Since they had the Women's Conference yesterday!???

I say Monson abdicates.

Prediction Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I say Monson abdicates.


Wouldn't THAT be nice?

Prediction: Monson will look okay saying nothing. He'll still be technically alive come April, too.

Prediction: Satan as the internet's Great System Administrator will be topic #1.

Prediction: Sexuality and gender issues will largely disappear, for now.

Prediction: The church's continued expansion into places that couldn't care less and that return on average $13.97 a month in tithes will be celebrated.

I'm putting $40 on Monson showing but not speaking.

I'm predicting that the audience lights will go way dim during the sustaining part and no sound will be allowed from the masses, yet it will be noted that the vote was unanimous.

I'm predicting that this conference will offer the same message as last, and the one before that, and the one before that.

I'm predicting that the cameras will not show all of the empty chairs but we will hear reports of record attendance.

Of course, the morgies will all have morgasms as they hear the words of their prophets come from the pulpit in a sing-songy voice that puts most people to sleep.

The choir will sing slow boring songs, prayers will be repeated, restaurants will be filled between sessions, and Facebook will be flooded with words of praise. /gag

Only a fool would bet against you, Bro!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/25/2016 10:41PM by BYU Boner.

There is a good chance Monson won't even show up, he's looking pretty bad now. They will say he is "under the weather".

"I'm predicting that the audience lights will go way dim during the sustaining part and no sound will be allowed from the masses, yet it will be noted that the vote was unanimous."

The voting hasn't been unanimous for the last three conferences. They no longer say anything about the voting being unanimous. See the April conference report:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/the-sustaining-of-church-officers?lang=eng

Uchtdorf just said, "The vote has been noted." Then he said this at the end:

"President Monson, the voting has been noted. We invite those who opposed any of the proposals to contact their stake presidents."

I don't know why they even do the sustaining votes anymore. They've made it very clear that it's pointless.

ah, I remember hearing that now. I stand corrected and now I will go sit in the corner and listen to my transistor radio for an hour.

Monson would speak, but he'd have nothing to say because he couldn't remember any stories.

Mostly the same crap. Tithing, evil internet, Joe, with a sprinkle of jebus in there.

The weekend Godzilla comes to town.

Hey, my prediction's as good as any. I like it better too. ;o)

1) there should be something about "black lives matter" and how to be politically correct in the 21st century.

2) something about the wall, and the refugees

3) something about why the church tells people not to discriminate openly with lgbt in a "legal setting" but yet it's ok to discriminate in a "religious settings."

4) something about the 28 story office building being built downtown on 2nd south. and the 35 story building in Philly what it's for?

I predict that I will be too busy walking the dog, or trimming my toenails or cleaning my own household bathroom (rather than the local meetinghouse's) to watch Conference.

Yeah, would much rather scrub my own toilet than watch conference.

...that's the kind of conference broadcast I'll be watching next weekend.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2016 10:51AM by Mujun.

...I base my prediction on what's happened so far this season. Georgia squeaked by woeful Nicholls State 26-24, beat mediocre Missouri on a last-minute TD pass, and were demolished by Ole Miss 45-10. Georgia's offense is punchless and in disarray.

By contrast, Tennessee just scored 35 points on Florida's #1 ranked defense in the second half alone. Had Tennessee's receivers not dropped five passes in the first half, Florida would likely have never been in the game. Tennessee did that with 3 of their top 4 defenders out with injuries. Tennessee's players have tons of enthusiasm and everything to play for. That's why I look for a blowout.

All is well, all is well! --BYU carillon.

Jesus's men will be in there in suits preaching trickle down religion and quietly celebrating the new 24 story Skyscraper in SLC and the and most important pillar of the church - real estate development.

Preach the Gospel
Save the Dead
Perfect the Saints
Real Estate Development (It's a much stronger church now)

Boring, with a re-hash of past pronouncements thrown in.

Tons of hype, but very little of substance.

