I wish so much I had never heard of Mormonism. One year ago, the wife I had treated like a queen informed me, via E-MAIL, that she had filed for divorce. When I visited her and my son six months later, I stumbled upon a document while searching through law school notes she had kept for me. The document contained two priesthood "blessings" she recieved while we were separated.

These men told her that God wanted her to choose faithfulness to him above all. They also told her to remember the pioneers, and how they had to leave behind their old lives to show their faith. Then they promised her power and riches and all the other boilerplate stuff. In a very passive aggressive way, both men told her, in the voice of God, that she needed to divorce her apostate husband.

I was not blameless in the divorce, but I tried really hard to reconcile for 10 months. She would never even sit down for mediation. How was I supposed to reason with someone who had already heard "the voice of God," though? Now she is telling me that because I betrayed my whole family by leaving the church, I am the kind of person who damages all his relationships, and she cannot let my son be around me.

I gave her everything she wanted in the divorce, and more. While she has been struggling with unemployment and depression, I have completely supported her financially. My support has always been more than generous, and I have never been negative in front of the child. Now I feel forced, when I arrive in Utah, to wage a legal battle I never wanted.

I am beyond pissed off here. Seriously. I just got so fucked by the whole mormon mentality. God before husband. Church before family. I cannot blame TSCC for my divorce, but they sure meddled. And the three of us will be worse off for many years because of it.

Fuck. Joseph. Smith. And his fucking cult.

I don't want to discuss legal issues or get too personal, but I really felt a need to vent this. Thanks for letting me.

Adam

EDIT: I just found one of the copies I have of one blessing. The othe one was longer and even worse. Here it is, edited only for names:

----------------------------------------------------------

DXW, by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood, I anoint you with this oil, which has been set apart for the blessing of the afflicted and the sick, and I do this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

DXW, by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood, and in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior, I seal this anointing which you have received, that you may be blessed in every way that you need at this time in your life. I bless you with physical safety and security, that you will know that you are being protected and that you do not need to fear for your safety or the safety of your son, [NOTE: I HAVE NEVER PHYSICALLY HARMED MY EX, AND HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN LESS PHYSICAL WITH OUR SON THAN SHE]


that you will have a wall of protection around you, that no unhallowed ,person or thing can pass and can harm you as long as you are being faithful. And I bless you that you will be strengthened to be able to weather the storms that surround you at this time.

At this stage in your life, the adversary wishes to discourage you and turn you away from the things that will bring you the most joy and fulfillment and that will lead you back to your Heavenly Father’s presence, and to true joy and eternal life. He will do this through making you feel alone and isolated from others. He will do this through discouraging you and through building up your fears and making it seem that there is no way out. I bless you that you will be able to know that there will be an end to the challenges you are facing at this time. You are feeling the shadows around you, but I bless you that you may know that the morning will soon come, and that the sun will dawn brightly and will allow you to see things more clearly and to see that you have passed through these things and have weathered the storms and have been FAITHFUL.

I bless you that you will have an understanding of your forbears and the challenges that they faced, which were different on the surface from your challenges, and the persecution they suffered, the hardships [BY THIS TIME, I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS SHIPPING HER EVERYTHING OF VALUE WE OWNED AND HAD PAID OVER 30K IN SUPPORT] of crossing the plains, of sacrificing--leaving behind people and places that were dear to them--so that they could follow the promptings of the Spirit, and the call to move to Zion and to do the things that would bless their families. You now are on that journey, DXW.

You are having to scale difficult mountains, and I bless you that you will have the faith and the courage and the strength to do this, to take each step and NOT LOOK BACK, to keep looking forward towards the light that is ahead.

