& responsible in your family.

I guess I must be the outlier. I'm the fuck up. I measure up pretty poorly to my TBM family members. It sucks ass, but the more pious certain family members are the more successful they are, or so it seems. My marriage is struggling, I'm having a fuck of a time getting a career going, I pay my bills, but I'm broke af. But the shittiest thing about it all is I know that my mom, grandma, and other self-righteous twits look at this and just "know" that this is a result of my disaffection from the church while my more "righteous" family members are prospering. I wish I could my efforts could just help me finally catch a break and I would be rewarded and my TBM family couldn't smugly watch the filthy apostate get his just desserts while the holy, obedient sheep are showered with blessings. Don't know why I posted this. Just needed to fucking vent lol.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/12/2016 08:17PM by Susan I/S.

It works both ways.

My jack-mormon brother-in-law used to twit my TBM father by pointing out to my relative prosperity, when my faithful siblings were struggling financially, and asking, "Well, Dad, how do you explain that the evil apostate son can probably buy and sell all of us several times over?" (He was exaggerating quite a bit, to make his point.)

My father's only response was "Well, something bad is going to happen eventually! It won't last!"

Pretty messed up that a father WANTS to see his successful son's good fortune come to a screeching halt to have his silly beliefs validated. Mormon parents can be some of the worst.

Howdy Taters, it's okay to feel fucked up. It's just part of being a real person as opposed to a Mormon automaton that's always pretending to be someone special. You're not an outlier--although the Morg would make you feel that way. Truth be told, everyone fucks up, or feels that way, sometime.

When I get into a shit fit, generally, the next day is better. I hope that tomorrow is way better for you. Don't let the TBM bastards get you down! (((Bro-hugs))) Taters!!!!

Thanks, Boner. I'm a little down right now, but I am going to stand firm, proud and tall, and rise above this. I'm facing some stiff adversity right now, but nothing that a taffy puller such as myself can't overcome.

funeral taters Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm a little down right now, but I
> am going to stand firm, proud and tall, and rise
> above this.

Fuck yeah!

Boner wrote: "It's just part of being a real person as opposed to a Mormon automaton that's always pretending to be someone special."

Great observation! Sometimes being a real person is hard. But it's better than the alternative.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with this problem. I wish no one had to have this problem though. I may not have Mormon family members, but my neighbors see me the same way your family members see you. It's arrogant and even disheartening. Most of all, they are wrong and can't see it. It's so wrong that they look down on others like this.

Here's to both of us turning the tides and proving them wrong!

My tbm sis in law has always struggled financially with her tbm husband. She is bitter because her two apostate brothers are fairly successful. She gets mad at God because it's not fair that she keeps the commandments and pays her tithing. It has put a wedge into her relationship with her brother. Her choice, not his.
However I'm Fairly confident the conversation with her parents include a "just you wait, something will happen! Gods wrath will prevail". And life is filled with peaks and valleys, so if and when we do have a struggle, it will be justice for them. Ugh. Some family!!

sounds like your sil should be sitting in Creflo Dollar's congregation or Smiley (aka Osteen). The prosperity gospel is alive and growing

Because I'm not religious, my job was bad. The house I bought with my own money is inferior. My retirement is a sham.

Believing siblings who live on Daddy Warbuck's property are superior to me somehow.

I worried that I'd raise F up kids without the church.
AND that would give my TBM family something to look down on.

Luckily and Happily my kids are great. Religion isn't the cause of good people.

I also worried that I wouldn't be healthy enough. But I'm doing as well or better than the TBMs.
Coffee, Tea etc. has not damaged me.

My goal as an exmo was to live my life well. I'm not rich but I can afford to travel, I have my house, I am not in debt.

Keep at it...........there are ups & downs BUT life is good.

And what defines successful? Living an authentic loving joyful life is my definition.

Good times, bad times, career struggles, good careers, terrific marriage, lousy marriage -- they can and do happen to mormons and non-mormons alike. And those in or out of every other religion.

It's confirmation bias of the worst kind to pretend that everyone who follows a certain religion is "blessed," and everyone who doesn't, isn't.

Some of your circumstances are under your control, some aren't. None of them have anything to do with ditching the cult. So figure out which are which, do what you can to make the ones you can control better, and move on. That's all anyone can do, mormon or not.

If they look down on you because you don't have all the trappings of success, and use that as evidence of God's punishment, that says more about THEM then it does about YOU.

What it says is that they feel validated in their beliefs when you suffer. They are "I told you so" sorts of people. These aren't the kids of people you want in your support network. These aren't the people you can go to for help, comfort and advice when you have a problem, because that would prove them right. These kinds of people manage to cast a shadow even when you ARE doing well. Because, well, sooner or later something is BOUND to go wrong, and then they can enjoy that.

We've been on the "successful" side of the family for most of the time. But there has always been that sense that we are being watched, and when anyone slips up, or the kids aren't perfect, or someone has a serious illness, that they are looking and judging. And WAITING for the something to go wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if it's my own problem, if I'm just making assumptions. But I know how they've always talked about people who left the church. And I know how they gossip about anyone, period. And I sense how they act unnatural and awkward around us--either closed and avoidant, or patronizing and phony. I just don't need that.

