Posted by:
Pariah
(
)
Date: January 08, 2017 03:41PM
I disagree with T-bone and others who say that Mormons are nice people, as a group.
Hey, I was once one of them!!
I was taught in Primary to play only with Mormon kids, but my mother was too busy with church work and bridge club, and luncheon clubs to drive me to the Mormons' homes, so I was allowed to play with the kids in the neighborhood--but not with the Jewish kids (their father was the Rabbi) and not with the Black kids.
In Young Women we were taught all about dating and marriage--long before my friends and I were remotely interested in all of that--we were still playing with dolls, and climbing trees. I was relentlessly indoctrinated to NEVER DATE ANYONE WHO IS NOT MORMON. And I didn't! Two of my best little playmate friends grew up to be wonderful, handsome, brilliant young men, and I fell in love with both of them, in succession--but they were atheists, so I couldn't marry either one. In YW we were taught to date only boys who could become prospective husbands--returned missionaries, who would take us to the temple. I paid the price for shunning two people I loved!
Sorry for the ramble--but a lot of us ex-mormons know about shunning, because we were taught all those lessons.
I had a last interview for my last temple recommend, so I could see my daughter get married in the temple. I was asked the standard question: "Do you associate with any apostates or apostate groups?" I had the bishop repeat the question. I thought about my own children, who were questioning the cult, and becoming inactive. I thought about my ex-Mormon work colleagues, and how a group of us had become best friends. "No," I lied. I realized that God was somewhere else, and that no one in Heaven would judge me for wanting to be at my daughter's wedding.
Old-time active Mormons in my neighborhood don't even acknowledge my presence. Like Eric K says, "It is as if I do not exist." This is abusive, and really, really hurts. These Mormons used to be my friends! I took them meals when they were sick. Our children played together.
It wasn't anything I did. My children were good examples to the Mormon kids. They were friendly, moral and honest, good students, successful, and a lot of fun. My daughter, who is a TBM now, never took a drink, never rebelled, but she was snubbed because she chose to take art classes, instead of Seminary. That ruined her social life! (She's a professional graphic designer and illustrator, now.) I was a good example, too. I didn't run around trying to find another husband--I was too busy working to support my family.
I used to question myself all the time. What did I do to make everyone hate me? I left very quietly, yet men came to my house in groups of two and three to threaten and harass me. My best Mormon friend asked, "What did we do to you to offend you so much that you would leave the church?"
Nothing stopped the shunning. Nothing changed their mind about me. My house looks pretty, my yard is well-kept, I make more money than most of them, I look respectable, our family are mature, conservative, quiet--why do they hate us?
OP, Tommy, I think you have the right attitude! I was a coward when I left. The Mormons frightened me with their threats, and I shut right up--like I'd been threatened by the Mafia, or something. I didn't want to ruin things for my children. I wanted to stay friends with my Mormon neighbors, so I didn't argue or debate. Instead of standing up for the Truth, I evaded the subject, and never told them why I resigned.
Now, I have a TBM daughter and grandchildren being raised in the cult, and Mormon in-laws--and I have to dance around the cult, still--for the rest of my life. (So grateful for RFM)
God! I would like to rebel, and scream the Truth to all those nasty, self-righteous liars.