Posted by:
whoa
(
)
Date: January 15, 2017 11:42AM
azsteve Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The police and the courts will keep you safe
> physically.
Wow. This is pure fantasy. The courts have a very poor record of "protective" orders being able to stop a spouse from killing the other spouse. Ask any of thousands of the dead spouses if this is true.
I don't judge the OP for any issues of
> sex outside of marriage or wanting to get away
> from an abusive relationship. But you have to be
> honest with the people in your life. Every day you
> choose to stay with your husband if he really is
> abusive, you give him permission to abuse you.
OMG. You are so uninformed. You approach this from a position of rational behavior. You have no idea what you are writing about. You have never been physically abused as the physically weaker party? Trapped as a victim? Imprisoned against your will by a more powerful person? Mormonism teaches us that we do what is neccessary to survive. How did you survive? Did you comply with the jailer until you THOUGHT your way free, or did you go physically toe-to-toe with him?
>
> Tell him the full truth right away. Don't let him
> intimidate you. You have more power over him than
> he has over you.
This is a perfect way for an abused wife to get killed, but you think her "right" to speak the truth will "force" him not find and beat the shit out of her?
You are likely to get the house
> and the kids while he pays you alimony and child
> support if he is the person you say he is. If he
> breaks things, you can have him arrested within
> minutes.
LMAO. You must not read much news. You are also assuming that she will have the time to dial 911, and wait for the police to arrive. Or that she will never have to leave the house, or maybe her windows are not made of glass, or that he would not harm the children to hurt her.
The judge will immediately issue a
> temporary restraining order to keep him away from
> the house until the courts can make a more
> permanent decision that will keep you safe and the
> kids provided for.
...because he has proven he respects the sanctity of his vows in battering his wife? Kids are always aware and usually witness, often also abused? Or maybe you think he will obey court orders because he has already shown so much respect for our laws?
> But no.... you're a victem. That gives you
> permission to lie and cheat yourself (Really?).
> You do not have a right to keep your relationship
> with your lover private from your husband. I don't
> care if you call me toxic.
You are being not only toxic, but offering dangerous advice to a survivor, or someone who is in the process of freeing herself from abuse.
My posts all strive to
> keep people honest. If that is toxic, than so be
> it. I am honest with my world and with myself. The
> church teaches people to lie and sneak around. No
> one on this board should support that.
You write from a position of physical security. Why not walk into a prison full of spouse killers, and tell them that it wasn't their fault that they murdered? Spend a little time on "the yard," where you won't be the largest, strongest person with an opinion. Better yet, see how killers respect "your opinion" in the showers. See if you can get "the truth" of their crimes out of them. Her husband has already broken laws, likely on multiple occasions. I hope you are not on his jury, because she "chose" to be abused.
>
> You mention "... if he were a normal man...". No
> matter how bad he is... let's assume that he
> really is a bad guy here..., your moral compass
> should not be based on what he does. Take care of
> business first.
That is exactly what she is doing. The first time he struck her, he sacrificed his "husband" card, broke his vows, became unfaithful, broke fidelity.
You are uninformed and are being willfully ignorant of the conditions in a physically abusive domestic environment. You could read up on the subject, but no, you want to project YOUR victimization onto her abusive husband. You *really* have no idea how dangerous your suggestions are. Did you completely miss the "physical abuse" in the OP? Your idealized "truth conversation" that you insist that she have with her abuser would likely result in her being maimed or killed. It also puts the kids at great risk.
Find love later. Otherwise you can
> expect to find yourself in an endless loop of
> different lovers, all of which have abused you
> (whether real or imagined abuse), and all of which
> you have lied to about your other lovers. That's
> no way to live.
Look. I understand why you are hypersensitive to cheating and lying spouses, but you are approaching this "cheat" as a man who would never physically harm a woman. Think criminal behavior. What happened to you was criminal. What the OP is going through is criminal, but you don't seem to realize that her fighting this battle in the same forthright manner that you fought yours could get her and her kids killed.
The police arrive after the crime is committed. They don't - can't - stand guard to prevent it. Escaping an abusive spouse is escaping the abuser's prison. It takes cunning, planning and bravery.
You are being abusive to a survivor of domestic abuse, and I hope you are able to objectify her (and your) different situations, because I LOVE your honesty. I love the way you can deconstruct a web. This one? You are way off the mark.
IMHO, the OP is using the strength of the lover in a selfish manner(1) to gain her freedom. Her kids will escape an abusive household, but what of his? They may have jumped the gun a bit on the sex, and it's my bet that they might privately agree. However, there has been many an *emotionally and financially* (even some physically) abused husband threads on this board, and victims of abuse deserve to judge and make for themselves a path to recovery. Emotional, and even physical support, can be required to regain strength and resorces, long shredded by the abuser.
(1) The lover, and his family, can become targets of a physically abusive spouse. OP needs to consider this. No such thing as "secret" in this day and age.