I was told by the bishop to act like a lady and dress and act more feminine. ( I'm queer so, I suppose I have some "dykish" quality to myself either way, none of his buisness )

I was told by a member that my family since my whole family is not Mo will be burned to stumble by Jesus once he comes back.

After I had watched a movie with LGBT characters, I told one person in the ward and they ratted me out to the bishop, so I was called in and threatened with excommunication

Those are the three that stick out the most, the rest is just TBM super snarky-ness

It's supposed to say I am Q u e e r.

One time when I was the Stake Athletic Director the Stake Prez called me into his office. He told me that they had just had the basketball court refinished and he asked that I implement a rule that all basketball players who came to play change into their basketball shoes after arriving at the Stake Center. I got a screwed up look on my face and asked him why. He then proceeded to tell me that basketball shoes worn outside and then on the newly refinished floor would have tiny pebbles wedged up in the grooves of the bottoms of their shoes that would mar and scuff the basketball court floor.

I sat back and said, “You’re joking right. Is there a hidden camera somewhere?” He wasn’t joking. So I passed along the rule to the players in the Stake church basketball league. They were not thrilled having to bring another pair of shoes with them.

A week or so later I was at the Stake Center when I heard a commotion going on in the cultural hall. I opened the door to see a Relief Society dinner/activity wrapping up. Tables and chairs were being dragged across the basketball court, women in high heels walking all around, kids running and sliding all over, etc. Right then I decided, “Fuck this extra pair of shoes bullshit”. So I told all the basketball players that I would no longer be enforcing the rule.

The Stake Prez was livid. I told him what I had seen with the Relief Society dinner. He didn’t care, but I told him I wasn’t going to enforce the shoe thing and if he felt so “inspired”…to go ahead and release me over it. He was pissed but ended up backing down. That was just one of several stupid encounters we had.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to...You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel"

(Mat. 23.13,24

My Stake President wouldn't let me become an elder at 18 because one time when he was vising my ward he saw me in the congregation wearing a light blue shirt and not a white one. He later told my dad that he felt that meant I didn't have a strong testimony.

I'm thinking he confused "strong testimony" with having a strong will. God damn non-conformist. How will you be an obedient sheep if you start thinking for yourself?

How about all those grey and yellow shirts passing for white? Are their testimonies flagging because their mothers don't know enough to wash the whites separate from the colors?

"So when are you and <withheld> getting married?" This question came after a brother in the ward sat next to me, uninvited, during one sacrament meeting. A close second to "craziest" were the two marriage proposals I got from guys at the end of the first date. There never was a second date for either of them.

For us, it was always hair.

For elders, that meant no mustache, no beard, always clean shaven.

All men in the ward was to adhere to this "clean shaven" rule, and it was repeated often.

A newly appointed High Priest Group Leader refused to shave and he was released within a month.

Same here. I was "called" to the EQ Presidency. Of course AFTER I accept, the Stake President comes into my house and tells me "When we serve the Lord, we get clean shaven just like the brethren". I cant believe this guy had the nerve to tell me that, in my own home, after I accepted the calling. What a c*nt. Right, doesn't the "Lord" have a beard?

I just moved into a new ward. I had to have an interview with a member of the bishopric to get my TR renewed. The councilor that interviewed me proceeded go on a diatribe about how much money he has in the bank ($500k), how he has two companies,and how much the bishop is worth(Millions-Lawyer). I couldn't believe what was going on. Just sign my little ticket into the House of Handshakes and shut up.

"The councilor that interviewed me proceeded go on a diatribe about how much money he has in the bank ($500k), how he has two companies,and how much the bishop is worth(Millions-Lawyer)."

Hmmm, how does that square with:

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Hail Odin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just moved into a new ward. I had to have an
> interview with a member of the bishopric to get my
> TR renewed. The councilor that interviewed me
> proceeded go on a diatribe about how much money he
> has in the bank ($500k), how he has two
> companies,and how much the bishop is
> worth(Millions-Lawyer). I couldn't believe what
> was going on. Just sign my little ticket into the
> House of Handshakes and shut up.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Who gives a f*ck how much money you have. You can't take it with you. Nothing like making "the common" guy feel like chicken shit.

-Dennis

The day I learned my "inspired" bishop wasn't.

