In the other thread Timothy said something like, "Stupidity isn't cultural. It's stupid." And "It's a cult."

Timothy told his harrowing story of a family who refused to attend his wedding. They try in different ways to deny he has a wife. And they advised him to marry his brother's widow, adopt the kiddies, and turn mormon. Amazing! Right? And that's just the beginning!

I relate to his story. My relatives didn't attend my wedding to a nonmo either. And I think the fact that the wedding was in a UU Church is what curbed their cards and inspired them to send "gifts" of the cheapest junkiest bits of nothing they could find in their junk drawers and the back of the basements, like a little rubber spatula from someone who sent my Temple wedding sister a finely done framed original oil painting.

Not that I minded because I had the better husband and the better life compared to mormon servitude.

But it did bother me at times when my kiddies were mistreated. I might have written years ago about my mom phoning to say that my TBM siser and most of her twelve kiddies would be in the area on a trip from Utah. This is when my parents lived about two hours from me.

She wanted me, my husband and our little four year old son to attend a festive dinner. She said she planned to have "unbirthday presents" for every child and a flamming cake and ice cream for dessert.

We showed up on time with our contributions fro the dinner. It was too much for mom to cook for such a big crowd. Then every child got to blow out candles, make a wish, and open a special gift mother had chosed and wrapped for them. The trouble is she "forgot" to get a gift for my little boy and she cut and served the cake when sis's kids were busily exploring their prizes.

My little boy had never received gifts from grandma until this time and assumed he'd be included now that other kids were being honored.

When I pointed out his dejected little form, mom acted as if I'd slapped her. "What? I always thought you could afford to buy him gifts if he needed them. These Utah mormon families don't have that luxury. Then she sent my younger teen sister to her room to "find something she'd outgrown or didn't need anymore. Little sister did find an old Golden Book from when she was little and gave it to my son, but by then, the party was over. Kids were falling asleep, and we left, me, with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

This is just one of many incidents where my parents favored the TBM siblings and slighted the others.

In spite of this practice, they've never been shy about withholding advice about reading scriptures and going back to church. Why are they so generous with the admonitions? It's out of "love" or so they say.

At age eighty my mother sent a letter saying the HG had told her that we would become mormons if we'd just read a certain passage in Alma. She said she was as sure of this eventuality as of the fact that 1 + 1 = 2.

After that letter, DH phoned and finally used the F-word with my mother, the eighty year old. It wasn't an unplanned slip or a matter of flying off the handle. Oh, no! He planned his speech well and spoke it with cool clearity.

Mormons would say that "he's easily offended."

No, he is sick and tired of being treated like garbage. He'd do the same with anyone who said we had to pay tithes, attend a baptism, or who sent missionaries to our door.

Don't try that stuff! Enough is enough!

Any other stories of mormon family favoritism?

This is so examplary of the closed mindedness of a cult mentality.

Sounds familiar in my DH's family. His sister came home early from her mission because she had bulimia. A guy-friend from before her mission really helped her get through all she was going through - coming home early from a mission, issues with her mother, bulimia etc. He understood because he never served a mission either. They fell in love and got married and my MIL was NOT happy about the situation. Especially because his attendance has been sporadic throughout the years. He gets creeped out by the atmosphere in the Mormon church but he was raised Mormon so once in a while he will rouse himself and try to be a "good Peter Priesthood". Then he'll remember why he can't stand it and quit going again.

My SIL is always complaining that her mother favors her other grandchildren. MIL yelled at my nephew for skipping YM's because he had a major paper due the next day. SIL thinks she's always slighted their whole family because she dislikes her husband so. It's funny though because her two other daughters didn't get the perfect family thing either - one didn't marry until her 40s and never had kids and the other divorced, adopted then re-married. But MIL's not annoyed with either of them. Just with the man who helped her daughter through a really rough time - and his children. Weird.

I was clearly an apostate in the making from an early age.

When I was a senior in high school, I was informed that there was no money for college and I had better get to saving and applying for scholarships, loans, etc.

Also as my 18th birthday approached I was told of the plan to have me pay a quarter of the household expenses from my McD's wages when I graduated high school.

I said screw all that and moved on out, rather unprepared, but here I am today doing fine.

My sister, two years younger, received a lot of college help, money, assistance with paperwork, etc.
Also no rent was asked of her... She didn't have a job, maybe that is why.


In hindsight, after hearing of tactics used to "help" teens be responsible with money, perhaps my parents planned to take the "rent" money and return it to me as I moved out finally.
They never told me this, I just try to ascribe some weird goodness to their method.

