Posted by:
corallus
(
)
Date: January 26, 2018 12:11PM
I learned a lot about this process and differences of administration when I went through it myself almost 8 years ago. I was TBM at the time so as far as I was concerned it was all very necessary. I believe differently now.
After confessing to my bishop what I considered to be pretty serious stuff, he indicated that it would need to be managed by the the Stake President (because I was an Elder and Temple Endowed). I was lucky in that both my Bishop and SP were very thoughtful men. They weren't hard liners and I do believe that ,at least within the LDS construct, they legitimately had my and my family's best interest in mind.
Despite this, I found the process to be very uncomfortable. I had to talk about deeply personal things in very explicit detail in front of 15 men, most of whom I did not know at all.
For those unfamiliar with the process, it goes like this:
1. You (and possibly spouse if married) - meet individually with the SP. SP gets as much detail as he believes is necessary to decide if a court needs to be convened. He asked about the "sin" in detail, asked about previous church service, mission service, etc., and state of family relations related to the "sin". He also talked to my wife to get her perspective and asked her opinion of what should be done to best help me.
2. Church court scheduled for a week or two later. During the interim I received a letter from the SP's office formally requesting me to attend a church court for "conduct unbecoming a member of the church" with specific dates and times.
3. Showed up for court with wife and Bishop - met with SP individually and with my wife again where he described the process to me. The high council was already convened in the next room.
4. Went out and waited to be brought into the high council room. Found out that during this time SP had been reminding the council of the process and their responsibilities.
5. Was invited in with my bishop. Of those on the high council I knew...there were some quickly regulated surprised looks at seeing me. The SP reiterated confidentiality requirements to them.
6. Once seated, SP laid out the details of my "sin" to the council based on what I had told him. The council then proceeded to ask me questions. Details about why, who, what I had done since and how I felt about it. I was tearful and "repentant" so I think they probably went easier on me than if I had been the opposite.
7. SP asked the bishop if he wanted to say anything. He said kind things on my behalf - emphasizing my "repentant" state.
8. We were then asked to leave the room while the council deliberated. There was one among them that I did consider my friend (from my ward), who had been a bishop before and was a very independent thinker. He later told me what had happened. They were divided in half, 6 asked to speak for the accused and 6 to not speak on my behalf / or for the church (prosecutors?). My friend was one speaking for and ultimately made the statement on my behalf when I came back into the room.
This is where I began to realize that this process depends on who is leading the group (hard liner vs. not). My friend told me that during the deliberations that some were focused on "mercy" and other tended to say things like - "well back in my day this would not have been let off that easy".
9. Once the council was finished deliberating, Stake Presidency retired to a different room to discuss / pray about the decision that would be made. We were ushered back to the waiting room.
10. After a good long while (45 min.) my wife, bishop and I were ushered back in. A few formalities were finished. My friend speaking for my side stated (almost a closing statement) that the process had been faithfully followed and that all sides had been heard. The guy speaking for "the church" made a similar statement.
11. SP pronounces the discipline decided on - in my case disfellowshipment. I was surprised, my bishop was surprised, my wife was surprised and I think a number of folks in the room were surprised.
12. Ended with me having to go around the room and get hugs and hand shakes from everyone in the room. I found this part probably the most uncomfortable. Most common thing I heard was "Good luck." But given that I didn't know most of them, I'm sure it was awkward for them as well.
I apologize for the length of this, but for those who are not familiar with the process, I think this is pretty standard based on what I read before and what I've read since.
My big learning - it all depends on who is in charge. If the guy's a hardliner you'll get that kind of treatment. If not, varying degrees of "love" are extended. The hardliners probably are more afraid of the sin falling on them.
Now that I know what I know....I just don't give a crap about any of it.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/26/2018 01:04PM by corallus.