Date: June 18, 2017 05:27PM
Welcome to RFM. I think I care that no one else experience being without living existing adult relatives like an adult adoptee or foster care child needlessly. I wonder if there may be ways to recycle important relatives like repairing an old appliance. My husband just placed a $14.90 belt in our old washing machine and it spins my laundry loads like new again. I wonder if upgrading part of your family's vocabulary "apps" would accomplish about that when the driving belt made my washing machine really work well and serve me and my family? Same washer , new drive belt , it's such a small part. Well, what if we replaced a vocabulary phrase, replace vocabulary phrasing into the well worn wash-and-repeat ritual of daily encounters with them. What then? I wish you well. Be the love , I know that you are being torn between opposing conflicting culture & its, it is an extraordinary effort ...especially when we want to love , we love , and we want to simply be loved.
They show Such beauty you show such beauty. They're such hard workers you're such a hard worker, yet falling outside your parents judgement combined with ones goal setting & accomplishments is just combusting visions of parental love & pride. Learning them to express it will be well worth it!
You can teach the the vocabulary and phrases modeling by saying: "I'm proud of you ,dad " or "I'm proud of you -----" ----insert name here" with a concrete example of her work or efforts exists nearby in text photo or on the table-- like a cupcakes or bench built or woodworking or car engine repair or book published or paper edited for you. Or for someone else.
You can teach the phrase: "I enjoyed xxxxx " after speaking briefly on phone, eating her cupcakes, listening to his article excerpt, skimming his paragraph rewrite, hearing about their new walker or cane retip, or ex refill trip, rewire his church speaker sound system, financing his new microphone, learning a new music sound mix app they hope their church friends like, making the old copy machine work again, walking, running a car errand or whatever.
It may take time because these family members may not be used to pride in accomplishments or being noticed as an individual for works of their hands or minds. It was all gifted or not from god they had no To it. But you're going to teach them to be acknowledged for teeny works valued by or appreciated... and ....that...they are, valued and appreciated.
It may take time for them to restate the phrase: "I enjoyed xxxx" after something they did or someone else did hear them. Model it model it model it and you will over time remodel the vocabulary punctuation phrasing your home your parents and you.
By the time we're done they'll have acquired new phrasing new vocabulary new ritual small social interchanges in family.
You teach them as adult child child role giving speaking it vocabulary inserting your skills and some years from now you'll hear them speak their vocabulary about some churchy thing to each other (grin wryly) nod to appreciate an adoption of the vocabulary.
Then finally you might hear it too even if it's about repairing or recycling old junky appliance just like them ...who knew
They can be old appliances not quite worn out and get recycled a little bit. You you are worth it. Ain't no junk in this family yet.
It's like a wash cycle doing laundry use phrase: "I'm proud of you mom," after she drove somewhere or got something done. Eventually she'll be used to you being "proud of her." Eventually she will become used to being proud and repeat the phrase... wash and respect model phrase apply phrase model phrase apply phrase
Grin when they try it
Don't criticize attempts at it re model it use the phrase: " I am proud of you----" "I enjoyed xxxx dad"
Or the phrase: "I enjoyed xxxxxx " after cake or fair or Netflix or BBQ or phone call. Teach the phrase: "I enjoyed xxx"
In time the existence of /enjoying / and the existence of /proud/ of someone's work..... will exist in your family and will exist and be expressed in open ways
Hint: grin anyways when your parents enjoy the damnedest things
Hint: grin anyways when your parents are proud of the damnedest little things
Eventually they'll be speaking their pride and enjoyment
You're flipping their vocabulary
I'm saying, be the bridge. I'm saying, before you burn the bridge with them, teach them to express pride in small acts and teach them to express enjoyment,.; teach them consciousness of pride in small increments and teach them enjoyment. Make the family culture be a bridge of here and now enjoyments
Such comes to mind through recent encounters with a well meaning short walking voice calling out" --- you should let me be your xxxxx prayer leader." At my daughters home ah met a Pentecostal middle aged mama & I knew she meant well, but near to drive me mad. she took my kindness and politeness for deference & felt called that she needed to lead me , offering most graciously to direct me in ---- prayer (just like she'd been taught at her last convention; she was almost certified to bill for prayer group scheduled sessions she'd been flying out an official trainer and learning from her.) it's another day in the neighborhood , another day in the neighborhood, won't you be, my neighbor?
Before breakfast, across the patio, in the kitchen for three days "--- you need me to be you xxxx prayer leader. " Be like painting:," nice salad . " response: ," I should be your xxxx prayer leader tell me aboutxxx let's pray."
Mop headed short pale skin sweet smiling eyed savant for the lord somehow, scampering across the yard trimming my daughters garden putting seeds in setting surprize vegetables volunteers beneath fruit trees in any bare ground spots she could see pulling an earth angels joy Into the coastal hillside. Oh my goodness how beautiful.
And yet the scampering garden elf earth angel turned quickly into a mop head puppet for Jesus like a little monster. Short talking fluffy haired prayer group stalking puppet walking across the family's carpet,
I see such good in her, I see, things that worry me, basically because it's so annoying. And intimidating is she, is, is, she, Judging me! Yea Mormon in spades karma for early every member a missionary pompous attitude from me! Was I ever that annoying :(
Unwilling to make waves in my adult child's life kindness kindness kindness kindness drrrriiive. Whew
Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 06/18/2017 08:25PM by paintinginthewin.