I feel bad for this, but when my daughter went on a mission I was kind of hoping she would see through the sales rhetoric and the forced teaming and all the psycho manipulation and want to come home.

Unfortunately she is just loving the place. I hated my mission. I want her to be happy, and I am glad for her learning Russian, but I REALLY don't want her to become a mindless Mormon missionary, and in her letters she has started to sound like every other Elder and Sister in the world. It scares me, because I don't respect it and I have always respected and admired her before.

Have any of you been in this situation? Is there any hope that she will see the mission for what I see it as--service to a corporation that is harmful and manipulative? I can't say anything to her that is negative, so what do I do except tell her I love her and try to sound happy for her?

This is the worst. She sounds totally brainwashed and writes every letter with a bunch of !!! and capital letters. It's like she has joined the Moonies and can't stop praising the love and wisdom of the divine Reverend Moon. My wife loves how much she loves the mission, but it gives me the creeps.

Sorry, just needed to vent, but any advice would be great too.

They like feeling they're spending every hour doing what God wants for them and being among others who are largely as dedicated as they are. Many mormons like structure and regulations apparently.

Let's hope this blush wears off for her in time.

Not to hijack this post, but as you say "many mormons like structure", my TBM SIL just posted on FB what her Myers-Briggs personality type is, which is an ESFJ. A few quotes from that personality type:

"they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values"

"ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them."

Someone like this of course is going to totally accept and thrive in Mormonism, and probably also the MTC.

Do you know your daughter's personality type. I've found it very helpful to know my own, my husband's, and other people. It helps understand other people better, and how to communicate with them or get through to them.

No I don't think she's ever taken Myers-Briggs. We did a strengths Finder together so I will have to see if that looks relevant.l

Oops posted below



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/01/2016 03:02PM by generationofvipers.

I feel you, my sister just left for England not too long ago. And I can't even read her letters. It's absolutely appalling. The need to make every little thing seem like a miracle. And the over use of capitals and exclamations is ridiculous. Blech.

The missionaries are told to not write or say anything negative to those back home. Only happy spiritual stuff is acceptable.

The love of the MTC may or may not be genuine.

As a missionary, I always felt it my God driven duty to put the best face on the mission and to prove to family that I was a great spiritual warrior. I always said I loved it all and felt the spirit more strongly than ever and yadda, yadda, yadda . . .

But that was just me saying what I thought I was supposed to be saying. I was sincerely playing the game by the rule book. I wasn't thinking for myself, I was on auto-pilot.

Still, I never stooped to using 3 or more exclamation points!!! So I at least hung onto that bit of dignity.

My sympathies! But I wouldn't worry too much at this point. Right now there are no worries except to study hard. But I'm sure her mission won't be quite so glossy. And then she has a lot of life ahead of her. Look at all the RM's that visit here. Some were totally into it at the time.

+1

She is safely sheltered in the MTC bubble right now with no *real* worries where everything is taken care of 24/7.

The REAL test will be when she is shipped off to (what I am assuming is) Russia -- which is, by all accounts that I have seen, one of the most difficult places in the world to be a missionary even under the best of circumstances.

The cuteness of a mission wears off quickly. Give it a few months. She may well stay out the whole 18 months, but there is a typical calming down of emotion once things get rough for the first time.

Continue to be what you already are...a loving, supportive parent.

^^^ Yep. This is more powerful than the church.

I think all of us who went through the language training/ indoctrination process had a severe thumping from reality when we arrived at our first hell-hole apartment in a dingy foreign city, especially those of us who did not land in a country that was receptive to Mormonism. Russians as I understand it are not accepting of the Church well at all, and anti-American sentiment is running very high. Her first winter in a northern town, with massive numbers of high alcohol consumers, may temper her exclamation points and CAPITAL LETTERD!!!!

She's drunk enough kool-aid at this point to genuinely feel that she wants to stay connected with her MTC cohort. It's a lot different in the field...sometimes. The less they see of other missionaries, the better it is for breaking free. I think the church knows this and they now have way more meetings than I ever did, 50 years ago.

