She'd had a revelation that she would be married before October was over. The revelation did not tell her WHO she was going to marry, just that it would be before the end of the month.

She came out of the closet a few years later...

I dated a guy who proposed on the first date. He was a convert and the ward was tiny with no other single women but me. He was determined to be married in the temple ASAP. I sensed his hormones were raging. He didn't actually say he had received revelation but he was relying on me being conditioned by the church to want temple marriage and to want it as soon as it was offered. When I turned him down flat he quit his job and got a job working as an engineer (I think he was a janitor) for the temple and asked me again like his job at the temple would be a greater incentive for me. I turned him down flat.

Later I learned that he hounded some woman for years to marry him. She also had a job at the same temple. Eventually, after many years, she married him and said SHE had received some kind of revelation. Actually, I think the men at the temple put pressure on her to give in. I wonder how the marriage worked out.