After I divorced my newly out gay husband, I went to said bishop for counsel. Oh, I was trying so hard to understand how my eternal marriage in the temple had turned out to be such a sham. I asked him how I could get a temple divorce as I was so devastated by all of this I wanted nothing to do with ex and certainly didn't want to be "sealed" to him any longer.

Well, bishop looked at me and said "they don't do that anymore". "What?? Why not?" Because it will all be worked out in the eternities. After the shock of such a statement wore off, I asked him "So my ex will be turned straight in heaven?" Bishop started wringing his hands, stammering, not looking at me and finally said very quietly, "I don't know."

At that moment, I looked him in the eyes and said, "St---"(his first name), I am not coming back to get counsel from you again. Not only do you NOT have any answers for me,you don't even know the questions!"

My then fiancee repeated to me the complaint her mother, the Patriach's wife, had made to her: "He's getting darker, not lighter! You know what that means!!"

I'm Mexican Indian, it was August in Las Vegas, and I was working on a State of Nevada road crew...

You've got to be shitting me! I don't know why every time I hear something like this, I'm shocked. You'd think I'd get used to it by now!

... as he openly and unashamedly exposed racist Mormon teachings in an October 1960 General Conference address:

"The day of the Lamanites is nigh. For years they have been growing delightsome, and they are now becoming white and delightsome, as they were promised (2 Ne. 30:6). In this picture of the twenty Lamanite missionaries, fifteen of the twenty were as light as Anglos; five were darker but equally delightsome. The children in the home placement program in Utah are often lighter than their brothers and sisters in the hogans on the reservation.

"At one meeting a father and mother and their sixteen-year-old daughter were present, the little member girl—sixteen—sitting between the dark father and mother, and it was evident she was several shades lighter than her parents—on the same reservation, in the same hogan, subject to the same sun and wind and weather. There was the doctor in a Utah city who for two years had had an Indian boy in his home who stated that he was some shades lighter than the younger brother just coming into the program from the reservation. These young members of the Church are changing to whiteness and to delightsomeness. One white elder jokingly said that he and his companion were donating blood regularly to the hospital in the hope that the process might be accelerated."

http://scriptures.byu.edu/gettalk.php?ID=1091&era=yes

I thought "white and delightsome" meant something else though..... lol ;)

Mormon Boobies?

It still confuses me... here in this very small midwestern town, there are a lot of bigots. Many people, young and old,fly the Confederate battle flag. They also say disparaging things, including the N-word, about anyone who is dark-skinned.

So how come so many of these same bigotty people lie in the sun or go to tanning beds? They don't want to be white and delightsome (Is that even a word?)?

Craziest of all are these young boys, who hate African-Americans SO much-and will tell you alll about it- that they play their rap music, complete with the thumping subwoofers? They always made The StalkerDog™ bark- he hated hypocrites! How come they dress like them with their pants at half-mast and their baseball caps backwards, and even try to talk like rappers? Wee-yurd!

[Edited for typos]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2016 04:52AM by Doxi.

I agree, like middle class kids with a good education and prospects listening to gangster rap and pretending they understand what it is to be born into poverty on the wrong side of town and face discrimination with little prospects for future employment.

This is a view I have held since the early 1990s. I especially do not understand british kids doing this since we have a free national health service, our police are restricted in their actions, and there are many opportunities for the motivated to find work and/or improve education levels, plus a generous social welfare system.

To quote Morrissey "it says nothing to me about my life", nor does it say anything about theirs. Not trendy, not cool, just silly to see.

Hubby went in to talk to the bishop about some of his church concerns. Not really asking for help or answers, just wanted to vent.

The bishop had not read the essays, but he knew of some of the current issues. Bishop was polite and empathetic, but then the he said: "You're thinking too much!"

Ummm, yeah. Thinking is always the problem, isn't it?

Bishop gave a joint RS/PH lesson on chastity. He drew a pic of stick figures wearing garmies on the white board. Then he said that anything covered by garmies is a "no-touchie" zone -- even for married couples!

I was tempted to ask how he and his wife managed to have four kids while following that rule.

"We'll get you back."

After it was apparent I was having more than "doubts".

Cue in creepy music.

"Do you abuse yourself?"

After extending the calling to be the Young Men's President over an extremely rowdy group of kids....and a piss pour scouting program.

"It's not me calling you, it's him...". As he reaches over and grabs a bust of Jesus on his desk and turns it to face me. Long, long pause.