If you want to give yourself some hope, go read the almost 200 'naughty' missionary stories at http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/18763/

It may give you some hope, but it also might scare you!

One thing I will say for the LTM (yes I am that old) was that they fed us pretty good there.

I just feel like she has changed a lot. She used to laugh at sanctimony, and even though she is still not really into talking too much Jesus she does say that God is helping her learn the language and God is working all these miracles and so forth. Like fingers on a chalkboard. But as you suggest I will be nothing but supportive about the things I can be--like the language, the life skills, etc.

Does she tell you she loves it? They tell her to say that, because only bad mishies hate the MTC.

You have to let her live her life. If she chooses to be TBM, you need to let her do so. You agreed to her going on a mission; don't wish that she were miserable just to make a point.

Be there for her if she needs to talk, but just chalk up her cheery letters as par for the course. She would be afraid of admitting her misery even if she were. The MTC isn't the field, so maybe she just likes the BYU experience in Provo.

The most embarrassing letters I ever wrote to my family were from the MTC. If she was normal before her mission, she'll likely revert back after the experience wears off. And, as has been pointed out, she'll probably sing a different tune from the field.

Too soon to worry.

I get it! My wife/I sent 5 of our children on missions, another was called but married after her Stake President okay-ed her marriage to a valiant, control freak, priesthood holder that has ended in divorce! She is happily remarried to a Catholic! Another son refused to go! Five however - served honorable missions! Big problem!

Today, there is only one of my children left in the so-called church who I suspect will eventually drop out as well! It's been one hell of a ride! mormonism is a vicious CULT that indoctrinates its victims at every available opportunity! Tip: never allow priesthood holders to counsel your children one on one behind closed doors! Now, get ready for the fight of your life! Breaking many years of sophisticated, mormon, mind control techniques is doable as I have evidenced but it will take a herculean effort on your part! Realize you may be marginalized/ shunned by some/all of your family along the way but perseverance/mental toughness can prevail! Remember, the CULT is controlling, arrogant/will likely inadvertently help you along the way! When challenged, they can't help being assholes!

Best of luck to you! As Always, tnurg (GRUNT)

That is a hopeful sounding statistic!

The one thing missionaries who are months into the field are starving for, even if they themselves can't identify it, is normalcy. Feed it to her as best you can, as much as you can. Start now.

And yes, be supportive as mentioned by others above. Of her, not of the mission.

JAR

I wouldn't worry. Most Russians are onto the LDS scam. She's on an adventure so trust her to self adjust. The ugly truth of Mormonism is much closer to the surface than it used to be.

are you sure that she truly loves it. maybe she is lying because they feels too guilty to admit just how much it sucks.

Hi GoV! My missionary son absolutely loves his mission. We get long, inspirational letters from him. I'm going to share my deepest worry about my son, you may or may not share this worry about your daughter...

I wonder if my son will still love me after his mission? When I saw him over Skype on Mothers' Day, he seemed to miss me and he told me he loved me very much. But, given the constant programming, I can't help but wonder what he really thinks of me. (In her passive aggressiveness, Mrs. Boner outed me as an EXMO to him. Then she turned around and told the other kids "because if he knew, the others, too, should know that we're not going to be an eternal family.")

I constantly tell him I love him and am very proud of him. I just hate Mormonism for what it has done to my marriage and family.

My best guess will be that your daughter will come back to normal within a short time after she comes home. Very best wishes, The Boner.

es thanks for sharing this boner. I was so close to her before her mission. She came to me and said "I know how you feel about it but will you support me?" I told her I would if it made her happy and did not demean her.

But my fear is similar to yours: I just think we will have very little to talk about and very little in common if she becomes a true believer. I really hope you are right about her getting back to normal after the mish. I know I was much more wild after my mission than I was before, but that was mostly because I hated my mission. If she loves it so much, who knows?