followed a path similar to mine in re loss of faith.

1. I heard a crazy stor(ies) in my teens

Various strange stories made me feel awkward about the church -
but just barely.

One example:

Adults discussing Cain roaming the earth and how Bigfoot was cain and additional "Bigfeet" were cain's descendants.

My perfect testimony intact.

But first strange feeling(s).


2. I attended the temple at 19

The throat slitting, disemboweling, pay lay ale etc. changed not only my feelings about the church but the world. I was immature enough not to be able to question, but I knew immediately something was wrong.

My testimony intact but something wasn't quite right and my feelings about my parents and the world...changed in the space of a few hours.


3. Went on mission

Mission introduced me to crazy people, strange missionaries, abuse of authority, and a realization that the church I thought I grew up in - faith in Christ etc. seemed to be more of a business.

Visits by area 70s cemented feeling that this wasn't the church I grew up in.

My parents picked me up from mission and wanted to visit temples. I refused to go in.

My testimony still intact, but I knew that something wasn't right and yet was afraid to get to the bottom of it. Afraid the girl I wanted to marry wouldn't have me if I slacked and my parents would..well - not love me as much.

4. Read Book of Mormon while actually paying attention

I read the book of mormon on my mission while actually paying attention. After the 10 or 11th sick feeling developed in the pit of my stomach from the realization that there was some very strange and unbelievable things in the book, I put the book away and didn't visit it again for the remainder.

My testimony still "intact" but...knew book of mormon had some serious explaining to do.


4. Internet

12 years after my mission, a marriage to a strong member, the internet had reached a point where people actually had websites about things.

In preparing a lesson I came across a website that listed with great clarity all the reasons the book of mormon was a work of fiction.

6 hours later.

My testimony absolutely gone.
It was as if blinders had been removed and I couldn't believe I had believed.

Nothing about the church made sense but now EVERYTHING made sense.

5. 18 years later - still working it out with tbm wife.

I basically did the first 4 and currently 6 years later working it out with my TBM wife.

Very similar to me.

Once I got to the internet, and my faith evaporated, it ended up in divorce. So our paths diverge there.

Not my path exactly but can definitely identify with every element
Def the hardest part has got to be attached to someone who has different life goals than your truth is now

Sheldon L Wriggle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> followed a path similar to mine in re loss of
> faith.

First three -- pretty much the same.

Fourth came without the internet (it was before it existed!), and only 3 months after my mission. And fortunately, before I got "temple-married." The catalyst was the bishop calling me to teach sunday school to teens, and I knew in a flash that I couldn't stand there and lie to them.

Yeah, the journey is the same for many of us. :)

I was moved by your story Sheldon. I am a convert, so my path was different. But I can relate to that moment on the internet when everything suddenly clicked and I knew the church was false.

I've been here at RfM for over a decade, on and off, and I can promise you that I've seen your exact same experience expressed by posters over and over again....The only differences have been in the endings. The TBM spouse is a wild card that can end in several different ways: The TBM leaves the church with their spouse; the TBM divorces the apostate spouse; or the marriage partners agree to disagree and stay together.

Fingers crossed that you and your TBM wife can make it work....

Nice to see you - hope things are going better for you :-D

Tom in Paris

::Waves back::

I'm still here almost every day Tom. I don't usually post unless the Holy Spook moves me to bare my un-testimony.

;o)

Me, convert of one year at BYU...Pearl of Great Price class...Michael Chandler--mummies--Joseph Smith translating..why did there have to be mummies? Why were they in the Midwest? Why would a Hebrew scripture appear on an EGYPTIAN mummy in non-reformed Egyptian? Put it on the shelf...the church is true...the church is true...oh fuck! I'm in a cult!

I'm with you on point #4.

I was already disgusted, but it took about four hours on the internet, and I was finished.

For those that are still searching for the truth: go to Mormonthink.com and read, read, read, and then decide for yourself!

Please don't flame me but IMHO, you cannot work it out with a TBM spouse. Sorry, not happening. In my case, 15 years and yes they will seem to compromise, but secretly, no. Some of you will say it's working but I doubt your marriage is as good as it could me. There are enough issues in life and marriage without being diametrically opposed in fundamental issues. (My ex-TBM married a religious man and I couldn't be happier for her)

It was on the morning of a beautiful, clear day, early in the spring. It was the first time in my life that I had made such an attempt to search for info on the Mormon church, for amidst all my anxieties, I had never as yet made the attempt to Google Search the Mormon Church.

After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down, opened my laptop, and began to offer up the desires of my heart to Google Search.

I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by the “Strengthening the Members Committee” and they gathered around me to bind my fingers so I could not type. Thick darkness gathered around my display so I could barely see the Google Search box to type into, and it seemed as if my laptop and I were doomed to sudden destruction.

As I was about to sink into despair, and abandon myself to destruction of being sucked back into the Morg, I exerted all my strength to use my mouse and keyboard to call upon Google.

It no sooner appeared that I found myself delivered from the committee which held me bound, the darkness did flee, and my screen appeared before me once more.

No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to surf, that I typed in and asked “How shall I know of the truthfulness of the Mormon church?”

My screen now began to shine with such glory and brightness that it defied all description, and its glory did shine above the brightness of the sun.

And it came to pass that writing of a curious nature appeared upon my screen where it was written to go to WWW.EXMORMON.ORG. Then a voice of thunder came through my laptop speakers and said “This is my beloved website in which I am well pleased, in which I have glorified my Google Search name. Read ye its wisdom and thou shalt be blessed”.

I went to this website and feasted upon such enlightenment and truth so much so, that I was overcome with such joy and I fell upon my knees. Raising my hands to the nearest cell tower, I exclaimed, “How is it done?”. Once again, a voice of thunder came from my laptop and said, “Because of thy faith in the internet and your desire to know the truth of all things. Blessed art thou for thy desire to find truth.” After regaining my natural strength, I did make my way back to my abode giving thanks to the Google god and have praised his name forever more.

Flash, that's very good and made me laugh

It started when I was around eight. Sitting in Primary after school I had a thought pop into my head.. when in history did real dead people ever appear to someone as they did to Joseph Smith. And so many. Wouldn't that be big news? And why doesn't it happen now. And then another thought.. where's the golden plates? And why did Jesus pick the 1800s to restore the church? Why not now or sooner? And why is a prophet called president. Was Jesus the president of the church? Did prophets have apostles? And why is the ward janitor dressed up like Santa at the Primary Christmas party? They lie to you in church.. that's not Santa!! That actually bothered me . That they would lie in church. Don't look out the windows.. Santa is leaving in his sleigh.
He drove off in a station wagon with the janitor's wife.