I've found myself feeling very disdainful towards any and all mormons.

My siblings, parents, neighbors, even my wife.

I can barely speak a word around anyone.

I feel like they all see doubters as weak, sinful, lazy.

They are disrespectful.

I can't bring myself to have any regular relationships with mormons anymore.

I've been shunning them.

Well...mostly they DO see doubters as weak, sinful, and lazy.

If they're being toxic, you don't need them around. It's not healthy.
But if they're just annoying...

Just be careful you don't become what you despise :)

Nothing wrong with shunning mormons if an exmo doesn't mind being cut off from family and former friends. If the exmo hopes to stay in the loop and eventually be respected by these TBMs, it isn't a good idea to totally shun them. Of course it's very possible that leaving a cult might mean losing associations or harming them beyond repair.

We each need to decide if it's worth it to try to keep up interaction or not. I've given up relatives who aren't worth the trouble and pain. I'd rather not deal with their cat and mouse games and just make my own way.

One mormon childhood friend resurfaced and we communicate occasionally after many years of being out of touch. She is nicer and than my relatives and isn't a bit pushy about religion. That's refreshing.

If mormonism is the most important thing in their lives, so important that they give upwards of 20 hours a week and 20% of their money to it and pay for their children to tell others around the world that their belief system is wrong...

but they don't try to find out why you've "left"?

Isn't then the mormon church much more important to them than their own relationship with you?

By definition haven't we just become "acquaintances" as someone on this board has pointed out?

Life is way too short to waste on toxic relationships. A big eye opener for me was realizing that my "loving" family would treat a stranger with more love, dignity, and respect than they treated me.

Move on and be happy.

toxic by definition.

The exmo doesn't assume the mormon believes because he looks at porn, is lazy, etc.

The exmo doesn't assume the mormon believes because he is dumb or disobedient.

The exmo thinks the mormon believes because he or she hasn't come come across enough information. That's it.

The mormon thinks the exmo is lazy, sinning, mis-informed, influenced by satan, etc.

Is the exmo supposed to pretend as if the mormon is just a good fella and as if nothing has really changed?

I am the shunner now as well i even changed my phone number recently. I don't need any of their toxicity right now.

You don’t like being treated like a project?

We have all heard "they can leave the church but they can't leave it alone." Why can't they/we leave it alone and why do we shun and why do we take to the internet to inform everyone about their secreted history? For me the answer is "blow-back."

All the shunning they do and have done in the past, all the women they forced into polygamy, all the trusting spouses who have been betrayed by their significant other so the other could prove obedient to leaders, all the slit throats carried out under Brigham Young and other early leaders commands and all the deceitful hiding of much of the true history is the cause of the blow-back.

When their spiritual rock-star leaders stand at their pulpits and declare that the church doesn't apologize for anything they insure the blow-back will continue for as long as they continue in their falsehoods and arrogance.

I had to rant!

Healthy response. Shunning. If you are allergic to peanuts, you just don't eat them and stay away from even products made on the same equipment.


I can commiserate with you. I avoid family but do the duty visits with elderly parents. Beyond that, there is nothing there. Our relationship is empty and boring. I am allergic to small minded, arrogant/ignorant behavior and thinking, so I have no choice but to shun.

Mine know better than to let me see what they really think of me, though I know. I do what I can for my elderly parents, but it feels so good to be away from Mormons. They are such a heavy lift and I am too tired to even try anymore. Job interviews are more fun and less intrusive.

I don't expect to see my family at all once my parents are gone. Oddly, that is a nice feeling. Very freeing.

An incredible heavy lift they all are.

There would be something there if the person who claims to have the absolute truth (tbm), actually took a few minutes and simply asked why they may be wrong about the church being true.

But they don't.

They won't.

The church is more important than the relationship.

The best thing to do is NOT shunning, but showing how much happier you are outside the morg. If you remain friendly, they will eventually not only stop shunning, but will start to listen. Someone once told me that sugar attractst more ants than vinegar. If you cut ties, you will be unlikely to be in the position to help others learn the truth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/26/2018 08:29PM by rhgc.

and we're not interested in trying to shake the faith for TBMs.

