Do TBMs actually stay virgins until their wedding night anymore? Were you a virgin on your wedding night as a TBM? Only 1 out of the 7 kids in my family was a virgin on the wedding night. We were all born in the 70's and 80's. I even have suspicion that my parents weren't virgins till marriage. They were 25 and 27 when they got temple married in 1976 (not exactly 'young' to be getting married in Mormon world). If they weren't virgins they would take that info to the grave, though. They like to pretend to be without flaw. Not that I think losing your virginity before marriage is a flaw, but it is the greatest sin in their minds.

Probably a lot the way I hear and read how they are all afraid of sex but I could be wrong.

We were both virgins when we were templified and the night we did it for the first time was a disaster. Neither of us knew what or how and I had to ask her if it was in. She said, "I think so" so after a few awkward pushes it was all over. I remember laying there thinking what a disappointment that was. It took a while before we figger'd it out but we eventually got very good at it.

Thats what I imagined happened for most mormons.

I was a virgin when I was married in the Temple. I found out 14 years later in my divorce that my wife did give a few blow jobs to her boyfriends before we met.

Waiting until marriage to have sex was one of the stupidest decisions I ever made. It set me up to marry this woman who I didn't really know that well who turned out to be mentally disturbed. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a year into our marriage.

My kids are not virgins and they are not married. I'm proud of them. When/if they decide to settle down it will be for the right reasons.

Praydude,

I've shared my story before and you've offered your support. But our experiences are similar. My wife had had a lot of lovers before we got together, which I didn't mind. Besides, I had a strong spiritual experience saying she was the one for me.

We did not have full-on sex before marriage, so there was no way for me to know that she had some profound problems--sex within a committed relationship was really, really difficult for her. Premarital sex would have revealed those challenges before we got hitched and have allowed me a way out--assuming, of course, that I was wise enough to discount the spiritual experience. . . which. . . I may well not have been.

Anyway what ended up happening was that there was serious sexual dysfunction in our marriage, which a number of docs misdiagnosed but which a family therapist figured out in a single session. He sent her to individual therapy and through that process the sexual problem went away in about a year. Meanwhile, however, at that diagnosis session the therapist also turned to me and said, "things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get any better."

What he knew was that she was a borderline and the sexual issue was a reasonably common symptom of that underlying illness. He was saying that my wife's sexuality would return as she got in touch with some of the emotions lingering from her childhood but that the result would be pretty terrible. He did not use the word "borderline," but two personal therapists and one couples therapist later diagnosed her that way. '

So we went from a sexless marriage with occasional bouts of manipulation and fury to one in which sex was possible and sometimes occurred but the bursts of rage came every few days and were very destructive. Therapists couldn't really help because she would go to one, tell her stories for months or a year or two, and then, when the therapist figured out what was going on, drop that therapist and start over. That protected her from having to deal with the real causes of her fury and violence but it close prevented us from getting close emotionally.

So yes, I wish that with her and with others I had had a normal sexual relationship before marriage. I also wish that I had been smart enough to ignore any stupid spiritual feelings in the face of sexual problems. The body knows. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy go hand in hand. The body needs to be trusted.

I would say over 50% of active TBM's.

..and for those poor fools who confess and have to go through church discipline protocol - they become the entertainment and fodder for many a bishopric and Stake councils. Those F*****'s live for that stuff. It's there porn AND I do believe they get a cheap thrill out of it.

Or would lie about it.

I was. I wish I hadn't though because I wouldn't have bothered marrying the idiot I married. It's hard to think straight while horny

I hear ya. And I'd imagine a good percentage of those of us who were virgins went to their wedding feeling all guilty because they never confessed all the stuff they did short of intercourse. Gawd, I hate that I spent the best part of my pre-adult years feeling guilty for one thing or another which was basically just feeling guilty for being a normal red-blooded American kid. So we rush to get married in our early 20s or before just to assuage the guilt.

Perhaps the Mormons got it right, however. A virgin marriage has a 90% chance of perpetuating beyond the ten-year mark. Look at this chart and see the chances for a successful ten-year marriage drop with each subsequent sexual partner prior to marriage:

http://socialpathology.blogspot.ca/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html

For many people, the odds were stacked against them going into marriage and they didn't even know it.

paisley, that's good info...but I'd take it with a grain of salt.
Simply because a marriage "lasting" beyond the 10-year mark doesn't mean it's a "good" or "happy" or "fulfilling" marriage.

In fact, given that those more likely to be virgins at marriage are also more likely to be religious, and in a religious community that puts serious peer pressure against divorce, the fact that such couples are more likely to stay married only means they're more likely to stay married. Not that they stay married because they're happy in their marriage.

Finally, while divorce certainly has more than its fair share of downsides (especially if kids are involved), it's not always a bad thing. It's often a very GOOD thing for a couple who are desperately unhappy to divorce and move on.

My overall point: let's be careful not to define a marriage as a "success" ONLY if it's long-lasting. There are plenty of long-lasting marriages where people are absolutely miserable.

I wouldn't call myself absolutely miserable, but Gawd this marriage is a mess. Thirty three years and yes we were virgins until the temple ceremony. Well I was. I later learned how adept at lying he was when the questions were none of their business. I told him I didn't want to know any of his pre-me history as long as he wasn't lying to me now.

The kids always suffer with divorce, even adults, even if there are perfectly understandable reasons. My baby is 27 and every time I think I'm done, I cannot do it to her.

So if you've had 16 sexual partners, keep going to make it 21. You'll have better odds of beating the divorce rate according to the chart.

I, the former Mormon in the family, wasn't but my Roman Catholic wife was.

Nobody ever asked me, and I never told. I would have told them it was none of their business. That also goes for the person I married.

My ex obviously was not. My sister, the only other temple married sibling, was a virgin. I am absolutely positive my parents were virgins.

Most people test drive a car before the buy it now-a-days. I think its healthy. I would hate to be married to someone to ashamed of their bodies/sexuality to not be able to work out the kinks.

I was not a virgin when i first went to the emple nor did I stop in between taking endowments and getting married a few weeks later