I’ve had it with my mom. Give you a back ground my daughter has been in the hospital for some time now going on week 4. We have no end in sight my daughter is pretty sick and might not make it we have prepared our self for the worst. My mom comes down from Utah to visit us we thought it was just going to be for a day. However when my mom found that I need to go back to work for a few days she and her husband didn’t ask us if it was ok to stay longer they just invited them self’s to stay longer. My mom got upset that the hospital didn’t have LDS church services yesterday. Said we shouldn’t bring my daughter to a hospital without lds church how can the kids get better without sacrament. That primary children’s is Gods hospital for sick kids. Told my wife last night that the reason my daughter is not getting any better is we are not reading the book of Mormon or praying. Then got mad at my wife as she was wearing short shorts said how you can wear garments. Took it upon herself to read my daughter the book of Mormon. My daughter was very tired from all day of treatments when she started to read to her. My daughter said grandma I’m so tired I just want to sleep. My mom told her this will make you feel better if I read to you. My wife and I haven’t told them we don’t go to church any more. Right now I’m so mad and upset she was all over my wife about church and not wearing garments. Telling my daughter that she is not in the best care as the nurses and Dr’s aren’t Mormon. I informed my mom this morning that she needs to leave today. First words out of her mouth was did you pray about this? I prayed this morning and the lord told me that I am still needed here. I told her I am the lord of my family and you need to go home. She was upset and crying told me that I need to repent or my daughter will not get better. Come to find out after hanging up the phone she ran back to the hospital and told my wife that she is staying another day. We warned the Dr’s not to talk to my mom when they came in this morning to tell what the treatment plan was. When they arrived she started to ask off the wall questions. At that point the Lead neurologist told my wife well be back at 11 to go over everything in the conference room with you. My mom called me said its really bad they want to talk with Jenn only we need to stay longer see the lord talked to me and we need to stay. I told her no its because you took over asking off the wall questions and the Dr didn’t have time. sigh I just needed to vent.

Wow. Just...wow.

I think you need to insist again -- clearly she didn't get the message the first time.

Stop letting her come into your home.

If she has to pay for a motel she won't show up as much.

Can you get anyone to help you? I mean do you have any friends that can run interference? You need a hand or two with an out of control Mom. She has it in her mind that she is the leader of your family with God's approval no less. She sees herself as all powerful and all knowing (God complex). Get her restricted from visiting your daughter with hospitals "no contact" status. I had to do that so my sister wouldn't get into my Mom's skilled care unit and yell at her. Family can be the worst. And the hospital should have a social worker, or two, or three that you can lean on and get what you need to get your Mom out of there.

If your Mom refuses to leave, pack her bags, leave them by her car, and lock your front door with them outside. If they flew, you can leave her/their bags outside the front door and tell them to call a cab or that you will call a cab for them and leave two lawn chairs out front for them to wait. If your daughter is that bad, this is not being too extreme. You gotta do what you gotta do.

I am so sorry your family is going thru this.

I work in the medical field and I encourage you to go to the head nurse or supervisor at the hospital on your daughters care floor.

Give them these simple directions. "Do not let anyone other than myself, my wife or who I give express permission to be anywhere near my child, my family or my childs care team. Feel free to call security at any time"

They need no further details at this time, and trust me, they will find great satisfaction removing one more interruptive stressor our of your child's and your life.

Your Mom does not have any legal right to your child, you, your house, etc. If the Lord is talking to her, He can talk to her in HER home too.

Have a trusted friend come to your house. If your Mom's belongings are in your home. pack them up and have them deliver them to her at the door. Let her know yourself, simply and directly that she is not welcome to stay in your home due to her overbearing, selfish, and cruel behavior. This is YOUR child and you are doing what you think is best...as this is your privilege and right, not hers.

RMM

This!!!!

My goodness.....I have run into grandmothers with an agenda in the NICU. The above recommendation of blocking her access is spot on...please keep us posted. By the way the staff there will silently praise you for keeping her away....

Gatorman

I agree with this. You don't need the additional stressor of having to deal with your mom's religious nuttery. You, your wife, and your daughter have enough to deal with.

