One of the most damaging things about my upbringing in the church was the near compulsion to frame my sense of self around the expectations of the organization. I spent too many years trying to be a good member, and wondering why, in spite of all I was doing, I wasn't the happy Mormon that I was promised that I would be. It wasn't until I learned to internalize my sense of self, instead of letting others tell me who I needed to be that I found any sense of satisfaction in my life. Anyway, I came across this:

http://eachdayisanadventurelewis.blogspot.com

And it made me sad. I may be projecting, but as I read through this I could sense the yearning for authenticity in her writing, and the forlorn resignation that a complete life would never be possible.

I don't know this couple, but I met them many years ago. They seemed like great people. I wish them all the best in their struggles forward.

There is a longing, between the lines, I think. She has certainly written very extensively about it.

Growing up as a gay Mormon, I always took it in stride that I would marry a woman. That's what God wanted. My classmates at BYU applauded me for my resoluteness and cheerfulness in the face of "adversity". In reality, I was depressed and lonely to the point of fasting nearly every week in supplication for just one close friend I could confide in.

When asked to bear my testimony on the spot, I dutifully mustered up the proper emotions and did my best to recall recent spiritual events, which even then I probably knew were just minor coincidences.

The Church produces excellent liars and horrifically disingenuous people because many members learn to lie to themselves and everyone around them just to stay in.

The Church leaders know this all too well. On multiple occasions, apostles have instructed members who do not have a testimony to gain one by... bearing their testimony. You simply cannot get more disingenuous than that.

鍾益飛 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Church produces excellent liars and
> horrifically disingenuous people because many
> members learn to lie to themselves and everyone
> around them just to stay in.
>
Sigh. This is so true. I hate that it's true but it is anyway.

And maybe the members who are bothered by their own hypocrisy act so bizarre as a result. Some make it out, some keep doing the weirdoness.

It's strange because lots of Christian type gods, saints railed against lying, hypocrisy. ???