Posted by:
AfraidOfMormons
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Date: July 30, 2016 03:49AM
I've had experiences similar to that of Ron's wife.
I use what I call my "black hole" technique. I don't engage. I pretend to not understand nasty innuendos--huh? My response makes the nasty person feel like their clever joke fell flat. Ignore the Facebook thing, and politely thank your SIL for her birthday greeting. End of story.
My family and I are not on Fakebook at all. My daughter says it's just another opportunity to be snubbed by Mormons.
Facebook causes depression.
Possible motives for your SIL. Jealousy. When I moved away, my SIL actually admitted she was always jealous of me. Jealous people want what you have, and they think they deserve it more than you. Jealousy is not admiration--a form of hatred. If someone is jealous of you, they don't like good things happening to you, and they would prevent your successes, if they could. Sometimes they actually do deliberately try to make you unhappy. A jealous person is your enemy, not your friend. This applies to family members, too.
My SIL was motivated by greed. I was a working mother, and had money of my own, yet my mother liked to buy me a new outfit, sometimes, for Christmas or special occasions. She made sure to buy SIL an outfit, too, to keep things equal. SIL felt that if she gossiped about me, I would lose favor with my mother, and Mom would spend more money on her. Gossip usually backfires, and my mother did not like my SIL telling lies about me, and about others. My SIL put others down, to make herself feel superior.
Just act like you don't care. Your SIL is insignificant. Do not let her get in the middle of your other relationships! She is bad-mouthing your children--and that's where you need to set a boundary with her.
I think it's best not to play the game, or to get even. When in doubt, be polite. Good manners is the go-to response that always works.
I agree that getting upset or making a big deal out of your SIL is giving her more power over you. Don't let her manipulate you.
Be distracted. Mentally tune her out, and retreat into your black hole, where no one knows what you're thinking, where a response isn't necessary. I like to "think beyond," to what I'm going to do after I leave this uncomfortable situation. It calms me down.
Your SIL is on the road to destruction. Trust me, criticizing, manipulating, and lying about others only makes them dislike the person who is telling the tale. Relax, be yourself, and let your SIL shoot herself in the foot.