What I would tell your mom is that you have decided that only immediate family will be allowed to visit your daughter -- meaning you, your wife, and possibly any siblings that your daughter is close to. Tell your mom that your daughter is very, very tired and that the extra visits have been wearing her out. Grandma had her visit and now it is time to GO.

I also think it is long past time that you had a talk with your mom about your non-participation with her religion. But given your daughter's situation, you may need to hold off somewhat longer on that.

I hope that your daughter is able to recover.

I'm sure that you understand that your Mom is not just overbearing.

Based on her comments, she's obviously got some mental / emotional problems.

My grandmother was this way. Because much of what she would say was couched in gospel speak, I interpreted it as spiritual over-anxiety. But to be honest she'd become so disconnected from reality I eventually came to understand that she was just batty.

Your Mom sounds similarly disconnected. For her not to be able to see what you're doing for your daughter and heaping all the superstitious BS and guilt on top of it, makes me believe she's operating a few bricks short of a full load.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/26/2018 01:36PM by corallus.

I'm sending lots of love to your family. I really hope everything will go well. I know darn well how Mormons get crazy with their "we prayed about it."

One more comment...you always hear stories how children mistreated their elderly parents, even tho the parents cared so much and gave the children everything. Sometimes it's really not so black and white. Your mom is causing you damage, when you need all the strength you can get.

I hope she rallies and starts feeling better. Wish I could send her a soft fluffy stuffed animal to hug.

About this mother, she must go. Perhaps you could talk to the hospital social worker who could step in and take care of this for you.

It's so terrible that this woman isn't listening to reason, but she is expendable. You, your wife and your darling daughter must take priority. She needs you. She doesn't need a grandmother preaching at her.

Wish I could step in and tell her to leave, then tell every guard at every door and every nurse at the station to escort her out if she shows up.

She's the one who eventually needs to say sorry. Until then, I might let her cool her heels. Then I'd tell her, "Mom, please just send cards and perhaps a small gift or two if you want to help. Too much company only tires out the patient who is in extreme need of peace and rest.

I've been very ill a few times and I can promise that it can be impossible to follow any kind of story line or book narrative at times like that. Trying hard to do that can sap valuable energy and might slow the healing process.

Good luck and stay strong. We're all sending good thoughts.

You were right to tell Mom to leave. Stick to it. This is about you and your daughter now and your Mother is robbing you of what you all need right now in this extremely difficult time.

I don't know how at this point you aren't just telling her straight out that you are done with the church and it's hocus pocus and to keep it out of the hospital and away from your daughter, but that is your business.

It's okay to be tough with your mother. Feeling conflicted about something doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. You do not *owe* your mother.

Wishing you the best for your daughter and all of you and all the strength you need plus some.

If it were me, I would take her luggage and literally heave it onto the sidewalk, with her standing there and in full view. That would send an undeniable message, even to her. And if she began to cry, I'd stand there and laugh in her face. Some people just deserve that kind of treatment.

You've been given lots of good advice, and I'm sure the hospital will gladly run interference for you. I just wanted to say I'm hoping things get better for your daughter and you get the peace and all the healing aid you need.

So sorry for your family and all the stress you're under.

Your mom is bouncing off the wall and her religion is driving her up the wall.

She doesn't know how to show affection if it doesn't include her faith and prayers to save your daughter.

You need to set clear boundaries and you did. That has to be tough for all concerned. Maybe remind mom you love her and need her, but this is not the time to interject her religious fanaticism into your family life. Since you haven't told her you aren't any longer TBM, she just may not be aware of that. Communicating that to her in love would be doing her a great kindness. She wants to help, and doesn't want to lose her granddaughter. She must love her very much; enough to make a fool of herself.

Hope your baby girl pulls through. This is no time for family discord.

❤️

Pogie,

I am really sorry for what you are going through. I can say that I understand everything that you are feeling because I went through very similar circumstances before my daughter passed away in the hospital. Stay strong brother.

