Hey, I've been here before, under another username I can't seem to access any more.

Backstory: I emotionally left the church in 2009, removed my name in 2012. My husband continued to attend until 2012 when we moved to a different city and it was nicely convenient to just not go and introduce himself to the new ward. We've had a few moves since then. We now live across the street from the ward building, and we have one primary-aged kid and one nursery-aged kid.

Problem: A couple weeks ago DH got a text from someone in the primary inviting my kid to a primary activity. This annoyed him, since he would have liked to actually know the people in the ward before they started texting him. This outraged me, because I had hoped the whole church thing was more or less behind us. I told DH as much, and he got upset. We don't talk about church stuff much, as when we do, he defaults to the "God will sort out the details later" position and I can't seem to get anywhere with him. I told him I am definitely not on board with my kids going to church, for many reasons.

A couple days ago DH texted me that he is going to start going to church again this Sunday. I didn't respond for about an hour, I wanted to say OK in the most un-hurtful way (he is an adult after all, I don't get to say where he is allowed to go on any given day).

What kind of respectful language can I use down the road to let him know the kids are still not going to go? I do not want them to be attending and getting shamed every week for not being baptized, since I won't let them until I can't legally stop them.

How can I prepare him each week for what he's going to learn in his classes, and also give him the information regarding his lessons that he's not going to get from the teachers? Without being condescending and disrespectful?

I think you are just going to have to have a blunt talk with him, sooner rather than later. "Dear, if you want to spend your Sundays in church, that is your decision. However I feel strongly that I do not want our children raised in the Mormon church for [reasons.]" Be prepared to hear him out. Your husband might respond that he wants his kids raised within a moral framework, so have a response ready for that. You will also need to discuss tithing, since it will drain your family of resources. I would negotiate for no more than a 5% tithe for a part member family.

Possible reasons for not wanting your children to attend might include body shaming of young women and restriction of their roles, invasive bishop interviews of youth, lack of true forgiveness for sins, teaching that polygamy was ever okay, and disrespect of part-member families.

Honestly, I think your biggest problem will be the church members and leadership -- if your husband returns, you can expect that the bishop, bishopric, RSP, PP, primary teacher, VT, HT, and a string of missionaries will shortly be knocking on your door. They will all be eager to reactivate you and to get the kids dunked. Personally, I would try to negotiate with your husband, "no church visitors in our home." Since the church is across the street, he can visit with whomever he likes there.

Make Sunday fun day for you and the kids. Figure zoo trips, museum trips, movie matinees, pool trips, miniature golf, or what have you. If your husband misses the fun then so be it. Let the kids tell him how much they missed his presence.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2018 08:51AM by summer.

How about reminding him that tscc makes Only scant attempts to live, honor, it's own sayings & claims, that it often ENCOURAGES members to DIVORCE non-member spouses...

I have zero advice since I’m the knuckle head who went to church for 20 years while hubby was inactive.

He’s going to get a lot of pressure to get his family in line as the head of the household/priesthood bearer. Gag.

^^^^^^^^^^

I TOTALLY AGREE!

and, if they can't work their evil designs thru the male, they'll Pry on the woman to be unhappy, dissatisfied with husband, ENCOURAGE use of church "gospel" as a WEDGE...

When you're in a lds marriage, it's a THREE SOME with god Whispering to spouse what's OK & What's not OK...

Honest.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2018 11:23AM by GNPE.

Dorothy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
.
>
> He’s going to get a lot of pressure to get his
> family in line as the head of the
> household/priesthood bearer. Gag.


Maybe OP can use that. Tell him that in your experience they start hounding the inactive spouse and the kids. He can't argue with that since they already annoyed him by texting about the kids. Tell him that he needs to nip that in the bud because you want nothing to do with TSCC and don't want your kids to get involved until they are legally of age to make their own decisions.

I wouldn't try to sway him with moral, ethical, or doctrinal issues. Like someone else said, he can find that info if he wants to. He's probably already heard most of it anyway.

Good advice to try to find out why he wants to go back. Is he lonely? Maybe you could get involved in groups or activities where he could meet new friends.

Not sure how you feel about that.

I can't imagine anyone feeling the 'freedom' of not attending would for some reason want to go back.

I would really get into the reason why?

If he likes to read and study about 'truth' then encourage that before paying heavily in time and money to a scam.

If he wants to take the kids to church, I would compromise at letting him do so every other Sunday. Then on the Sunday's you have them...make them the greatest, most fun, special day of the week for them.

I'm going to be brutally blunt: you married a masochist.

Be careful as others have advised as some members or priesthood will work on dividing your family since you are "not worthy" or since you are "holding back their progress". The church can often be used as a battle axe, so this is a genuine concern you will want to voice with your spouse. Nevermind all the other cultural and social weirdness that comes from TSCC.

Wow. Six years without tscc and now he wants to go back. I think partially he probably forgot what it felt like to be a Mormon. I stopped attending less than a year ago, but I was emotionally out years ago. I'd ask him about his reasons.

Whose idea was it to move so close to a Mormon church?

This could get icky if members encourage him to find a more suitable wife.

Know your legal options and your rights, just in case Mormonism ruins your marriage.

Dont say a word. Dont make sundays any more than you have in the past. Hes not a c hild, hes a grown man. Theres nothing you can say than he cannot ascertain from their actions.

+1
I don't know what is worse, a controlling cult or controlling spouse.
He will quit in his own time. I went back to church for about 1 year before I could not take the BS anymore. Let him clean the chapel every week and get a calling where he has to organize people. He will come running back to you and apologize.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2018 08:02PM by chipace.

This could be risky, but I would almost be inclined to let him take the kids. I don't think it would take more than a couple of Sundays for him to realize that taking kids to three hours of church is no picnic. Sacrament meeting is incredibly boring for kids and Primary is not at all geared towards children. I suspect the kids will hate it and your husband will hear lots of of complaining from them.