Posted by:
iris
(
)
Date: October 25, 2016 07:26PM
A post I've saved and read frequently.
From imworkinonit from RfM 3/13/13
It's wrong. You should always forgive, or you have a problem, and you have committed the bigger sin.
Okay, I really don't believe what I just wrote. But I used to. And there are obviously a lot of religious people who operate under the assumption that anger is wrong. In the case of a controlling religion (like Mormonism), who benefits when the members are taught to be meek, submissive, and suppress natural reactions to mistreatment? Isn't it typical when the controller in a relationship gets to rewrite expectations for behavior in a way that benefits THEM, and that they don't want to be held accountable for their actions?
Is it actually BAD to be angry or upset when mistreated? Or is it a natural reaction?
Of COURSE the church would rather have people leave quietly, rather than rage about the things they put up with in the church. So they do a preemptive strike. In church, they discredit people who leave the church. They accuse them generally of being bitter, angry, and wanting to sin. And true believers sit there and listen to this stuff their whole life, and think "I never want to be like THEM." And then when people leave, they gossip about them, they speculate about what sin they committed, they pester them in their homes. Sometimes they shower them or their CHILDREN with notes, calls, gifts. They shun them. Sometimes they even threaten them with damnation and predict bad things happening in their lives. But they usually don't listen to them or respect them as individuals who have a legitimate reason to believe differently.
And many people, after they leave, STILL operate under the assumption that it's bad to criticize the church or feel negatively toward it, because they desperately don't want to fit the profile of someone who is "angry and bitter".
When people come here to the board, many have lost their friends, their standing in the community, and sometimes lost relationships with their parents, siblings, or even spouses and children. All because they discovered the truth and the Mormons assumed that the "apostate" is now a horrible person. Is that NOT upsetting? Would a normal person be okay with that? And who are you to decide when they should let it go?
I see your focus on their negativity. Why doesn't it bother you MORE that they were mistreated? Where is your outrage about that?
I was trained to be submissive and pleasant, no matter what. I put up with some things that were ridiculous. I was a doormat. Sometimes anger was the only thing that could get me to say NO, when I was tired of being taken advantage of.
Learning to experience anger, instead of suppress it, opened up a wider range of emotions--including positive ones-- for me. It also gave me the resolve to take back control of my own life and set boundaries with people.
That anger stage didn't last all that long for me. But when I hear about people being mistreated, I DO get angry. Sometimes outrage is a normal response.
Your discomfort in hearing about unpleasantness and anger is nothing compared to going through it.
But I can understand why you might not want to hear about it anymore. It's just like people who might not want to watch the news anymore. Hearing about disasters and crime doesn't lift you, and it doesn't help him.
But here's the difference: Here you can give support and validation to people who are suffering, even if you are not. But if, instead, you tell people to stop complaining, you are doing the opposite. It's like telling someone to "smile" so they'll feel better.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2016 07:27PM by iris.