Kevin

Give you guys an update we live in Las Vegas there are no children’s hospital that can provide the care she needs in Las Vegas. That’s why we took her to the best children’s hospital in LA After all the drama this morning they wouldn’t let my mom in after talking to the nurse. We had another setback today I wish I could be there and also post pictures here of what they are doing to my daughter they are doing a treatment called PLEX. During the treatment today something went wrong and they rushed her into surgery to fix the problem. Took out the line and are putting it in her other leg. I’m under a lot of stress my mom called me and asked me if she can stay at my house tonight on the way back to Salt Lake. My wife already told them they could just to get them out of the hospital. First thing that came to my mind was now I need to hide all the wine and beer with them spending the night. Then I thought the hell with it is my house. If they want to get upset at this point I don’t care.

Next thing I know I’m getting a call from the bishop I have no idea who the guy is as we haven’t gone to church in a long time asking if we are new in the ward ect. My mom called him to let him know what was going on. How do you even find this information? We moved into this neighborhood to get away from crazy Mormons only to have half the neighborhood be Mormon. They are know we don’t go to church and they now even come over for swimming and BBQ on Sunday and most have stopped going to church in the past year now I’m rambling on I guess it helps to get my mind off things.

I just informed my wife of my plans to stop at Costco get some steak and have a good bottle of wine with it she laughed said that’s a great idea for when she gets home. But not to do that tonight that I need to keep my mouth shut and put the bottles away. I love my wife she knows when I want to fight she is right. Save the fight for another day and focus on my daughter. Thanks for letting me vent here

So glad your daughter has you to advocate for her and so glad your wife has a sense of humor! Hang in there and thanks for the update.

>>After all the drama this morning they wouldn’t let my mom in after talking to the nurse.

What a great nurse! I'm glad that you are making progress in getting your mom to butt out.

The problem is that your wife is just too nice. She is probably overwhelmed as well and I wish you and your daughter the best.

I just want to point out that your mother did something that I would find unforgivable from an in law. She blamed your wife for your daughter's illness. Full stop. Absolutely unacceptable. Especially in a situation where it sounds as though your daughter is in serious danger. That was just plain unforgivable. It was despicable and should not be tolerated on any level.

If it were me, I would never speak to your mother again or allow her to enter my home. Normal people just don't do that.

Just wanted to add I love running interference to protect my patients rights! You have every right in the world to defend this and your home. If mom keeps pushing just stay in your house make a motel reservation and drive her over there ;-)

Alright another update she just arrived first comment she makes about the house is why don't you have a picture of the temple or the prophet not how's your daughter doing any news or updates not you have a nice House I'm tired and exhausted after working a long day. she kept talking about how evil Vegas is that I need to move back to Utah to gain a testimony of the church I stopped her dead in her tracks and said there are plenty of hotels here if you keep this up her husband has been smart enough to say just drop it I retreated to my bedroom and not one minute later she was knocking on my door say how disappointed she was at this point I said there are so many hotels do not knock on my door again or you will be spending the night at one I could hear them talking in the bedroom and now she thinks I'm evil and there's no Spirit on my home after this experience I realize I need to cut them completely off

well an update my daughter is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. she has made a little improvement not much more they can do for her. she all most had a heart attack last Thursday. She is doing fine she has lost most her her eye sight in the right eye and her left eye she can see about 12 feet in front of her that is very good news.

This past year has been hell for my family almost getting divorced then this with my daughter. Of course the crazy mom says its due to me not having faith and this is the lords way to bring me back into the church.

Every day is a new day that brings its own craziness its all about attitude in how we approach things. I will not let this get the best of me and will be there for my daughter, she is going to have a hard life. I am going to make the best memories I can with her.

(((love))) to Pogie's daughter! To Pogie and his wife, too!

Pogie, you had me at: "She was upset and crying told me that I need to repent or my daughter will not get better."

Your mother is playing dirty! What a horrible, load of guilt and blame to dump onto you! How nasty of her to lie that "The Lord" says she needs to be there. (You know it's a lie, because God doesn't talk to Mormons or anyone else.)

Your mother is making this all about HER, and it should be all about your daughter. It isn't about Mormonism, either.

