Buddhists probably I liked their philosophy that we are born sinners I just think there would be less bullshit with them in my mind

The Anglican Church (Church of England). I attended there as a child and liked it. My parents were married in that church. I've attended funerals at that church and I like the atmosphere.

There would be no point, as I wouldn't believe any of it, but if I had to attend a church for some weird reason, I could be happy there.

Pastafarian

Because they're essentially atheist.

I'll never join another church or go to a regular church service of my own volition. I detest church services. I endure funerals because of the respect I have for the deceased.

Unitarian Universalists. I could still be an atheist if I joined.

UU is often called the church for atheists with children.

RCC, I reckon. No real expectations of showing up consistently and it'd be easy to just blend in and not make waves.

Dudeism. Because it's not "really" a religion and they take it easy, something that real churches could learn a thing or two about.

I'm an official minister of the Church of the Latter-day Dude. Also of the Universal Life Church.

It would depend entirely upon the specifics of "had to;" are atheistic churches allowed? Would I be living under a theocracy, so I basically have to choose a specific religion or face persecution? Or is someone putting a gun to my head and giving me a choice of church or death? Because in that latter case I'd say pull the trigger.

Hypothetically speaking, I'd probably join a branch of Satanism like The Satanic Temple. They're wholly atheist but use Satan as a symbol for individualism and free thought. I'd rather fight against brainwashing and indoctrination than passively support it.

I would just start my own church so that I could be the prophet and get all the women.

Sounds like a disaster. Where do I sign up?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/08/2017 09:22PM by Cpete.

I don't have to, so I won't :)

If I had to attend? You mean a gun to my head kind of "had to attend"?

It'd be the LDS Church hands down! Now that I see it through the lens of atheist eyes, the shit that Mormon's do, say, and believe is some pretty high comedy. It is without a doubt one of the world's dumber religions.

That's actually a good point. I'm changing my answer to LDS.

A non-temple recommend holding, non-tithe paying, non-calling having, question-asking member. That sounds like a lot of fun, actually.

I joined a UU church because a) atheists are welcome, as is everyone else, b) there is NO dogma, nothing you have to say you believe, and c) primarily because of their RE program, where kids of all ages are taught to think for themselves. They are taught about the world's religions (and celebrate many various religious holidays--Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Dwali, etc.), taught what those religions believe, but never ever told "this is true or this is right." Except for the 7 UU principles, which boil down to: everyone is worthy of love and respect, be kind to animals, be kind to the earth, recycle, trust your conscience, stand up for others, etc. Oh, and by the way, UUs are VERY open to the LGBTQ community, which is important to my family, as two of my grandkids are trans(very recently out), and open only to their friends, and at our UU church. Not at their workplaces yet. That alone should tell you how much they trust the people there. We're also really big in social justice stuff.

The reason I went there to begin with was because my grandkids were living next door to an Evangelical Christian family, and the girl in that family was telling my granddaughter that she was going to hell for reading Harry Potter books. My granddaughter had not heard of this "Hell" before and was worried. I told my daughter we needed to get the kids some religious education so they wouldn't be susceptible to that kind of terror tactic, or to members of cults who come knocking on your door and promising you happiness if you only join them, and she said, "If you want to take them someplace like the UU church, go ahead--I will personally never set foot in a church again." So--I started driving 60 miles each way every Saturday to bring them to my house, keep them overnight, take them to the UU church in the morning, and then 60 miles back to their house. But it worked. And in the process, we all became UUs. About half our congregation is atheist--the others are a mixture of Buddhist, liberal Christian, Hindu, Wiccan, agnostic, humanist, etc. We like it.
:)

I attended UU for a few years, and I liked it. Good Summary. But then I decided I wanted my Sundays free.

I like some Buddhist ideas, too.

UU was one of the first churches I went to with my children upon our leaving Mormonism during the 90's.

It was while at UU I realized I was still a Christian, with its wide diversity on teachings.

So I happily left there for Christian denominations that was anywhere but LDS.