See, the house was paid off free and clear, and my father has one of the better jobs at Boeing. They didn't need my money, I desperately needed every penny to get the hell away from them.
(And my mother did let me see the finances in order to teach me basic household accounting, so I knew what kind of numbers I am talking about here.)



Also, another petty gripe: my sister badly needed braces, our dentist was Mormon. She got them. When I asked about getting my front teeth corrected, the dentist himself told me I didn't need them. Possibly because he knew my family was never _rich_, and my parents were already paying for one set of braces.

Now as an adult I need to get them fixed for myself because my bite in front is so bad my teeth are breaking.
Also my upper teeth on one side are misaligned, forward set by one tooth which may have been caused by a horrible accident when I fell out of a bunkbed on my neck and was never taken for medical treatment.
Now that I am old, I think my fall out of the bunkbed was perceived by my mother as Just Punishment for the petty lies I was telling at that age. You know, "did you wash up for dinner?" "Yes mom..." That sort of boundary pushing thing kids do.

I'm sorry about your teeth, the rent, and all.

My parents took care of the older two kids teeth but didn't take the four younger exmo-types to the dentist. This means my younger sister had to get a bridge at a very early age. They got my older sister an eye patch for lazy eye and she has had good vision, but my younger sister is blind in one eye and has poor vision in the other from lack of early care. This infuriates me.

My sister who wore an eyepatch refused to get one for her daughter who needed it because the girl is in a wheelchair and has a lower than normal IQ. Sheesh. What kind of mother would deprive kids of needed medical care because they're not mormon enough or they're disabled?

I think my mother feels she has apologized too, but the most she has said to me is, "I'm sorry I wasn't ready to be a mother!"

But that sort of feels to me like giving herself a pass rather than actually apologizing for her mistakes and favoritism.



(I have a family reunion on Thursday, and I'm already stewing about it... I'll be hitting the board in a few days with plenty more venting.)

Wow, I'm so sad to hear these stories of mistreatment within family simply due to religion.

The bottom line is reading comments from "supporters" on this board (mind you the one place to vent angry and confusing feelings about the cult) that we need to find peace with all people regardless of their beliefs simply does not work with Mormonism. Why? Because many Mormons are the ones who won't let others live and let live.

1. They teach their children to be judgmental and cruel to nonMormon children. Many parents may not intentionally or directly teach this but I've learned that the lesson of intolerance is what many children latch onto from their Sunday school teachings.

2. They preach,begrudge and even treat cruelly their relatives whom have turned away from the church.

3. They even send their teenage kids away to strange and often dangerous places in order to recruit for their church while nearly cutting them off from family for two frickin years!

And when they're wrong, which they usually are ... well, you'll never get an apology.

Timothy

From Winkswinks, sorry I wasn't ready to be a mother.

Others:

Sorry you can't understand how hard it was.

Sorry I wasn't in a better frame of mind in those days.

Sorry you're still offended and can't move on.

When I was 45 or 50, My mother gave me a $1000 check and said we were even now and would I "not hold anything against her?"

I answered that I didn't "hold things against her" and a check wouldn't help me as DH and I made very good money. She wouldn't rest unless I took the check. I divided it between my two kids and said it was for the birthday and Christmas gifts she didn't get from a grandma as did their friends. It didn't mean much to them at that point, but I didn't want or need the money.

OMG! And yet there's also such an emphasis on how material goods don't get you anywhere with god...
Neglecting medical care and pinching pennies the mormon way is all about piling up the money in order to tithe.

I don't know what my point is...

I've had money waved at me in small amounts too. I avoid it, it would be like an obligation somehow, it feels.

Does anyone else have their mother gift them thrift store gleanings for christmas?
Pinch those pennies harder!
I try to display some of the tackier things in my home. It's sort of ironic to me. Why yes, I LOVE that battered, bent, chipped, wire and paint toilet paper basket! (When the remodel is done though, it's outta there!)


No, money does not pay off a bad childhood.

Battery acid? Used rubber gloves to seal it in a bag and carry it to the trash. Don't know where she came up with that one.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/06/2011 07:22PM by Cheryl.

Cheryl Wrote:
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> When I pointed out his dejected little form, mom acted as if I'd slapped her. "What? I always thought you could afford to buy him gifts if he needed them. These Utah mormon families don't have that luxury. Then she sent my younger teen sister to her room to "find something she'd outgrown or didn't need anymore."

****************************************

Cheryl, I am so sorry. If a parent tried to pull that on me, I would have lost it completely. I would have gotten about two inches from her face and told her firmly and emphatically *exactly* what I thought of her. I would have made her pee in her pants and cry. Seriously. You were very restrained under the circumstances. Kudos to you.