This was my first "light bulb" moment that made me think something was not quite right in Zion.

You should have said, "WTF...why would John Lennon call me to be a young men's prez..that doesn't make sense Bishop?"

I told this story at an ExMormon conference, so I'll just copy it here:

What really got me questioning the church's validity was our own negative personal experiences. To touch on a few---Carrie and I decided to get married civilly rather than in the temple, because she hadn't been a member for a year yet, so her non-Mormon family could attend, and then go get sealed four months later, after Carrie had been a member for a year. When we informed our bishop of our plans---now, this guy had spent four years at BYU and was a stake Institute director for eight years---he replied, and these are his exact words, which we will never forget: "I want to counsel you to not consummate your marriage until after you've been sealed in the temple, so that your children will be conceived in the covenant." (audience laughter.) Well, you know I've heard everybody else's crazy stories about their experiences with church leaders, and this was one of our biggies.

We were so taken aback that we couldn't come up with a response to that, so we just muttered something like "We'll think about it." What he thought we were supposed to do for the first four months of our marriage, I don't know. Read the Book of Mormon, I guess. (audience laughter)

Of course, I've since learned that the bishop's counsel was merely following Joseph Smith's "revelation on celestial marriage," which says that you weren't really married in the eyes of God until you were sealed in the temple "in the everlasting covenant." That incident gave us first-hand experience with the way some church leaders try to manipulate members' emotions and control the most intimate reaches of their private lives.

One ward member - one of those bizarre "sovereign citizen" types, tried to convince me that paying income tax is "voluntary" and that if I knew the secret words to get out of it, I would be able to. But then, he believed he needed secret words to get into the CK, so...

The other was when I worked for a tax attorney who also happened be a 1st Counselor in a neighboring ward. I complained to him about some of the procedures my tax team was using, as they were less than honest, and borderline-illegal. He replied, "Well, I GUESS you could call it fraud..."

People wonder who the people are that, despite all the evidence, will never leave the faith......

"I want to counsel you to not consummate your marriage until after you've been sealed in the temple, so that your children will be conceived in the covenant."

It's people like the guy that said that!

After a couple of years of being rather inactive, da bish asked me point-blank if I believe in God! I was taken aback, and simply responded with a Gallic shrug, no words. That's the last time I ever talked to the guy.

Gallic shrug___>>> http://davidplusworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/David-Gallic-Shrug-03.jpg



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2016 06:12PM by rationalist01.

A TBM woman who spoke as if she were certain she had a VIP pass to the CK confided in me that she and her husband were worried their daughter who had strayed would not be joining them there. I was saying to myself, holy fuck, lady, you presume a lot, don't you? And about her daughter I was thinking, you go girl!!...sin away and sin big!!

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2016 06:18PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

My son joined a scout troop run by a Methodist church, mainly because they actually did fun scout related things, and his friend was a member of that troop.

This caused all sorts of heartburn with the local leadership. Apparently having him in a NON-LDS troop was equated with apostacy.

So the day came that the LDS troop had an activity planned that he wanted to go to. We were told that he couldn't attend because "he wasn't covered by insurance"...

Obviously this was bull shit (he is a member of the church, and a registered Boy Scout) and we called them out. He got to go, but I think that really changed the way he saw LDSism after that.

BTW, he no longer considers himself LDS :D

To piggy-back off that. My sister (who is a tbm, but very supportive of me) told her in-laws that I was leaving the church. I went to my sister's, brother n laws mission homecoming a couple weeks after she told them. At the lunch after the service, her mother n law pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're going through some tough transitions. Please just make sure you think long and hard about this.....because we want you to be with us in the CK".

Let's just say I exhibited some superpower-like, lip-biting control.

You should have said, "Well, you can always come down to the lower kingdom and visit if you want..."

I was called into the bishops office after I had turned in my mission papers to go and serve a mission. The purpose that he called me in was that he had an important letter to read to me. I knew something was up because people got mission calls in the mail. My father seemed to know something about it and went with me.

I was told that I wouldn't be going on a mission because I was a liability to the church.

A liability? Health problems?

WHAT?!!? How did they mean "liability"?? Please enlighten us!!

I don't feel comfortable telling the whole story on this forum. So if you want feel free to contact admin for my contact info.

