Except say, "Hi"

Oh, there's lots more that God can't do:

Build a house, make a steel knife, assemble an automobile, print a book... the list is endless.

You created and image in my mind. If God could just put real life halos over people's heads, we would always know the good guys from the bad.

Or fund his own church.
Dispel confusion.
Confirm he is there.


God needs you! (the very elect)*

*mileage may vary

"... and he needs MONEY!!"
--George Carlin

"Can God devise a theological paradox so intractable that even
HE can't resolve it?"
--Sancho Panza, after a few beers

"I never should have promised to make him a king..."
--Don Quixote, watching Sancho Panza pounding brewskies

and yet does nothing.

Can he move a mountain? Does he have the faith of a mustard seed? Tell you what, if I go outside and see gawd move a mountain, I will be the first one through the church doors next Sunday morning.

*God is creating Rosie O'Donnell*

Angel: God, you can't just put a vagina on this man!

God (Drunkenly): I can do whatever I want, I'm God!

Love Family Guy

If I had a dollar for every time I prayed to God that He would do something about the toenail fungus on my right big toenail, I'd be on a South Pacific island right now sipping an adult beverage at the swim-up bar.

It's not like I have fungus on all ten of my toes. Just the one. But I like to wear sandals--we feet get really hot--and I gross everybody out with my toe funk.

You'd think Mr. Big Shot could take care of such a small request, but noooooooo. Apparently He's just too-too busy to attend to a mere toenail problem.

You'd think I'd get at least an email or IM or form letter in the mail from an underling--"Sorry but God's up to his eyeballs in wars and childhood cancer and trailer-tossing tornadoes so, good luck! All the best..."

Nothin'. His Mom must be so proud.

Hey, getbusy!

God answered your prayer years ago. You apparently did not get the memo to visit your local pharmacy and buy a tube of Lamasil cream.

Did you check your GodSpam folder for answers to your prayers?

Every day following your bath or shower, work a little dab of Lamasil over, around and under your toenail. It will take months to work, but eventually your toenail might heal and grow out looking healthy again.

It will also help to keep the nail trimmed close to the quick and file it down all over with a good diamond file. Nail files are kinda wimpy, so I like a diamond shop file better. This set from Harbor Freight is inexpensive. I use the second file from the left ... very nice curves just right for toe nail sculpting.

http://hfreviews.com/item.php?id=5837

My dermatologist prescribed a $200 compounded fungus med not covered by my insurance, so I decided to use OTC Lamasil ointment. I also became a member of the Diamond Frequent Filer Club.

It took about 2 years for my fubar toenail to look normal again. It had to regrow all the way out to fully replace the disfigured nail. It's pretty much good as new now.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=lamisil+cream+

This product looks promising, although I have not tried it. Homeopathics rarely work, in my experience, but it might be worth a shot.
http://www.emuaid.com/nail-fungus?gclid=Cj0KEQjw3s6-BRC3kKL_86XDvq4BEiQAAUqtZ7m67psbsTY6djwH1gphETTh7bWQSrwzOgPZKRvgVAwaAsy68P8HAQ



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/10/2016 10:29PM by beyondashadow.

And consequently he is so bored he's resorted to punking people-- like Abraham with that Isaac gag.

And poor Noah! If god were fair, marine mammals would have been included in the destruction of "every living thing".

And that choosing the plan between Satan and Jesus? COME ON DOWN! We'll choose you, Jesus, but Satan will be allowed to rage on the earth to make it harder for humans. And we'll only give the gospel to the tiniest sliver of humanity and who cares about anybody not born in America between 1815 and 2115 (when Mormonism will exist only in museums)

God loves him a test. It's very clear God is a talented prankster with a vicious dark side.

Kind of a Phil Spectre type.


Kathleen

At least that is what a lot of humans need/want/desire to believe.

can god create a rock so big that he cannot lift it ?

According to LDS theology, Elohim isn't omnipotent. He can't do anything that's outside pre-existing eternal law. Elohim is a god because he is perfectly obedient to those eternal laws. If he wasn't perfectly obedient he would cease to be a god. So he can't do just anything. He can only do the things that are allowed. Like finding car keys.

Elohim is more of a title than a name, and in many usages it is even plural.

http://www.letusreason.org/trin3.htm

This is yet another example of JS hearing random words, names, locations, sound bytes, you name it, as seed words and fodder for the many tall tales he didst spin forth from his creative, plagiaristic, pretzel-brain imagination and then canonize all the BS as the Fullness of the Restored Gospel.

The Gospel is certainly full of it, to be sure.

To be fair to JS, Elohim is probably misused all throughout the Bible, so we can give Joseph a mulligan on Elohim.

JS needs all the mulligans he can get.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2016 02:12AM by beyondashadow.

He can do anyting, so he decided to abandon Earth. He is a deadbeat asshole.