Thankfully I was raised in a family where fairness to one and all was taken for granted.

I have no patience for petty, mean-spirited fools.

at my mother's question, "Do they pay you for teaching kindergarten as much as they pay regular teachers?"

I was a good and serious teacher in any grade I worked. And kindergarten teachers deserve every dime in their checks!

On my end, I got the "You don't have enough patience to be a teacher." If she only knew what we put up with!

My parent's had very little money but kept up the facade in their Mormon circle.I had a part time job from age 14 & all my education was on scholarship.My mother would use the length of my education as the reason they were unable to do anything ( a temple trip to New Zealand etc) even though my parents contributed nothing to my education.

After I was qualified I was guilted into paying for the trip to NZ & their intensification into Mormon lunacy was confirmed.

After I married a neverMo the double standard became obvious. I have one TBM sibling who now lives in USA who has a son.I was constantly told of the bank account my parents were nursing for his mission fund. They were able to afford trips to the States for the TBM kids' milestones-baptism & Aaronic priesthood ordination -& their 3 senior missions.

My kids received thrift store presents. A second-hand Barbie doll with ill-fitting ,hand knitted orange clothes was the low point.More hurtful was their refusal to join celebrations with my family who actually live in the same city.Church activities or church people were always more important , & when we saw them the conversation was always about these topics or how wonderful their TBM grandchildren were.

My children would wonder why Grandma & Grandpa were always talking about people they didn't know. By their adolescent years my parents' disinterest in their apostate grandchildren was more evident-no birthday presents/Christmas presents-but the mission bank account kept growing for my nephew.

Thanks and my best to you your nevermo spouse and the kiddies on the wrong side of double standard grandparents.

What?

How can you do that to your child?

Where is the love?

You know what, you are the better for it!

I know it seems like no consolation.

But you are better!

I guess withholding love and attention is the Mormon way. When I was pregnant with my son my dad told me that my family wouldn't feel right giving him gifts because he was born out of wedlock and not BIC. It has been a rough road but I choose to not let them be involved in his life. It makes me sick when I think about how a beautiful innocent child is punished because I no longer believe. I mean really is refusing to buy my son toys really going to change how I believe? I will just buy the ******* toys myself.

Gosh I'd buy the toys for you!

Remember in MORGdom god's love is unconditional, predicated upon your obedience!

No glasses in 4th grade (couldn't see chalkboard well at school) because "Your eyes are fine."

No braces -orthodontist actually asked mom this "Do you think she's going to be a model?" No. Yeah, I paid for them as an adult.

I was going to be a difficult cult member early in life, they knew. Sisters got glasses and braces. I won big in the end, though. Freedom, education.. and you know what? Mom has no memories of my need for glasses or braces. Convenient.

Just sad!

What the Eff! Why are they having children?

Who wants to be sealed to these mad people?

Sounds like eternal HELL!


Gosh I am sorry!

So sorry!

My latest story is one hour ago. My brother asked about an old high school friend of ours, and I was telling him about how successful and happy her family is, and some of the significant details in their lives--their marriages, law school, med school, careers, grandchildren, etc.

My uber-TBM interrupted me with, "But are they IN THE CHURCH?"

Meaning, the church activity of the sons was much more important, and everything else is just babble.

The children and I certainly could have used family support, when my husband ran off with another woman. Though I had the temple marriage, as a good Mormon girl should, I was never in the bishopric like my two brothers were. My parents paid for their houses, trips to New York, cruises, fancy clothes for my SIL's, braces and medical bills (no health insurance) for their kids. My children needed love and attention, but they didn't get it--and neither did I. We were on our own.

My children are great human beings! They're happy, loving, honest, successful, and they left the cult. My brothers' TBM kids are corrupt, lazy, mean, selfish, dishonest. They went on missions, though, and that's all that matters.

I'm wondering if perhaps it was for the best, that financially we were forced to live in another town, and be independent, away from my parents and TBM inlaws. Their manner of withholding love, and using emotions to manipulate, was toxic. The cult was toxic.

Though, down the road, you might end up better off, at the time, it hurts like hell to be rejected by your own parents.

Thomas Monson, himself, their Prophet, Seer, and Revelator, admonishes parents to "give more consideration" to their children who are faithful in the church, than to their apostate children. I'm not kidding! Mormons believe that is apostates are properly shunned, that they will return to the cult, dragging their tails behind them.

Where's the love?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/07/2011 02:18AM by motherwhoknows.

I am the profit...I speak for God, because if God spoke through me, i would have bothered to read luke 15, and realized the prodigal is the one who needs love!

Hail Oh Profit!