It was a good learning experience for me to have gained that understanding and insight on what I believed post-Mormonism.

http://thechurchofbeer.com/

Even though I'm more of a Whiskey Sour man myself.

Baptist. Just because I really love gospel choirs. And their meetings are so high energy. I wouldn't believe or agree with much of what they preach, but it's highly entertaining, and that's the only way I'd like church.

Had to? BOB

J. R. Bob Dobbs, and the church of the subgenious -
http://www.subgenius.com

Slacking...

Or maybe "The Church of Stop Shopping", with Reverend Billy. http://www.revbilly.com nice choir

If it's not my own religion I create then maybe one where free love is a doctrine. If not that, then Buddhism. If not that, then the UU Church

I would never join a church because I "had to".

I would join "The Church of It's Nunna Ur Damn Beezwax Wat I Do"

My own mind is my own church.(Heavily borrowed from Thomas Paine)

First I would need to know why I "had" to join and attend a church. You don't present a reason, or what the conditions are on the requirement, so you're not going to get good answers.

Any vintage-stone church that is under a canopy of trees that meets for a few minutes Sunday morning after which they meet for coffee.

Unitarians!! Secular buddhism is great too. The salt lake unitarians are wonderful. Unfortunately I can't go as often as I'd like because I still schlep my reluctant self to no church to appease family.

I mean mo church, not no church. Got a lil freudian.

I would attend if

(a) the church was within walking distance. I like to walk places.

(b) they have an active social justice and charity program--soup kitchen, food pantry, elderly visiting/shopping assistance etc., voter registration, community organizing/lobbying etc.

I'm amazed that no one's mentioned the United Church of Bacon.

http://unitedchurchofbacon.org/

I love old stone churches. I used to go to a mormon one when I was young. The mormons have done much to destroy it by sterilizing its looks. It used to have beautiful arched wooded doors in front, and stained glass windows. The steps were stone. They've pretty much ruined it. It was where I was baptized in the 1950's.https://www.google.com/search?q=portland+mormon+church+harrison+stake+center&client=safari&rls=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwitlL7D_oHSAhVV5WMKHej_CC4Q_AUICigD&biw=1280&bih=762#imgrc=KnAehcdbkQhjpM:

That is a beautiful work of architecture! Not one of the standard Mormon fare types of buildings by any stretch of the imagination.

I bet the Morg bought that off from another church who was selling it when it did.

It's a shame it removed the original doors and stained glass windows that made it more beautiful.

:(

Church of the Poison Mind

I love the UU church. Their acceptance, social activism, the inspiration I get to be a better person, but I really like my bed on Sunday mornings too. Tough decision.

This is a question that simply does not make sense.

But, if absolutely pushed, when it comes to worship ... I could worship at the feet of Ellen Ripley's boot-clad feet ;)

I'd join (or start) "The First Church of 'Whatever.'"

The one with the good wine.

thingsithink... waiting for you! Where would your attend you quiet atheist lurker you? Nah, just wondering? It's a question you pose but don't answer yourself.

Which one?

If anybody tried forcing me to join a religion, first thing I'd do is become their worst fucking nightmare, along with every other emancipated slave.

Catholic Church , my ancestral roots are all Irish
Catholic.

Even if they can be flaky, I would join a pagan coven again, if I had no choice. They know how to have a good time, being sky-clad and all that. Or the Church of Satan, considering they're just a bunch of atheist agent provocateurs that enjoy shining a light on religious hypocrisy. That's always an entertaining way to spend an afternoon.

I considered the Jains for awhile because they are anti-killing (ahimsa.) Not that there are any Jains around where I live.

But they do go a little over the top with the broom to sweep the bugs away and masks over their faces. Still, I could deal.

However the kiss of death is the no attachment idea that is so over the top with not even being attached to your clothes or hair (have to pluck it all out when you become a nun or monk.)

And I realize all religion is so utterly stupid, I don't want to be a Jain.

Also don't want to be a UU because they are WAY too respectful of other religions which I consider totally stupid and delusional. And I think the UU are a little too much into the name dropping with their Henry-David-Thoreauing all over the place.