Posted by:
Mother Who Knows
(
)
Date: March 19, 2018 12:47PM
"I adopted Buddhist detachment from social needs and focussed more on fulfilling peak needs, like learning, developing skills, and deriving authentic meaning from real life, and self actualization and transcendence."
I love this!
I never felt there was a "hole", but, rather, a "drain on my time." I always wanted more time to spend with my children. As time went on, new grandchildren were born, and I wanted to spend time getting to know these great little people. Children are upbeat, and I laugh many times, every day! I wanted more time to concentrate on my career, which was also a huge positive in my life.
I viewed my leaving Mormonism as a "loss" of very negative stuff. If there was a "hole" left by the negative, it was quickly filled by the positive. Depending on the context, socializing and friendship can be negative, as well as positive.
The Mormon idea of "friendship" is warped and unnatural.
--Mormons believe that friends can be "assigned."
--Friends can make demands on each other.
--Friends can cross boundaries of privacy.
--Friends have license to gossip about you, and even invent fake stories about you.
--If you say "no" to a friend, that's considered a betrayal, regardless of your reasons for saying "no."
--Friendship is conditional. Once someone is no longer of use, or if someone is no longer assigned to you, you need to move on to your next project/assigned friend.
--Friendships always have an agenda.
--Friendships between men and women always involve sex, and a married man and a married woman must never be left alone.
--The more friends and contacts you have, the more valuable you are to the Mormon cult.
--Friends mean "converts" or introductions to potential converts.
There are other definitions that can be added to this list. Mormons are shamed into having "tons" of friends. Popularity is the Holy Grail of Mormonism, because it's a valuable recruiting tool. Appearances of friendships and brotherly love among ward members is of primary importance. Mormonism is all about good PR. The false promises of group support, socializing, welfare assistance, business networking, and getting free labor are as important as the equally false promises of a "forever family", the "Celestial Kingdom", and earning many beautiful perfect wives (for righteous Mormon males) in the hereafter.
What I'm saying is that socializing is overrated.
In the real world, "socializing" is more like what the above posters describe. Socializing and intimacy are two different things. Exchanging a few cheerful words with the grocery checkers and baggers, opening doors for people, playing with your children or dogs at the park, going to a little-league game, passing families on a hiking trail, sitting in an audience in a movie or concert, commiserating in a waiting room--all these can be counted as "social contact." My main social life is work-centered.
How much socializing do we really need? Everyone is different. A lot of ex-Mormons were forced to behave like extroverts when they were Mormons, but have discovered that, deep down, they were introverts all along. Some, like me, switch gears from extrovert to introvert, depending on the situation.
It might help you to take some of those introvert-extrovert tests. You can find them online. Get to know your new, re-born self. Pay more attention to those who really care about you, that you might take for granted. Pets fit into this category! If you don't have one, adopt one!