Frequent camera shots of minorities in attendance.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/26/2016 12:08AM by GNPE.

weekend at bernie's

"Na-na-na-na-na-Naah..." to begin and end his address:

https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/psychology-researcher-lesbian-blows-the-doors-off-born-gay-theory

The lifesitenews is really not news. It is a combination of political and religious extremism in my opinion. We will let this stand with that caveat.

Dr. Lisa Diamond, a researcher at the University of Utah, is frequently misquoted on her study. Her study on "not exclusively heterosexual" women shows that sexuality is fluid over time. That is not the same as changeable at will. The common thread for the women in her study was that they had a relationship that brought about a change for them. For these women their emotional attachment led to a change in the way their sexuality was expressed. It doesn't mean women can decide at some point to just switch. In googling this, I found a handful of other conservative sites using the same cherry-picked quotes. One site even said her study proved homosexuality in MEN was changeable, even though her study only included women.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/2008/11/12/lisa-diamond-narth-distorts-my-research/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_M._Diamond

This will make the news worldwide, and other church leaders will say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Some mention about suicide since they launched a suicide website, but no mention of gay suicides.

A story or two of a family member or friend leaving the church and how the speaker did everything they could to be an 'example' to them.

Temple marriage temple marriage temple marriage.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/26/2016 09:26AM by savagestarlight.

Two talks will touch on how Mormons were murdered for their faith in the past. Just for standing up for what they believe. That we're in an even more critical time where standing for what we believe is the only option.

Two talks on how being attacked by elitist intellectuals is a badge of honor.

Three talks will dance around the essays but for the 7th conference since the first essay debuted, no direct discussion about the essays' content or how that information is not really all that different from what you were taught all your life.

Mr. Mac will have a two pant suit sale.

Don't look to the internet for answers. Pray, fast and read your scriptures only trust those with priesthood authority. Satan's goal is to confuse you and instill doubts. Pay your tithing, attend all your meetings, only read church approved literature. And oh, something about some guy named Jesus, but that's not important. Hate, bigotry, ignorance, and follow the prophet will be items on the menu.

It will be an excellent remedy for insomnia.

Clive B. will be appointed Presiding Bishop, with his two sons, Captain Moroni and Whats-his-Face, as councilors. I mean, the man knows how to raise cattle cheaply.

Private TBMs will be "called" to post bail, so there won't be any out-of-pocket for LDS Inc. Brilliant.

Brother Of Jerry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Clive B. will be appointed Presiding Bishop, with
> his two sons, Captain Moroni and Whats-his-Face,
> as councilors. I mean, the man knows how to raise
> cattle cheaply.
>
> Private TBMs will be "called" to post bail, so
> there won't be any out-of-pocket for LDS Inc.
> Brilliant.

This is prophetic!

Geez--conference every SIX MONTHS! Even the Congress of the Communist Party in the Soviet Union only met once a year, and the Chinese only every 5....

My TBM mother encouraged me to watch the upcoming conference. She knows I resigned...WTF? I told her I would rather get a root canal.

Anyway, here is her prediction: One of the bigwigs, Oaks or Holland, I forget which, might talk about religious freedom and how it is being taken away in this country. It would be very important to pay attention to this, as our country is in dire shape.

LOL LOL LOL

There will be an announcement that the new church sponsored beverage be distributed by Deseret and available at all bishop's store houses. It will be called Mana and even though it looks, smells, brews like, and tastes like coffee, it won't ever be called coffee. It is MANA and will be referred to as Mana at all times. The Brethren have declared by revelation that our minds will be clearer if we have a morning cup of Mana before scripture study. Prayers will be more effective when powered by Mana. Urns of Mana will soon be available in the foyers of all church buildings and temples as a way of attracting the members who will soon "want" to come to church for some morning Mana to go along with their indoctrination.

