Posted by:
shannon
(
)
Date: June 25, 2016 05:22PM
A few Mondays ago, I was driving down the strip here in Florida when I spied the grand opening of the newest, trendy, thrift store in town. I pulled in to take a peek. First customer-woot!
As I was wandering around, I heard the bells chime on the door behind me, signaling that someone else was entering the store. I turned to see an entire geek squad of 1950's IBM salesmen-in all their dorky glory. *SIX* LDS missionaries!! Lawzy!
As they started their blathering with the cashier, I just had to intervene (not to mention they were blocking my exit).
In my best Southern Mama loudness (and gesturing wildly) I said, "GO HOME BOYS! It's not true! Go to college. Get a job. Buy a car...get a GIRLFRIEND!"
Then I told them I was a temple-endowed apostate and started chanting the "Health in the Naval" ditty. As I elbowed my way through the crowd, one guy pointed and shouted, "I know you!"
Yeah, dude, you know me. I offered you and your comp a ride and a meal when your dinner appointment stood you up. (I saw them get rejected as I was driving home from work one evening). They freaked and wouldn't get in the car when they discovered I was an apostate. ha!
And the sissy mishies-I've worked them, too. Scared the bejeezus outta them when I left a note on their dryer in the laundry room-left a message that included the "Health in the Naval Ditty" and a referral to RfM (funny how that bad poetry stays with you for a lifetime). I'm a hit and run de-converter. I'm always fast. I'm always funny. And I guess I'm starting to gain quite the reputation.
I felt so sorry for those boys that day, stuffed in their cheesy polyester pants and ties (TIES for fuck's sake!) at the beach. I could see the ocean over their shoulders. Every other dude their age was walking around in swim trunks, flip-flops, shades...and carrying a surfboard.
<sigh>
;o)