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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 01:29PM

Wondering Wanderer just posted this brilliance on Mormon Stories. These are true Pearls of Great Price ...

LDS definitions:

inoculate = indoctrinate
essays = downplays
apologetics = synthetics
clarification = obsfucation
translate = fabricate
seer stone = a mere stone
hat tricks = theatrics
golden plate = sucker bait
gold standard = delusions of grandeur
polyandry = dirty laundry
Rosetta Stone = cover blown
papyrus = obvious
JS Egyptian translation = oops, missed the dick illustration
called by inspiration = summoned in desperation
follow the brethren, right or wrong = sell your soul for a song
believe = naive
question = suppression
you talk = you take a walk
white = pure and light
black = stay back
gay = stay away
Red skinned Lamanite = loathsome sight
brown = stay down
female = curtail

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Posted by: dogeatdog ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 03:30PM

Pretty funny

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 05:12PM

Very good stuff. Poetic and funny. I love it.

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Posted by: 6 iron ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 05:49PM

Masturbate = sin next to murder

One and only true Church = fraudulent cult

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 11:47PM

Needs to rhyme like the OP's items. Might I suggest

Masturbate = create self hate

One and only true Church = Collect dough leave truth in the lurch

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 08:53PM

Makes the word comparisons come alive. Thanks for posting.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 11:07PM

tender mercies = tend their miseries

testimonies = impress the phonies

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Posted by: alittledabwilldou ( )
Date: July 17, 2016 11:21PM

"testimonies = impress the phonies" thats awesome!

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: July 18, 2016 02:41AM

Power of the Priesthood = Imaginary delusion; ANYTHING plus the Priesthood is more useful than Priesthood alone

Little Factory = Come Unto Jesus

Testimony Glove = Clean Hand, Good Start

Priesthood Blessing = (this space intentionally left completely blank)

Patriarchal Blessing = Unfortunate waste of paper; Random Chinese fortune cookie more accurate

Tithing = Stupid Tax

Missionary Service = Snot nose kids with shipping peanuts for brains

Drain Bamage = Belief in things which are unseen, which are BS

2-1/2 Minute Talk = 2-1/2 minutes too long

High Councilor Talk = Worse than waterboarding; could be used to make terrorists talk after 5 minutes

Sing We Now At Parting = Blessed relief; we can get the f*ck out of here finally

One More Strain of Praise = We hope Sky Daddy is impressed with our fake adoration when what He really needs is a gift certificate to an Anger Management workshop

Seer Stone = JS's 3rd Huevo

Endure to the End = Hope Sacrament Meeting is over before your End goes completely numb and you physically cannot get up to leave

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Posted by: readwrite ( )
Date: July 18, 2016 01:13AM

Eternity = future, always future, may never come... rather than it is right here, right now.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: July 18, 2016 11:26AM

beyondashadow Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> female = curtail

Did you mean "tail, piece of" ?

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Posted by: laperla not logged in ( )
Date: July 18, 2016 11:46AM


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Posted by: darkshadow ( )
Date: July 22, 2016 07:41PM

Plain And Precious Truths = faith promoting white wash of the actual truths

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