Mana will only be available from bishop storehouses, distribution centers, Temple cafeterias, and special ward orders through Deseret channels. I new temple recommend question will address if the member is using only approved Deseret Mana and not regular heathen coffee. Home teachers will be instructed to look in pantries for the official Deseret brand. Mana makers will be called Mr. Mana and available through proper morg channels. Mana cookbooks will be compiled by Relief Society sisters. Oh the possibilities.

Freaking brilliant!!!!!!

Carl Sagan, followed by Homer Simpson.

then, Kate Kelly;

Closing remarks/talk by John Dehlin.

Elder Hoax will announce the new Temple Name Recycling Program including first disclosure of the new Revelation that those who died without the blessings of baptism will now be baptized for the dead in the temple, not one time, but now seventy times seven (490) times.

It will NOT be announced that this has nothing to do with the recent problem of genealogy not keeping up with temple attendance, which has resulted in temple names being reused several times per temple (with no disclosure to temple patrons). Names are then shipped off to other temples to be reused even more times.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=mormon%20temple%20names%20reused

Good News and Bad News:

Good News: Jesus has come again.

Bad News: He was alone at the time and lost his temple recommend as a result.

I predict a ton of dead leaves and twigs for their faux fall decor. Maybe they'll resort to fake cacti due to the drought.

If the women's conference is any sign of future messages; it will definitely be "We're not sorry if God offends the sinner." They haven't learned anything from pissing off families that are appalled at the morg's bigoted 1800s thinking. I expect them to thunder why the church is so right and 7.5 billions of people are wrong.

Eventually, I believe that they will try to get people to abstain from using the internet. Yeah, it's a nutty idea but they are losing too many cult members. They would either have to start producing miracles (impossible), get Jesus to show up (never get inside of conference due to his dress code violations) or force people to double-down on their blind obedience.

I'm sure the 193rd (or whatever it is) semi-MANuALL general coughrence will be just as boring and useless to the wierd world of mormon wonder and memory - and JUST AS FORGETFUL - as the 5th, the 39th or the 111th BSC (bull shot conference).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2016 06:39AM by moremany.

Perilous times...heterosexual marriage...stay in the boat.

much like the presidential debates, many words will be spoken with no real content...

one of the 12 will mess himself while trying to stand up. One of the 12 will stand to talk and then appear faint. One of the younger A%%Ki***rs will sprint to hold them up

Tommy will appear smiling a confused smile and wave to the adoring fans. He'll shuffle across the podium and promptly fall asleep in his chair. Only to startle himself awake with the gassious remains of his catered lunch.

utchdorf will note the dissenting votes. Erying will cry. Bednar will slight his wife. A few 70's from other countries will give their talk in their native language. the stepford 9 (women's organization leaders) will extol young women and girls about the virtues of aspiring to only bear children and be a mother... one of the stepford 9 will complain about clothing.

Has a GA ever expired on the dais at GC? Just wondering given that many of them are circling the drain.

RB

While the PH meetings are taking place, wives will be home making donuts; Donut shop owners & employees will be thinking WTF?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2016 11:38AM by GNPE.

I want to see one of them faint and then vomit on the Japanese Prime Minister. Or did that happen already? Anyway, I predict that "a good time will be had by all," and other such passive voice bullshit predictabilia. In fact, if Thomas Ass Monson speaks, which is unlikely, it will ALL be in passive voice: "Food was cooked, prayers were said,..." Uchtdorf will have a charming Continental accent. Scott will whine, and Eyring will cry. My wife says she likes it when he cries, and thinks that it's "manly." I really differ on that one. His crying is goddamned annoying, and comes off as an affectation. And why would any woman think it's manly?

