Just curious. Its exhausting just to think about asking a Mormon family member for help again while I get another surgery. I never knew how stingy Mormons were while I was doing well and didn't need help but now my eyes are open now that I'm kinda at the mercy of life events. Now I have this view that everyone is stingy and maybe I'm right haven't been proven wrong yet I can't even pay rent with disability is this why war veterans have to ask for money on the corner I think it is. ill figure out something but I'm not going to get squeezed onto the streets by the mormons without a fight.

Me.

Money is the "God" of this society. Made up numbers that people worship, and have faith in. Think about it, on the dollar bill it says "in God we trust". God is worshipped above all else, make no mistake.

Guess who doesn't get criticized openly? Central Banking.

“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” -Voltaire

I'd say I was pretty stingy when I was paying tithing. There's no room for real charity when every bit of would-be disposable income is going to TSCC.

I think times are bad for everyone.

I help my kids when I can but I am stretched to the max and had to turn them down recently. I ended up helping them select some items to sell and brokered a deal for them.

I recently told another child I would not pay for braces nor new clothes for the kids. She looked like a whipped puppy.

She felt she was entitled to an equal amount of money that I helped my son with. The difference. .. his wife has had multiple surgeries over the last 6 months and he was fired for taking her to chemo too many times.

Tried explaining that. She could only see free cash and her "share"

Not everyone can just hand out cash. People we may see as rich may have massive debts or plans for the money.

Hard to judge some one for not doling out dollars.

That sense of entitlement is a slippery slope.

My mother was the recipient of monetary help from my grandmother when they were both in their "twilight" years. As result of grandma making her car payment for her several times, mom's siblings took an accounting of the money grandma dispensed toward that, by deducting it from her inheritance upon grandma's passing.

With my own children, I have one child who feels that I owe her the shirt off my back. She hasn't spoken to me civilly in some years now, and cut off ties to our family. Nonetheless, she reached out to me in recent past demanding I give her hundreds or better, thousands of dollars to support her since she hasn't been able to work for some time. I've done what I can but it in no way, size or form amounts to what she expects from me.

She complained to my son that because I went to visit him overseas I must be rich. My son told her back to deflect that connotation that he helped to pay for my visit to see him, yada yada. The truth was I had some money from a couple of settlements that helped pay for that trip when I went to visit. That was during a time we didn't know where she was.

She said to me that since I make thousands more than she does, it's my parental duty to hand it over to her. Since I'm unable to or from her perspective unwilling to, she believes I don't love her. So she's "severing ties" with me all over again. I reminded her she already did that several years ago, so this was nothing new. My money is spent before I see it, on taxes and overhead. That she equates money with love is maybe why she's unable to show love or respect to me, her mother.

Meanwhile I still hear nothing from her. Recently I sent her some money for Pesach, a small donation, on her "go-fundme" page she set up for that. So far I've been her largest donor. And still she ignores me.

That's why I call her my Prodigal Child.

Nonetheless, as the father in the parable felt toward his Prodigal Son, I am still here for her. I feel whatever I have is hers, though when I die neither my son nor my attorney would know how to contact her. I'm actually debating whether to sign everything over to the one child who does keep in contact with me, and has honored me. Or make a trust that he can be the trustee for her when I go. Otherwise her share of any inheritance would likely default to my state's abandoned property bureau. And that would be a total waste.

I've offered to take early retirement to go be with her so I can help her with her living expenses. I've offered to send for her so she can live with me in her childhood home, rent free. For me supporting one household is more doable than supporting two households. She's refused both those offers of help, and would rather I just give her large monetary handouts which I'm unable to without putting my financial wellbeing in crisis mode. As a parent I've reached my wits end trying to make sense of this.

I don't want to detract from Adam's plight by sharing this. Just felt this topic overlaps with my daughter's situation somewhat, and hope it adds to the conversation rather than take away from it.

If she lives near a good sized city, tell her to check out the local dental school. They always need patients and the students are highly monitored by some of the best dentists and orthodontists.

This was how my parents were able to afford braces for me. The appointments take a long time, but that's the trade off.

Many people are a paycheck away from homelessness.

Is your dad able to help you? Is there anyone in your family who would let you live with them until you get back on your feet (figuratively and literally?)

Not sure it's a 'Mormon' thing when times are hard.