My father had written a letter and sent it along with my papers explaining that he thought I needed to be anti depressant medicated. He constantly lectured me that adam's genes had been deteriorating ever since the fall blah blah blah. That because he had depression and it ran in the family I needed to be medicated. I am sure I could rehearse it verbatim, but that would make me too identifiable.

It couldn't be that he and my step mom were overbearing oppressive overlords and I was an angsty teenager, who was forced to move 200 miles away half way through my senior year in high school. Among other things.

I must protect the church.

As a nevermo reading these reports, I can't imagine belonging to such a crazy cult.

I was 17, nearly 18. Met a girl at school, on the track team with me, who was cute and smart and sweet and kind. And Catholic. We liked each other.

Silly me, I invited her to come to a stake dance with me, about a month after we started going out. Had to explain the "dress standards" and all.
She went. Didn't think it was all that different from a school dance, other than the more formal clothes and the busybody chaperones making sure there was room for the holy ghost between the couples slow dancing. My mormon friends were predictably nice in that "let's try to convert her" way. That was Saturday night.

Sunday, the bishop spots me after Sunday School, and asks me to step into his office for a minute. Once there, he tells me that he heard I'd brought a Catholic girl to the Stake Dance the night before (yeah, somebody tattled). Asks me if she was going to convert to the church. "I doubt it," I say, "but we haven't discussed it."
"In that case," he says, "I have to advise you to stop dating her. Immediately."
"Um, what?" I stammer.
"Catholic girls will drag a priesthood holder straight to hell. She will entice you to do things you wouldn't normally do. They don't have our same standards. I have a very strong feeling about this, that if you stay with this girl, you won't be worthy to serve a mission or go to the temple. You need to stop seeing her right now."
I haven't got a clue what to say, I just stand there with my mouth open.
"She hasn't already dragged you into the pit of sexual immorality, has she?" he asks.
"No!" I said. (I mean, sure, we'd made out, and this bishop considered "french kissing" a horrific sin, and we'd done that, but other than a boob-bump or two, nothing else).
"Good," he continued. "This isn't a suggestion. You need to break it off right now."

I was young and stupid and TBM. I believed him. So the next Monday, I dumped her. And did so badly -- just said I couldn't see her anymore, without telling her why. She was heartbroken (so was I). Friends came up to me all day, asking me why I'd dumped her. Told them it was nothing she did, just something I had to do. None of them understood. Neither did I.

Craziest, stupidest, worst thing any mormon ever said to me.
And stupid me, I went along with it.
One of the few (and biggest) regrets of my life.

You should find her and tell her.

I have the same story as Ificouldhietokolob. Only, I had been in love with a handsome, kind, gentle atheist, since kindergarten. My entire family took the bishop's side against me, and my family quickly sent me off to BYU summer school.

That guy was my soul mate, and the love of my life. I obeyed my parents, and held out for a temple marriage to a Mormon Royalty RM, but he started beating me on our wedding day.

The atheist is the kindest, most loyal and noble man I ever knew. I never did love anyone as much as I loved him.

I feel that I didn't deserve his great love--if my own love was so weak that I put put him ahead of the cult and my parents.

Bishop said apologetically, "I don't really believe this stuff. I just do it for my wife."

One of my youth leaders told me that Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ were the same size.

Six feet one and 190 pounds, in case you were interested.

[facepalm]

There has been so many that it's hard to choose :D

Here's one from the temple ceremony. A lot of people always had trouble with the stupid robe, sash and bakers' hats. There's a tiny string that is real easy to knot up if it's not done with care. To speed up the session, temple workers are supposed to circulate and make sure patrons aren't taking too long. Well, one had helped me, my dad and another old man. By the time, we got to the veil to do the dumb handshakes at the veil; there was a giant commotion. Apparently, all three of us had the robe, sash and string tied to the wrong side! They even went looking for the old man and literally pulled him out of a comfy chair in the celestial room. They escorted him around the veil and this snotty brother came to speak to us. "We can not let any of you proceed any further today. YOU have managed to flub up the sacred ceremony to the point of no return. The work for the individuals will have to be done again on a later date. You will have to return to the dressing room without passing through the veil. If you have any questions, you can speak with Temple Prez (yada yada)."

My hard of hearing dad hated being addressed in such manner so he raised his voice to protest "We didn't do this on our own. We were helped by your people. Aren't they supposed to know what they're doing?" Dad was rather pissed and said some funny things in the locker room. He said to me "The next time I try to come here, remind me to go somewhere else!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2016 11:39PM by messygoop.