You will be tempted to do the EASY THING, and you may have a hard time feeling totally at peace with the decisions you have made, [SHE STILL LOVES ME DEEPLY. IT WAS ONLY THE BITTERNESS OF HER FAMILY MEMBERS, WHO ARE ALL UNHAPPY IN THEIR MARRIAGES, THAT PERSUADED HER TO FILE - SIDE NOTE, ANOTHER MARRIAGE IN HER FAMILY JUST WENT TO HELL. SHE SAID IT IS MUCH WORSE THAN OURS.]


because of the fact that they will bring pain to others and pain to you and to your son. I bless you that even though you may not feel a complete peace and calm in your heart, you will be able to trust in the decisions you have made. You will also be able to trust in the advice of those who love you and who have other experiences, and who can see your situation from a different perspective. And so I bless you that you will have the courage to go forward, to do what you know that you need to do for your eternal welfare and the eternal welfare of your son.

[FUCKING BRAINWASH BULLSHIT!]

And finally I bless you that you will be able to trust in the Rock of your Redeemer, that you will know through this experience that your Savior Jesus Christ does live, that his Atonement has great power in your life and in the lives of all of our Heavenly Father’s children, that you will feel the sweet peace that comes from leaning on his arm and trusting in Him, of receiving his forgiveness and his love, and of abiding in his light and allowing it to guide you through this time in your life.

I also bless you that you will be able to think on your grandmother for whom you are named, who also faced great challenges in her life, and who came through with faith and who was blessed for her faithfulness, and who now is at peace and has done great things, things that will bless her progeny and will bless generations to come. And you likewise will be able to do this and will be able to live up to her example. I seal these blessings upon you in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

WOW. WHAT A RELIGION!



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2011 10:28AM by rogertheshrubber.

I also wish you'd never heard of mormonism!

Good luck. I would be happy to see you have custody of your son. Hang in there and be strong for him. He needs you.

See loved Mormonism more than you.

If you ain't worth more than her religion that she ain't worth your rage.

The best piece of advice I got was 'if your dog dies, go out and get another dog'

Time to move on (from your wife not your son)

When you are with your son you will make sure that he has the best time ever. As he grows up he will gradually see a difference between spending time with you and Mormonism.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2011 09:51AM by Stumbling.

I would be tempted to cite the two documents in any legal proceedings that you have and play the 'protecting my son from a cult that is after his money' card whenever you get the chance.

But in any other jurisdiction, I would gladly produce them.

:-(

It's an invasive cult.

Listen mate, it's gonna be a drag, a long haul kind of a drag which will wear you down. Allow yourself some fun. Socialise, get out there regularly when you can. It'll balance the gut ache.

I am so, so sorry.

I wish you all the luck in the world in getting access to your son.

I am just speechless. These old farts clearly have never been through a divorce of their own or they would never, ever recommend such a course of action.

Meddling assholes.

Anybody who has been close to a divorce would know better than to tell her she SHOULD leave me. Especially when, aside from the lds thing, we were extremely compatible.

A *clergy* that does not want to even try mediation or family counseling? This is proof they do not want reconciliation. They want her to remarry and continue the flow of tithing. How incredibly sad for the both of you. The brainwashing is so deep in this cult! I hope you stand by your son through this. He needs a father that doesn't drink the Kool-Aid. He will see that you live your life according to you, and not the dictates of the cult.

{{Hugs}}

First of all, they're great evidence that this church apparently emboldened others to butt into your marriage. In fact, I wonder if you have grounds for an alienation of affection type lawsuit. (I'm no lawyer, so I could be totally off base, though.) But if you do, I bet just the threat of one might be enough to get the church to put pressure on your wife to start being more cooperative. It's also grounds for keeping your son AWAY from the Mormon church as they have already crossed boundaries in an entirely inappropriate way.

Just a thought that jumped out during my reading of your account.

I'm really sorry that this has happened. It's fantastic that you're fighting for your son. Many men in your situation feel overwhelmed and don't have the energy to fight for their children. I'm so glad for your son that you are willing to fight anyway.

I'm pissed off for you too!

and also... she cant NOT let you see your son...can she??/ you got rights too!! and.....STOP the money! not to your son but to her!!
course easy for me to say!!

I could end up in jail and not be any closer. But yes, I do have rights. I just have to take her court to enforce them.