I am assuming that many will shake their faith on their own. It is important that they have friends who have already traveled the road and can show that they are whole and happy. My objective is not to stir up antagonisms but improve lives.

I want them to wake up.

Some years back after my husband had passed, my TBM son was helping prepare the swamp cooler for winter, something I asked him to do after he had offered his assistance. Talking afterwards, this person said, knowing full well I chose not to be active at all in the Mormon Church, "It might be nice if you had ward friends to help you out."

Bare in mind, I did not ask for help from him frequently or easily.

I had other incidents which made me feel that by my own choice of cutting out help and friendship from ward members, I had created an unneeded burden on my children who lived farther away.

Also, I have frequently been made to feel sinful, prideful, and lazy for being an exmo. The TBMs in my life are extremely busy time-wise being Mormon, very narrow and close-minded in their view of the world, so judgmental, plus so arrogant, making what we have in common very, very small.

I agree with Done and Done's statement that "....there is nothing there. Our relationship is empty and boring."

I shared my views through letter with the TBMs in my life when I first left Mormonism.

No response. No dialogue.

And both of these equal no relationship in my view. Shunning? Probably.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2018 04:46AM by presleynfactsrock.

I do whatever I can to remove toxicity from my life. Goodbye mormons.

When I get mad and just can't take it anymore I watch some Sam Harris or Christopher Hitchens videos on youtube. It helps. But then I cannot understand why there are so many religious nuts in the world and so few logical thinkers. When questioning and educating oneself is seen as sinful, you've got some hard core delusional thinking going on.

I particularly dislike the expression "You have hardened your heart." Well, that's a lot better than having a mushy, soft brain in their case.

The scripture one of my family members used on me was "They taketh the truth to be hard". In other words, they have the truth...I know it deeeeep down and I just won't admit it. GRRRR

We learned from the best of them, didn't we?

How to shun.

Only in your case it's now called discriminating. People discriminate all the time. At church it's called shunning to openly shame and guilt people into submission.

Yours I would say is more blatant discrimination because you know what you like. What you're willing to tolerate. And what you're not willing to tolerate. That, to me, is a huge difference. In other words, known as setting healthy boundaries.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/27/2018 09:31AM by Amyjo.

+1
You can take a horse to water, but can't make it drink. Don't hate the horse for not drinking, for you have enjoyed riding that horse for many years in your youth. That horse has given you its best years. Shed all hate from your heart and you will be a happier person.

What is there to share with people who see the world black or white? They only have one frame of reference they share with each other and in the world there are so much more complexity to be discovered. Nothing has inherent value to them they only follow their checklist.

Even those who present everything as black or white can evolve into rational beings. Many of us change our views as we progress on this orb.

For some, that's why we outgrew the rigid parameters of a cult doing our thinking for us. It worked in our youth ie, not to ask questions of our leaders they couldn't answer honestly.

When the mental maturity/emotional IQ broke free of those constraints there was nowhere else to go but the exit door.

Which makes me wonder about my TBM family that stayed behind. Their minds didn't function the same way. Does it mean they're trapped in a mind funk? For them the cult beliefs are enough they don't ask why or the hard questions of their faith.

It makes me shake my head for them, because they're happy only because of their ignorance. If you took away their ignorance they'd be in denial (maybe they already are?!) And shock that their belief system is a sham and a farcical religion.

None of my family are active Mormons. However,After I
sent (actually faxed)in my resignation letter to SLC
I unfriended & blocked the few Mormon friends I had left .
I was done with it all!

"Shunning by appointment only"

Seen elsewheres on this forum

Faced with extremism and abuse, there are two reasonable reactions: 1. to flee 2. to fight.

Mormons and exmos also stay and put up with abuse in hopes it will wane. Sometimes it does. There might be breakthroughs.

But if not? After years and decades? It's reasonable to shun rather than popping someone in the nose or having an all out raging fight with no chance of change.