You need to protect your wife, and your self, as well. I wonder of your mother's husband might be made into an ally, on your behalf.... Thank goodness the nurses are taking in charge, but when your daughter comes home, what then?

Can you imagine being deathly sick and helpless in bed, and having someone insist on reading the BOM to you--even when you beg them not to? That's just plan abuse!

When I was a TBM, I went to Hell and back more than a few times, and every crisis was made WORSE by the Mormon church. Several crises were even CAUSED by the Mormon church, in the first place. Focus on what's important, and Mormonism and Mormons become pretty unimportant.

Stay in Vegas. My daughter and her husband lived there for a while, and they were happy there. How dare your rude mother criticize your house! It would be upsetting for your daughter to hear her parents and her home and her (non-Mormon) hospitals and doctors being maligned! Daughter needs to trust those who love her and are helping her. Bad, bad, bad, on all counts.

>>Your mother is making this all about HER, and it should be all about your daughter. It isn't about Mormonism, either.

Yes, this. Pogie, I like the way that you are establishing boundaries with your mom. Keep it up! Honestly, you don't have the energy to deal with both your mom and your daughter. Do what you need to do to make this time all about your daughter.

Must agree as well with Mother Who Knows: Playing dirty . . . making it all about her. . . This isn't about your daughter getting well, this is about Mom's deeply selfish need to control all of you.

Get her to the hotel and preferably a hotel in another city in another state. This is not healthy and you shouldn't have to fight a bear with one hand while you are doing everything you can for your daughter with the other. You need both hands for your daughter and for yourselves.

You should not have to retreat to your bedroom in your own house. That is still giving Mom control. You are most of the way there in taking the control back as you have been firm. Time to take it all the way.

P.S. Your mother does not believe in some Loving God. She is promoting her mean nasty uncaring God who won't heal unless you buy into his plagiarized made up BoM because that is who she favors.

Keep your chin up, Pogie!!! Sending positive vibes to your daughter, your wife and you!

Your mom is evil or crazy.

What am I missing here?

You are talking about life or death of your daughter and you're dealing with this stupidity????

Tell your mom to leave now, and you don't want to see her or talk to her until you are ready, and she can change her evil ways and repent.

End of story.

Wishing your daughter well and hope this is all behind you soon.

Pogie,you need some ExMos to talk to, face to face. We have a great group in the Vegas valley.

Admin, I don't know how to make it so that Pogie can PM me for info. Can you make it so?

Podgie, talk to your wife. Tell her what her mom is saying. Explain how her words are causing stress and uneeded anxiety to you and your dauhter.
Tell your wife that if mother makes ONE MORE comment referring to anything Mormon, you will kick them out PERMANENTLY. Just talk to your wife if you haven't already.

I would also tell mother that if she says something Mormony you will kick them out and not talk to them. She is playing dirty, she is being nosy and to get the Bishop involved is more than asinine - it is infuriating.

This woman doesn't run your house - you do! If you need to, get neighbors or friends over and tell mom that you can't have anyone else over.

Or just tell them that if they hate being in such an "evil" house they can leave, find a hotel and stop practically living here.

Mother is mooching off of you and being a complete bitch.

Edit: I do hope your daughter gets better. The fact mother interfered with her sleep is another undermining she is doing. I agree with people above me - mom wants it all about her.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/03/2018 01:08PM by lazylizard.

Your mom and my MIL would get along--batty religious, overbearing, intrusive, relentless. My 18 year old daughter lost her battle with bipolar and died by suicide in '06.

I let my guard down thinking surely my MIL would not pull her crap at least for a while. I was so wrong.

I did not see or speak to her for seven years. I knew she would take the tiniest opening and stomp through it--if I was going to survive grief, I had to block her out of my life. I allowed her to mail me things. My husband had to deal with his own mom for the first time in two decades.

I grew up with "honor thy mother and thy father". I decided that a) the bible also talks about how to beat your slave, and b) I didn't need to honor someone who wasn't honorable.

My heart hurts for you in your situation.

Sending peaceful healing thoughts.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/03/2018 02:53PM by Dorothy.

I don't want to add to your burden, Pogie, but how are things going?