Myron Donnerbalken Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I want to see one of them faint and then vomit on
> the Japanese Prime Minister. Or did that happen
> already? Anyway, I predict that "a good time will
> be had by all," and other such passive voice
> bullshit predictabilia. In fact, if Thomas Ass
> Monson speaks, which is unlikely, it will ALL be
> in passive voice: "Food was cooked, prayers were
> said,..." Uchtdorf will have a charming
> Continental accent. Scott will whine, and Eyring
> will cry. My wife says she likes it when he cries,
> and thinks that it's "manly." I really differ on
> that one. His crying is goddamned annoying, and
> comes off as an affectation. And why would any
> woman think it's manly?


Isn't Scott dead, though I suppose he could whine from the other side of the veil?

God, who knows? Do you keep track?

They will say the the world is coming apart because people no longer listen to the missionaries. They listen to Google, and are therefore nothing more than warped, misguided minions of Stan. Have no fear! The old men have a solution.

They will announce the new computer software that every mormon parent must buy. If not, their ability to get a temple recommend could be compromised. Anyone who professes to be a good mormon will have this program installed right away. It will protect mormons from the evil world.

There will be a talk about how slutty the women are in their outfits that are acceptable to the world, but not the old men sitting on the stand.

Next on the emotional abuse list will be the teenagers. First they will be told how amazing they are. Then they will be told how wicked they are. Especially if they're dabbling in anything to do with sex or unguarded computers.

One of the old guys will get up and tell stories of his youth. None of it will relate to anything.He just likes to talk about himself.

There will be songs of praise to some dead guy, there will also be songs that seem like practice songs for the funerals that are obviously not to far in the future.

People will leave feeling empty and unfed. They will say just the opposite though. They will be all aglow.

The Ensign writers will get busy on censoring and getting rid of anything that may have made sense or smacked of truth.And that will be the end of another glorious conference session in Utah.

You captured the ESSENCE beautifully, madalice. Most insightful and eloquent.

The Brethren could take turns projectile vomiting all over the first three rows, and the members would STILL fb each other about what an inspiring conference it was ... AGAIN!

Years ago I pixel-smithed a photo of the Conference Center and changed the stone-carved name on the building to:

Gordon's Boratorium

(The debate last night wasn't much better, but by damn, it WAS better!)

there will be plenty of commercials for the latest book at Deseret Book.

Hindered and bumbled numbers of neurotic nimwits will COME to say - and thousands will GO [away aloof, confused, disturbed, messed-up, lost and/ or dissatisfied] WTF: (WHAT'S THIS FOR, Who's This Freak/ Fart, Why This Frown, When's This Finished!...)?

How about Julianne Hough doing one of her NSFW dances.

That would get the Prophets to Rise Up, O Men of God....

TSM will stand up and channel BKP and announce the all new official website:

www.mormonporn.com

The site features photos of females with provacatively short sleeves on their tops, and skirts that are 1/2 inch above the knee.

For the gay members, there is a General Authority calendar.

I am sure this debauched RfM crowd can come up with additional mormonporn temptations without number, ad nauseam.

I've heard from a friend of mine who knows the grandchild of a general authority that a receptionist in the church office building was told the three hour block would be reduced to two hours beginning in January. Sacrament meeting will be reduced to an hour and Sunday School and Priesthood/Relief Society will be held every other Sunday. Relief Society and Priesthood would be combined so the women understand they are as important as men in the Lord's work. Only men will be allowed to teach the class.

They should do this. There are tons of people that leave right after SM anyway. This would be a great idea because you would only hear those horrid lessons that you've already heard hundreds of times, half as much.

If they do this, there will be a lot of mormons breathing a huge sigh of relief.

When the meateatings used to be held twice a day many people wouldn't come back Sunday evening for the second church forced gathering for the day.

Then they were combined, with meetings first and sac me last. Many wouldn't show up until AN HOUR OR TWO LATE.

Now they have it first, so decent, creative, busy and/ or bored folks can leave whenever they want.

New revelation. Tithing will now be 12%. The Lord really likes the number 12.

God has revealed to Us (GAs) that the Blessings of the PH are to be immediately extended-granted to ...


somebody, but we're not sure who!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2016 05:06PM by GNPE.