When my testimony was flagging a bit, "You're worthy to go to church. You're just not worthy to work for it." My poor non-member parents were shocked, because I'd been a member for 30 years.

"You either need to marry him or burn." This was said after confessing I wasn't sexually "clean" to my branch president.

In a talk in sacrament,"I know the church is true and that since I have been married in the temple, I have a real marriage. I feel sorry for those who aren't married in the temple because their marriage isn't really real"
In a meeting with one of the bishopric," is your husband ever going to get baptized? Because he has already had his chance and he knows this is the truth. But don't worry, you are a righteous woman and God will give you to a worthy priesthood holder in the ck"
Said by numerous people, " is your husband ever going to join the church? Well, you can always baptise him when he's dead," or " you know, if he makes you choose, you have to choose the church"

In relief society, " I am so glad I have my temple recommend that way I will be able to see Jesus when he returns. Make sure you are worthy to get your temple recommend so you too can see him when he returns" to which everyone around the room nods in agreement with blank smiles on their faces.

blindersoff Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel sorry for those
> who aren't married in the temple because their
> marriage isn't really real"

He should try saying that to my non-member parents who have been married for 65 1/2 years and still sit all cuddled up together to watch TV, and they never argue.

So many crazy-ass things that Bishops, et al have said to me and my family over 50 years:

From a fromer Bishop, but current high councilman to my TBM parents: "On one evening, while pondering the words of Joseph Smith from the D&C, I was sitting in my den, and rested to gaze my eyes at the wall, when suddenly in the easy chair next to me, Joseph Smith appeared. I was startled and honestly became afraid. He stared back at me, smiled, but then suddenly vanished. I was afraid, and I believe that's why he was unable to give his message to me."


From a Bishop (at the pulpit): "Brother and Sisterns, I admonish you to prepare...for rough financial times are a coming. The church cannot take care of all of us. Each of you should purchase chickens to learn how to care for and use as a food supply." (all of this ward lived in the city which ordinance out livestock in city limits - wtf?)

From a bishop: "yes I know that Joseph Smith practiced polygamy. You will be called to participate in this holy and sacred practice in the life to come. It may seem uncomfortable to you because you are in a culture that forbids it, but trust me, in the hereafter, the it is very comfortable in the culture of God."

From a Stake Pres: "Brigham Young was a rough and tough customer. He was a grizzly or frontiersman. True he may have rough a few feathers, with his with his threats of violence, but the Lord permitted him to do what he needed to do to keep the frontier in line. Look at how beautiful the temple is now. Brigham was a diamond in the rough."

That I would be one of the two witnesses who would be msrtyred in the streets of jerusalem.

That my mission call would be to Israel, and when it turned out to be to San Diego, that that was a preparatory mission to get me ready for my martyrdom.

Top thst!

Jeebus! That's some kind of high drama!

Good lord. Nope. Couldn't top that one.

Our bishop told my husband that our son couldn't possibly be on drugs because "he is always so well-groomed".

I was told by an asshat bishop in Mesa AZ: "I deal with adultry, beastiality, drug abuse, and it pains me each time I must go down in the pit and pull someone like you out"

I had been associating with an apostate (my cousins dad)and had asked the question "if God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, why was polygamy ok in the 1800s but not ok now?"
After a few more fun meetings I was excommunicated as an 18 year old virgin for sympathizing with polygamy. SP advised to challenge as the bishop was a known idiot. I ran away smiling instead.

I was told by church leadership to find a RM to marry ASAP. I was 17 years old and still in high school.

This was in an exit interview after a "mini-mission"... I don't recall who was doing the interview. Some self important guy who expected to be obeyed. I'm pretty sure he didn't like my response, which was to look at him like he had two heads.

Right after that, I had a patriarchal blessing done which said I should quit paying attention to my secular education and pay more attention to church teachings, which is the only knowledge that really matters.

Makes one almost think they want to keep their youth ignorant and married young, before they start thinking for themselves.

I guess they didn't get to me early enough, since all I felt was insulted, and blew them both off.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2016 01:31PM by fortheloveofhops.

F&T meeting: I'm so glad I'm a member of this church. We all know that the ONLY good people in this community are right here in this room. ~Heads nod in unison~
(This is in a branch far from SLC with ~40 in attendance)