After a Friday afternoon work meeting ended, several of us worker bees (all women) discussed our plans for the weekend.

One woman said she was going out to dinner with women from her ward to celebrate being released from their callings last Sunday. All except one women in her group who, after 6 years as YW president was called to be Relief Society president.

"Why didn't she tell them no?" I asked. They rest of the women present (all Mormons) looked at me like I had grown a second head. "Well, you're a volunteer! You have the right to say no!"

"Oh, we can't do that. It's inspired!"

"Even if it wrecks your family? My son's good friend's father was called to bishop and when I saw him later that week and joked that he should have told them no. He also said he couldn't say no. For the next five years, I had a front row seat watching his family fall apart - he was never home. Two kids got heavy into drugs and dropped out of school. The oldest daughter got pregnant by her druggie BF and married him while still in high school. The youngest son (my son's good friend) spent all his spare time at our house because he would be safe from the druggie brothers and was guaranteed a meal. The mom, already mentally unstable, ended up on high doses of anti-depressant. Inspired?"

The women had no answer to that.

My wife felt she couldn't say no to callings during her first marriage. She humble brags publicly that she's had every calling available to women. She admits to me in private that she thinks her kids (now adults) are messed up because she put her callings ahead of her family.

She's pretty sure that her marriage to her RM ex was doomed regardless of her callings...she thinks the callings were a means to "righteously" avoid her husband and may have allowed the marriage to last much longer than was healthy.

She currently has no callings, by her request, and its been months since she's even gone to church. Aside from her feelings of guilt about not going to church, she says she's happier now than she was when she was uber TBM.

Those who feel they can say "no" don't last in the church.

I didn't, anyway. First time I said "no" was my last day as a mormon :)

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
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> First time I said "no" was my
> last day as a mormon :)

Me, too :)

Perhaps you gave them something to think about.

I said "no" on several occasions years ago. The first time was when the second counselor said I was called to be the Sunday School president. I actually laughed while declining. A few years later a bishop asked me to be a scout leader. I told him I didn't feel that I could do it because I didn't believe God existed and that God's existence is an axiom in scouting. I declined to be a home teacher as well. Maybe I'm a just-say-no pioneer.

Got abused in Scouting. A few years ago they asked me to be the Scout leader. Made me nauseous. Thought about it for 30 seconds. Weighed the potential outcomes. Sat up and said, 'no.' The bp and counsellor looked me dumbfounded. Eventually told me it was god's choice not mine. Said no again and left.

All the way to my truck I was giving myself high fives. Felt SO good to say no. Inspired, my ass.

A few years before I left the church, a member of the bishopric showed up at my house with no prior warning at 10 p.m. to give me a calling. I was in my pajamas and had to quickly put a sweatshirt on. He barely got the words out of his mouth and I didn't miss a beat and said, "Sorry, can't do it."

It didn't matter what the calling was. I was ticked that he had the nerve to come to my house so late. I could tell he was really surprised that I said "no." I think that was the first time that I found my backbone while in the church.

I remember when family members needed the head of households permission for callings.

I know my Dad told them no several times. I know he also went in a time or two and demanded they release his wife from a calling.

I was called to be the teachers quorum president just after I turned 16. I was technically too old to still be in with the teachers, but, like a good little Mormon boy, I was conditioned to just nod and say "Baa" when a calling was give.
Mormon callings (say in best Marlon Brando voice)- "I'm gonna give him a calling he can't refuse."