I imagine if your family is in a position to help you don't be afraid to let them know of your need.

Have you checked with Social Security to see if you're eligible for SSI while you're out on disability? It's supplemental, based on need.

My husband wasn't. He wouldn't let me leave the house without asking me if I needed any money. The problem was, he didn't really have much to give ($10.00-30.00 cash).

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badassadam: "Its exhausting just to think about asking a Mormon family member for help again while I get another surgery. I never knew how stingy Mormons were".

Polly: I think it largely has to do with large families, and so much expected to be donated to the church (tithing, fast offering, ward budget, SCOUTS, and so forth, let alone having to pay one's own living expenses). Also, sometimes members forget that "families come first" (and in my opinion, before church donations, if really warranted).

Also, surgery is usually very expensive. How much "help" were you hoping for? $1,000, $10,000? Is the "help" to be considered a loan, or a gift? And, how much would you be prepared to do likewise, if someone asked you for such help?

Besides, this kind of problem is not just found in Mormonville, but in families in general.

And the church suggests government help for extra needs, where this is available.

Oh yeah, and how about the groups where someone asks for financial help, and many just chip-in, in response. (Making a big bill easier to pay.)

At any rate, I sure hope for the best for you, both in the surgery, and getting financial help.

I can get the surgery covered by insurance but my monthly bills will take me under in the next few months so I gotta do something and government aid is giving all it can give. I would seriously rather die slowly in the desert then live on the streets or live with a family member at this point. I'm trying to fix all my injuries to get me out of this mess. And yes I would help someone else out in my position I've been giving money to the homeless constantly over the years and I'm actually one of them beaten and broken I'm not even healthy and able to work 40 hours a week and I'm helping homeless and now I'm the one in real trouble now go figure but I'll figure this out like I said.

Disability is tough, and you're not going to get enough money from government payments to support yourself. Have you given Catholic Charities a call? They will often help in situations like this. You might also consider living in a roommate situation. There will be community listings online, in the newspaper, and on college bulletin boards for "roommates wanted." You can also rent a room in someone's home or basement.

I wouldn't look for handouts from family members. Sometimes family volunteers to help, but it's not really something you can expect from someone other than a spouse.

I have a case worker thats supposed to be looking at all the options for me right now including moving into a cheaper place but she hasn't been much help I told her I'd end up a male prostitute if she didn't figure something out quick and I was half serious. But now I know why people have to move in with their parents when they have kids or become homeless after a serious illness or injury. Do people even know there are no supports when something serious happens to them I don't think they do like I do. Just to give an idea how quickly you can go south because of health I had 100,000 dollars in the bank two years ago now its almost gone.

I had roommates into my mid-30s, and lived with family for many years after that. I didn't get my own place until I was 46, when I bought my home.

I have more supports in place now than I did when I was younger. But yes, disability can throw quite a wrench into things.

$100,000 gone, wow! I've never been sick enough to go to spend more that $50 on a doctor (I do my own surgeries if needed). But with the standard medical insurance offered by employers for a 35 year old male (and/or Obama Care), wouldn't the Silver/Bronze Plan be something like a $5000-$10000 yearly deductible and 80% covered on prescriptions? Somewhere between $40-$150 in insurance costs each month depending on income. And a supplemental insurance for the infirm would run $25 a month or less that may cover the deductible.

So how did these numbers turn into $100,000? I think you may have to get help from family (like I did). This new world of greedy-bureaucracy-Health-coverage is going to bankrupt this country. Anesthesiologists are making close to $500,000, it's more than the maket and society can support. And there are too many million dollar babies being born! I know it's just horrible for me to say this but I can't afford to pay for one more mil $ premiee.

I was hoping that Trumps overhaul of Obama care would fix stuff, but it looks like the democrats are insistent on running out country into the ground.

I was an idiot and had to live off of my savings while I was getting surgeries. The money goes quick between health stuff and living costs and then tithing off some of that 100000 profit from a property I had to sell god I was an idiot for paying tithing.

The idea of asking catholic charities is a good idea. Years ago I needed help, and they were helpful and nonjudgemental. I wish I could help. I'm like you in that if something happens to me,I'm the lone ranger, no safety net. My heart goes out to you.

Maybe you could start a go fund me account. A friend of my daughter's got into a money mess and did this. He got way more money than was his goal. (((hugs))))