Who is the one who did the most damage to her of anyone, always belittling her and abusing her mom. Many of the issues Nora saw in me were just projections of the awfulness of this man.

If anyone is interested, I posted the "blessings" in my orignial post.

Thanks for your encouragement, Rebeckah.

I was in your situation after 25+ years of marriage. Kids , serious sicknesses (hers) money , various upgrades of homes, always helping her disfunctional family --Then discarded like yesterday's newspaper. I stood by her through all of it.

But just remember -
*** A divorce is just like any plane crash ---
Any one you can walk away from with your mind intact and with all your limbs --- Is a good one ***

JB

You have my sympathy for what you are going through, this is awful!

You should realize though, that you have more than enough grounds for sole custody without bringing Mormonism into this: your ex-wife is despressed, unemployed and completely dependent on you for financial support.

You do not need to prove that she is (and there is no reason to believe that she is) a bad mother or a bad person, but she is clearly incapable of caring for your son at this time. You should file for sole custody based on that and get your child away from that cult and an unstable (again, at this time) home environment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2011 10:28AM by nwmcare.

I want her to be around my son. She is a good mother. I just want him to understand that there is another way to see life. That is why I am going out to Utah.

Thanks for the good wishes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2011 10:31AM by rogertheshrubber.

I'm no lawyer either, but...
you know how in criminal cases they can file to get it moved to another area if the jurisdiction they are in will somehow impact the case in an unfair manner? (Can't think of the technical term for it at the moment...)

I don't know if the same thing can be done in family law, but maybe you could petition to have it moved out of Utah County for the same reason, and then submit those "blessings" as evidence that the Cult bears a huge load of responsibility for this situation.

So sorry you are going through this... we are with you and wishing you the best...

It's a good thought, but a good lawyer on the other side would emphasize the ambiguity of the blessing. While she knew exactly what her father was saying, he never explicitly told her to do anything in particular besides stay faithful to her church.

That is so messed up. That whole god first thing drove me crazy. To pick mormon rather than you is just insane. All three of you will or probably already do regret it.

Kids have a way of doing what they want when they get older and if you are the sane one he will see that and spend more time with you regardless of the church, her mom, or custody laws.

Find someone that loves you for you not for your "devotion" to santa claus. I enjoy reading your posts--except for this one. Good luck--sorry about the pain.

To hear you say you like my writing. A whole lot. Thank you.

wish you the best of luck.

but instead of "You are getting VEEEEERRRRYYYY sleepy", it's more like "You will feel _____________________".

How wrong for them to promise her things they cannot deliver, and encourage her to do things that will only make her life worse.

I feel bad for both you AND your exwife. You are both victims of a cult.

I never thought about blessings this way. I just thought of them as LDS fortune-telling. A lot of platitudes supposedly spoken by Spiritual forces.

What really irritates me is the end where he says, essentially, "all that doubt you feel, the feeling that walking away from a good marriage without sitting down to attempt reconciliation once, is acutually just Satan."

This is what sucks about "The Spirit". I am totally cooll with basing certain decisions on "going with your gut," but the LDS teaching is that your gut is only telling the truth as long as it is saying "follow the profit."

Utter garbage.

This is just one of the shittiest things I've seen within mormonism. Sorry, dude. On a side note, you are one of my favorite posters on rfm.

wtf????
you posted this to rodgerdodger!!
"you are one of my favorite posters on rfm."
what??? WCG you cheating on me?? :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2011 11:35AM by bignevermo.

With an awesome TBM wife and kids, this is my greatest fear is that they are going to pull this priesthood blessing or authority crappola to break my marriage up because from their point of view, this is how they are going to best serve, protect and save my wife and kids.

I don't even have words. I sat here at my desk reading this and it literally made my stomach knot up. I had to fight tears. Just know that so many people care about you and your son. I am always here for you if you ever need to just talk or anything at all. Our door is always open to you; we are only up the road. Seriously! If you ever want to just come by and hang out, have a bitch session, whatever, just let me know.