So I avoid. I avoid interaction with people like that. The other option is just to really try not to think about WHAT they think, and just be myself. Disarm them by being myself.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2016 11:55AM by imaworkinonit.

Mormons forget one small detail. We know them. We know what they think and who they think it about. We know what they believe. We know how they judge and gossip.

What they don't know, is what we think or what we believe. They're too afraid to ask.

One little thing every exmo should know. Most likely you will NEVER be good enough in the eyes of mormonism. Never. You could go out and walk on water and you still wouldn't be good enough. It took me awhile to figure that out. Once I realized it, I was so done with those people. Being around them is like carrying a 200 lb. bag of rocks on your back.

What they fail to see is that most of them never feel like THEY'RE good enough, either.

That's probably why it's so satisfying for them to point the finger of judgement at others. They might not be good enough, but at least they are better than somebody else.

Taking your simile one step further (a la Virginia Woolf) -- being around Mormons is akin to putting those rocks into your pockets and going for a stroll in some deep water. Richard Burton's Boner.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2016 12:43PM by BYU Boner.

funeral taters has a point. At first glance it may seem as though the TBMS are more prosperous but I think that it only appears that way for this one reason:

1) Those that go to church are already in a prosperous condition. They are already in the middle class, middle management careers, married attractively with handsome children, inherited wealth. Those of us that don't quite fit the mold (me), can't quite feel right about being there, worshiping the prosperous.

Church is like an awards ceremony for the school's valedictorians, Most kids couldn't care less, and find it painful to attend such a ceremony.

Well, I'm obviously the least successful in my family as far as not having had a good career for very long or not marrying a crook and fraudster who could amass a lot of money for me.

I'm the only one who's divorced and the only one who has kids who are divorced. So yeah, call me the failure by TBM criteria. Gosh, I dropped out of college to fulfill the measure of my creation and because of that had to return to college in my late 40s as a divorced mother. Loser. That's me. And proud of it.

Why? Because anyone who's not mormon tells me that they are amazed by what I've accomplished, the things I do with so little, and the amount of time I spend on REAL volunteer work. That is along with finally having a credible career that I busted my butt for and a side job that is just to have a little fun money. But to be married just so someone can make money for me holds absolutely zero appeal. The best thing is being able to do my own thinking, something no amount of money can buy you.

Yes, it would be nice to have everything I have AND the kind of money, home, etc. that the holy obedient sheep (as you call them) have. But it's not because they're being showered with blessings. It's just what it is. It is that way in every family, mormon or not. Some have more. Materially. In mormondumb, those who have more are usually the ones who are more trapped. Don't discount the price of freedom. And freedom to think for yourself is the one that costs the most.

You ROCK, NormaRae. Seriously.

Just keep moving forward buddy...this shit happens in families too...not just church...my old man had his favorites...told me many times id never amount to coon shit...maybe i havent...his favorites he gave extra help to make sure they succeeded just to show me...well the fair hairedest one died of an overdose two years ago having squandered an absolute fortune and his marriage...the rest who were mostly far more educated than i have zilch to show for all their greatness...i could easily buy them all and still be comfy...was it easy?...not by a long shot...keep your head down and your ass up...keep moving forward...winners never quit...bad luck has a habit of breaking just about the time you feel like quitting the most and it does run in cycles...enjoy the sunshines when the shit storm clears...its cummin...guaranteed...would i go thru this shit again...not a chance...life is a marathon...not a sprint

If you were doing great they'd say Stan is rewarding you for going to his side. Or it's easy to prosper when you have no values or morals.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. They always come up with something negative if that's their wont.

In the early years of our marriage, hubby and I had some pretty slim times. We survived, did what we had to do, and made it through to come out on the other side. It took awhile, and wasn't always easy. After all, we didn't have any rocks we could look at to tell us the future. We worked, made decisions, and tried to spend our money wisely.

There were many times when we felt like our so called mormon friends were so much further ahead of us. They had nicer homes, cars, and fabulous vacations. They always seemed to have nicer clothes and the same with their kids.

Then one day, a couple of them let their secret slip. They either had some hefty inheritances that paid for homes, educations, cars, etc. OR they were being well subsidized by wealthy parents! I had no idea. Oh, and there was also option #3. They were in debt up to their eyeballs.

One thing I can say for hubby and I, we did it ALL ourselves. We are indebted to no one.Nobody can control or manipulate us with threats of taking things away from us. We earned everything and every penny we have. By the way, my husband has always been a blue collar worker. Something mormons looked down their nose at him for.

I can say for sure that I will never inherit anything from anyone. Hubby may get a few bucks some day from his nevermo mother, but that's a BIG maybe. The family joke is that she will outlive all of us. Her parents died within 3 days of each other. They were both 99, and neither one of them was sick. It was like they decided to die, end of story. They had a double funeral after being married to each other for 80 years. They left each one of their nevermo kids about $500,000. Most of their kids were in their 70's when the parents died. So, don't count on inheritance to make life better anytime soon. Get out there and get it for yourself. You are the only one you can depend on to make life good for YOU.