I will be moving in the next two weeks. We really should do coffee before then.

I sent you a facebook message with my phone number.

I commend you for making your child a priority in your life. This shows your character and is no doubt one of the reasons your wife fell in love with you in the first place.

I'm asking you to focus on what's important and don't be distracted by your anger at the mob. The blessing(s) are unimportant--it is the ravings of people separated from reality and would be called "crazy" anywhere but in Utah. Your wife spouts what she's been told, combined with her fears.

What's important is reality. Your wife is already reaping the fruit of the terrible advice she's been given. She is depressed, unemployed and no doubt resents being dependent upon you, an apostate. It is important to her that you act badly so she continue to be the victim and get sympathy for her suffering.

Resist the temptation to lump your wife with the church as perpetrators of a cult evil on your son. She is a victim just like you were and is just in a different place than you. If you manage your emotions and your own transition well, you can save your son and possibly your wife. But here's the kicker--it takes time.

Time is on your side. Your wife is a good person--DO NOT TRY TO GET CUSTODY OF YOUR SON. It is more important that you win hearts here than being "right" and proving the church or your wife "wrong." Why win the battle and lose the war?

Your persistent kindness and generosity over time is a witness against the apostate=evil lies that the morg is using to keep her "faithful." Adam-- you can make liars out of them. Be the example of a healthy, free human being making moral and loving choices out of free will --truly free will, not the bogus "free agency" they teach.

The church deserves your anger, not your wife. They want her to discard you like a used tissue because you no longer serve THEIR purpose. You do, however, serve her purpose if you behave like a loving father. She doesn't want her son to grow up fatherless and will be quickly trying to replace you by remarrying. This is the Mormon solution.

If you have behaved like an asshole, her two parent family will be able to curtail your visitation to the legal minimum and even make it supervised if you have any substance problems, temper problems, legal problems, health problems... see where this is going?

I went through an acrimonious divorce in Utah county. My husband filed papers trying to force me to raise my children Mormon because that was his intent when he married me. It didn't fly, but the fact that he even tried it shows you the mentality of the climate in Utah County.

Your greatest legal asset is the reality of your love for your son. Make that bond with him and be kind to your wife. Nothing will piss the church off more and nothing you can do legally will be more effective in the long run.

WHen it comes to families, he who loves the most wins.


Anagrammy

I am printing this out to keep.

I love my ex and will not do anything to hurt her, but I will need to file for a change in visitation. While I have been in Va, extended visits were fine, but I believe I have to leave my law license and friends behind and just get out there. My son has been 20 months without regular visits from me. This after I was very present for the first 2 years of his life.

I don't spend very much time on anger. I have mostly left that behind. This was just a particularly hard week, and I needed to vent about this "blessing."

All of my life, I have been a pacifist and a negotiator. I will accomplish what my son needs, but it will require a little bit of resistance in court. Until now, I had not done anything but visit. Now I feel like he needs me to be more present.

But, no, I won't lump her in with her poor upbringing. And I will try to let go of this before I get out to Provo.

Thanks again



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2011 11:57AM by rogertheshrubber.

how it must have hurt her to give you up. She is caught in a deep deep undertow to withstand your charms. How sad for all of you.

I spent four decades in the cult (i.e. BIC, etc), and it's an idiotic organization. You have men who imagine inspiration and authority over people. They come up with all sorts of nonsense. As part of the paradigm and culture, they learn to use flowery spiritualese, and convince people to do stupid things with their lives. Then you have the recipients of he blessings, usually vulnerable women, who surrender their own critical thinking skils and life choice making ability to these penishood idiots. They allow these guys to live their lives for them. I've seen it happen so many times. Crazy ass cult. These people are deluded.

When I was thinking about leaving the cult a few years ago, my bishop asked me to receive a blessing from his friend, a partiarch. In the blessing, the man told me to get out of the mid-west, where the "anti's" had a stronghold, quit my 6 fig job, and move to Idaho. If I would have been a vulnerable idiot, I may have been tempted to follow his counsel.